What worked with my DD was if she was having a tanturm at home (and she could go on for 45 minutes), I'd just ignore her and get on with something else. I found out the hard way that I couldn't shorten her tantrum if she'd really lost it, if I did, it would just re-start again and be a whole lot worse. Eventually she'd calm down, I'd ask her to apologise and we'd move on. No shouting from me, just very calm, easy instructions.

If we were out and about and she started a tantrum which was disturbing people (such as playgroup) I'd tell her that she'd have to sit nicely or we'd have to leave. If she didn't calm down then it would be straight home.

If we were say in M&S then I'd just let her get on with it (and have to keep saying to people 'no she's not just tired') and ignore her until she'd calm down. She'd apologise and we'd continue our shopping.

She hardly ever tantrums now, obviously mainly due to her growing out of them, but also because she knows that shouting and screaming doesn't make mummy change her mind, asking nicely might.

PS Agree it's annoying when the younger one is affected by the consequences for the older one. Ideally, the consequences would be different but it's not always possible - I guess we have to make lots of fuss of the younger in that situation.

I agree with what Nicacinoonoo said.

I hate seeing kids being ignored (for more than a couple of minutes) while having a tantrum. I am afraid I would have been one of those thinking 'ffs,DEAL with your child...' or even said something sympathetic to you to get you to get up and DO something about it. What did she learn today? That if she has a tantrum nothing will happen? Agree that tantrums are only partly rational behaviour anyway.

Granted my 3 year old has never tantrummed like this - 10 songs and half the way home? My! She did start to have a very-unlike-her meltdown in soft play the other day - what worked was snapping her out of it with distraction (picked her up too, amazes me how many people try to deal with things from a distance) 'oh LOOK, on the WALL - it's funny monsters - HA!' then spoke to her about her behaviour. Was phew! that it actually worked...

Ds is sure to come along and teach me new strategies for dealing with mega tantrums, eh?

saintmaybe - she had her tantrum for the full song period of about 10 songs. She continued her tantrum half the way home and then snapped out it.

A 3 y.o. can understand what is appropriate and what isn't but when she's tired and having a tantrum she probably doesn't think things through. Also when she's having a tantrum she's no longer having fun so I doubt they'd see removal as end of fun and judge it like this for next time. I still think they are unhappy in such situations and what they need is comfort. Talking and analysing can come later.

I might have left her too, as least for a while, depending how well I knew the group, if there was plenty of time for singing or just one song etc. How long did she last?

noseynoonoo i agree with your comments. i would of left her cos if you would of took her out she would of picked up on the fact she could control you in certain situiations. people understand tantrums and wouldnt of been bothered by it.

I agree LilRedWG- I am all for ignoring when you can, but if it spoils other people's enjoyment they have to be removed.

i agree that comfort is not the solution to a tantrum at 3 years old. they know they are being naughty and comfort is like rewarding them for it.

i would have removed her from the immediate group to a corner or just outside of the room and had quiet words with her, explaining that she is being naughty and if she doesnt calm down she will have to go home and a threat of not taking her again.

if she then calmed down i would re join the group, if not i would take her home. then when it comes to next week going again i would say to her before hand that she has to be on her best behaviour if she wants to go and not have a trantrum again like the week before, and keep going over it a few times so that she thoroughly understands that she has to behave.

DD is three and a half btw and I agree with Colditz that at that age they are old enough to know what is appropriate and not.