Behaviour/social skills concerns 5yr old

[Kallie20]

Hello,

This is my first post but am feeling a bit sad and hoping for, well not really sure what i am hoping for to be honest.

My DS is almost 5, this afternoon his reception teacher asked i could come in for a chat. Apparently she is concerned about his behaviour - when it is time to sit on the carpet and listen he does not pay attention and tickles/annoys the other children. She also said his social skills are not very good - he does lots of silly playing and doesn't play properly. She said today after PE he put all his clothes on back to front, I explained that at home he gets himself dressed in the mornings with no problems.

I have obvioulsy told DS that his is not acceptable and he said he is good "most" of the time. Then had the talk about "most" not being good enough etc.

I will be having a chat with him each morning about what is expected at school but I have to drop him with my parents half an hour before school (3 days a week) and they then take him and collect him on those days.

Not really sure what i am hoping for...just feel like a very bad parent who is not bringing up their son how they thought they would. (I am divorced).

Sorry, this turned out to be a bit longer than planned!
Thanks for reading to the end.
K

[soapboxqueen]

Almost 5 is still fairly young and I'm not sure from the detail you have given what the teacher is actually trying to say.

Is she suggesting that he puts his clothes on back to front on purpose? At such a young age some children really struggle with clothes and what does not play properly mean? Is he just not playing how she expects or is he hurting other children? Need more detail if you have any.

You don't sound like a bad parent

[oddgirl]

I really think that schools sometimes have very high expectations of a 5 year old. Putting on clothes back to front is a very common thing-pls dont worry too much about that-he cannot be the only one having problems getting dressed-my friend is reception teacher and says by the time they all get changed for PE the lesson is over!!!

Sitting still on the carpet is a very hard skill for boys to learn. The general immaturity is simply because some children (esp boys) simply mature later than others...this is why in sweden they dont (very sensibly imho)start school until they are 7.

Is she an inexperienced teacher? Its a fine line at this age between genuine problems (and my 5 year old DS has real issues with ASD and dyspraxia) and immature behaviour which will resolve in time. Either way it is NOT your fault and NOT your parenting...I absolutely promise you he wont be the only one struggling with the complexities of life in reception.

If you are really concerned about his concentration/fine and gross motor skills etc you could see your GP but if its just a bit of silly behaviour I am sure he will simply mature.

[Kallie20]

Thank you both for your replies, you really have re-assured me.

From what his teacher has said, and she is an "older" teacher, so i think quite experienced, it is more a case of playing silly i.e running around and pushing others rather than sitting and playing with cars. So I guess he has hurt others, she said children are coming to her and saying DS has pushed them and she has had to tell him for trying to tickle others when he should be listening.

As for the clothes thing, I think it is that he is rushing and not thinking about what he is doing.

I do wonder if it is simply a case of fidgets/bored. She said he is very bright.

He was playing with water (sink/float) at home at the weekend and told me he was "doing the archimedes principle"! (I must look that up in a minute!)

Thanks for taking the time to reply and reassure me,
K

[AntoinetteOuradi]

Sounds like a normal boy to me. He is very young to be at school at all, and I wouldn't worry about it.

[soapboxqueen]

He's a boy. He's supposed to run about. Not that I'm suggesting that little girls don't want to run about too but it seems to be more of an issues for boys. I think it has more to do with our current education system wanting to get all children sitting down and being 'good' than anything to do with your child. Obviously other children don't want to be hurt but it's something that he will work on over time. Many children find carpert time a struggle because they want to be moving around not sitting quietly.

As for the teacher, older does not mean experience and experienced does not mean any good.

[wheredidmyoldlifego]

Just a suggestion and may sound a little odd but have you had his hearing checked? I know someone whose 5 yr old was like yours and the teacher mentioned the same sort of things to her, just by chance someone mentioned a hearing test to her and her 5 year old had hearing problems which have been easily solved with grommits (spelling?) so the theory being that because her son couldn't hear, he tried to get attention in other ways and also, the poor boy didn't know any other way.

Anyway, just a suggestion?

Hope he settles down for you.

[AdrianSagerian]

Hi
My 5 yr old daughter has occasionly pushed other children since she was 2. Pushing me stopped a last year but it still carries on in reception school. When I asked her why she does this, she told me its because she likes it. We (Dad and I) are consistent in telling her that pushing is not good but she still does it. Does anyone have any idea what might be going on with her?