Concerned about dd2's behaviour

[kando]

My dd2 is 4, will be starting school in September but currently goes to nursery for 2.5 hours every day. She's a model child at nursery (so I'm told!) but she acts like a monster at home! I'm not sure how to handle her any more. Her temper is amazing, to the point where she throws things around the room if I send her there for time out. She is really aggressive towards me (and sometimes dh) whenever I ask her to do something and she doesn't want to do it. She can wake up in the morning and literally, the screaming starts then because she doesn't want to get up. We're talking screaming-at-the-top-of-your-voice type screaming too.

I've tried time-out, I've tried taking her toys away one by one when she's naughty, I've tried bribery, I've tried cuddling her, being very calm with her, ignoring her. Is there anything else I can try? A couple of times I've actually felt like smacking her . It's really getting me down as I feel like I'm letting her down, and letting myself down by not knowing how to handle my own daughter.

She's otherwise a lovely girl, really loving and kind and we do have lots of cuddles and I tell her I love her all the time. We often go out for lunch together after I pick her up from nursery, so she is getting attention too (more than dd1, that's for sure!) I'm really stuck here.

[hermykne]

kando sympathies, if things got that stressful for me i think i'd talk to my doc and any other consultant type person available, your hv. its unfair on you as you do your very best, she is at a developmental turning point i think, as my dd is 4 1/2 and her behaviour has recently altered. but else where i read that at 5 the arguing stops. they reach another plateuax of intellect and how to negotiate their feelings and communicate. hth

[recoveringmum]

maybe you could try talking to her at a time when you are together and both relaxed (and alone) and try to see if anything is bothering her?

otherwise, maybe try to give her ideas of different ways to take out her 'energy', or for the mornings, ask her the night what she wants to do first thing in the morning, maybe lay out her clothes, and let her wake up and get ready on her own or have her own time to do what it was she planned the night before for a little while before you come in?

also seeing your dr maybe a good idea, since maybe she is just missing some vitamins or something

[thelittleElf]

Brilliant idea recoveringmum

[Rebi]

Hiya

A month ago I had started a similar thread (just had a look and can't find it). I have a dd aged 4 also. If you look in the behaviour section there does seem to be an awful lot of Mums at the end of their tether with 4 year old dds! It definitely is an age thing. I thought terrible twos were bad. One month ago I would say I didn't like my dd very much. A month on and with help from Mumnet I have made huge progress. She still has meltdowns but not near as bad.

Basically the big one was getting her out of our bed (she would come in in middle of night)- for some reason that seem to set up clear boundaries for her. She has now been sleeping all night in her own bed, after just two nights of rapid return (which wasn't that bad). We also sat down with her and ds (aged 10 and good as gold most of the time) and set out house rules, such as no screaming, moaning, whinging etc. and what would happen if rules were broken - we would walk out of room and let her get on with it. We had to do this twice and she had the mother of all tantrums. But then she stopped..... couldn't believe it! She did have another one yesterday morning because she wasn't allowed to eat a creme egg for breakfast that she had got from Rainbows the night before!! We just left her to it and she screamed for 30 minutes. We had our breakfast and were ready to leave when she decided that she was bored with it! Hopefully she knows that she won't get her way and will stop for a while again.

Anyway don't know if any of this makes sense. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, it does seem to be an age thing, and that you can change things to improve situation.

good Luck! X