Today at a party another child pushed mine in the face - what would you have done?

[Monkeybar]

I was at a 2 year old's birthday party today with my ds (who will be 2 at the end of July). He went to get into an inflatable ball pool, in which there was another child, whose mother was sat on the floor next to the ball pool(I haven't seen either of them before, so don't know her). Her child put his hand up and pushed mine in the face. I said 'there's plenty of room for two in there!!' and lifted my son in. He got straight out, but when he approached the side again to climb back in, the same thing happened!
I said the same and did the same, but I've since been wondering what you are supposed to do in these situations, because I know that there will be many more occasions when someone else's child does something to mine that I will think is unacceptable. I can't believe his mother didn't tell the other child not to push mine in the face,or give me an apologetic look or shrug at the very least.

[FrannyandZooey]

If the parent does not intervene, then I do, in the way that I think most appropriate

In this situation I would have probably said "No don't push" and used my body to protect my ds so the other child could not get at him

[HillarysDancingInTheFairyField]

I would have said to the child "Thats not very nice is it hmm?" and if the mother said anything about it I would have said the same to her. You cant let your ds think this behaviour is exceptable.

[luciemule]

I'd have said liudly enough for her to hear but to her child "no - we don't push other people do we? Are you ok [insert your child's name]?" Then the mother would know it was her child that hurt your's and would hopefully react. Did she see or was she looking the other way? If she didn't react after I'd said that, I would take child away - I know it's backing down but wouldn't want my child push in the face again. Some people really are oblivios to their DCs behaviour and it riles me!

[LilyLoo]

Agree with fandz you need to say it if their parent doesn't.

[luciemule]

Loudly not luidly

[Tortington]

"hay don't do that"

would be my response

[handlemecarefully]

ummmmm.....well just being devil's advocate for a moment, perhaps she felt no need to intervene since you had done it already? Pushing amongst 2 year olds is relatively normal. Yes it needs to be held in check and the behaviour challenged, but tbh if my 2 year old pushed another child and the other mum got in first with (an entirely appropriate) rebuke to my child I would think that was sufficient. I think Twiglett uses the term 'community parenting'

[Monkeybar]

My ds wasn't actually hurt by this child, nor did he seem upset by it, but it did upset me. No wonder teh country's going to the dogs etc etc if children aren't taught what is acceptable and what isn't. I'm a bit of a mouse, but don't want ds to get picked on because of my lack of backbone!

[handlemecarefully]

Please don't take this the wrong way, but is your ds your first and only so far?

[ScoobyDooooo]

My response would have been -

Thats was not very nice,now come on shall we play nicely, afterall they are only 2 but yes i agree they need to be told.

[Monkeybar]

I suppose I didn;t feel confident enough to rebuke someone else's child when they are sitting right there and really it's their job. That's why I went for the third party vague comment

[Monkeybar]

handlemecarefully, yes he is and is it THAT obvious?!!

[glassslipper]

this has happened to me.

i said to said very loudly mother : excuse me but your child has just hit my DD in the face.

she look totally unbothered but then saw the looks on her friends faces and told her child to say sorry. he refused so she threatened to take him home. he still refused so she took him to another area in the place. doh!

but...i made my point and the mother now always watches her son if my dd is around she was very embarrassed.

[ScoobyDooooo]

I can understand what your saying monkeybar but i think you will come across this sort of thing again, they are only 2 so still learning whats wrong/right etc, some babies go through stages like this & it is not an easy situation, but to be honest if that had been my son & i had seen i would have taken him out, explained that it was not nice & said please play nicely or we will have to leave.

[handlemecarefully]

Sorry monkeybar - and I can't think of a tactful way of putting what I want to say across and if I try I will probably dig a big hole and offend you...

[handlemecarefully]

Ah very helpful post from Scooby

[misdee]

i really cannot comment.


....

[Monkeybar]

Now I'm intrigued! Do say what you think, handlemecarefully, and I promise I'll try not to get offended. I am aware that I'm an overprotective mother already

[FairyEdwards]

say to the mother to take respnsibility for their childs behaviour - loads of laid back parents don't see thigns right in front of their faces.

[handlemecarefully]

Well just what you said right there - you are getting it slightly out of proportion / mildly over protective (and I've been there and done that too!...particularly when relatively 'new' to parenting)

Now, if the other mother had taken you to task for your (perfectly sensible) intervention then you've got a decent gripe...but it seems she accepted your approach - so that's okay isn't it?

But then, I wasn't there so I don't know

[Monkeybar]

I suppose what I was wondering was - is it 'acceptable' to reprimand someone else's child (not that I even did that, really), or is the best course of action to always turn the other cheek, and remove your own child from the situation. But then does that give the impression that strength is always best and gets you what you want and isnt it punishing your own child for another's behaviour?
Aaarrgh! WHy is this parenting lark so hard !!!

[handlemecarefully]

Imo it is acceptable to reprimand other people's children (in a gentle but firm way). But true - not every one feels that way. Yes it is a minefield isn't it

[slim22]

imo it is very tactless to reprimand another child but you still have to do it if their behaviour is not acceptable.
The most important thing for my me is that MY kid gets the right message and feels cared for and guided in a difficult situation.
DS is the gentlest ever little boy and I had to do a lot of fending off and protecting and encouraging. Now that he can talk he "hits" back himself with a heavy comment when provoked.That works a treat.
But honestly I think we sometimes over do it.
In some situations, children just want to be left alone and don't want to engage in play with our children. We should be able to recognize that and give them some space and not be offended by the fact that our precious little one was rejected by a palymate. Certainly this is a fact of life that they need to experience and come to terms with, with as little drama as possible?

[northerner]

If I tell another child I do it in a soft tone and always add darling/sweetheart at the end ' "Oh don't do that darling. You might hurt him"

That way Mother can not arsey as I said it in a nice tone.

[colditz]

If not parentally pounced upon, I would say "Oh that's not nice, we don't do that, do we?"