my friends baby hitting and scratching

[smudgy]

My friends dd 19months keeps hitting and scratching my dd 18 months whenever we are in her company. It's a really dificult situation as I very much like my friend and don't want to stop visiting with her but want to protect my dd. Her mother is on top of her behaviour and pulls her up but nothing seems to working at the moment. I can't relax as I am having to watch her all the time to make sure she is safe.

Any thoughts other than withdrawing her completely.

[colditz]

It's normal. Only time will stop it. The only thing you can do is sit in between them

It won't last forever

[MerryMarigold]

i doubt the hitting and scratching will truly damage her. i don't mind when kids do that to my ds (as he is sometimes tempted to - he's 16mo). it teaches him it hurts.

[smudgy]

Thanks, but how much do you let your child be exposed to? Is it acceptable to let her be scratched and hit....The other child is quick....i feel guilty when I return home to see her marks

[MerryMarigold]

i think if she starts crying then you should try and move her. before that, i would let it lie or as colditz says, sit between them until she gets past this phase (i'm sure it is one). maybe playing with the friends dd would help. one my friends pays my ds loads of attention, and he loves this - so do i. i play with her kid, while she plays with mine.

[Soapbox]

Smudgy - this is the age of constant supervision. If she's out of your reach long enough to get scratched then you've taken your eye off her for too long.

At this age children get nothing at all from pl,aying together asa they still parallel play. Get togethers are there for the sanity of mums, the downside is that you can't relax and enjoy it because you need to constantly keep an eye on your child.

Distraction of the other child will work too - as soon as she piles in on your DD find something to get her attention with (or blow a loud whistle) and distract her with that

[MerryMarigold]

oh my gosh soapbox, CONSTANT SUPERVISION is a little scary! i let my ds play in the garden and fill up our drain with bits of cement whilst i cooked the dinner. he probably ate some too! i'm obviously a terrible mother.

[Soapbox]

Sorry didn;t quite mean that!

I meant constant supervision if there is a child around who is intent on harming your precious child

Otherwise a bit of benign neglect works wonders ime

[hana]

this is my 2 at the moment, the poor baby is covered in scrratches and nail marks from the 2 year old - I can leave then for 10 seconds alone poor baby
i need to keep remembering that this is a stage, this is a stage this is a stage.....

[Kelly1978]

right, from a completely different point of view I have twins. They bite and scratch each other constantly and I dn't really think your situation is any different. If two babies of such a young age are put togehter, that is what is going to happen. Mine are just turned two now. They both have a nice bruise each right now from bite marks from each other, and dt1 got hit on the head by dt2 by a plastic hammer today just irrelevantly!

Being a mum of twins teaches you that you can't protect them from every little scrape, and also that it doesnt actually hurt them and they learn from it. Mine are actually getting closer now. sometimes they play together and make each other laugh and they call each other 'bhai' (brother). I've realised that in the long run that a baby isn't going to be able to exert enough force to hurt another the same age. And what they gain from their compainship far outweighs the scrapping.

All you can do is watch their behavour, which it sounds like you are going an excellent job of already, and appreciate that tyour dd does have a close friend and eventually they will learn to get on. En courage them to apologise to each other, emphasise the others feeling, 'you hitting hurt dd' or whatever, and they do learn! It is hard seeing you kids get hurt, but treat it as a learning opportunity and remember all the positives she is getting from socialisign with peers.