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Behaviour/development

jelousy among siblings

6 replies

stellinadinatale · 20/02/2007 22:47

hello, I have 2 boys, the eldest is 32 months and the youngest is 19 months. My big problem is that at the moment motherhood for me has become hell as my boys are very jelous of each other. doing simple everyday tasks seems impossible as everythings is an excuse for them for throwing massive tamtrums making my life impossible. my husband is not supportive as he thinks that all this is normal but he is always at work and he cannot understand. I need some advices please help me...

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kiminutter · 20/02/2007 23:29

Hi there. My DD and DS1 were born 13 months apart, I understand how difficult things can get! I used to take them to mother and toddler groups etc in the mornings, and hopefully they would then have a decent nap in the afternoons so I could get things done.
Getting them to play together nicely, maybe helping them do a little jigsaw puzzle or reading a story together may encourage them to be friends?
The most important thing to me when mine were little (at one point I had 3 under school age) was A BREAK! My friend and I sometimes took turns to watch each other's kids for a few hours. If you explain to DH, maybe he could take over for an hour or so - he might understand what you mean if he gets first hand experience!

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stellinadinatale · 21/02/2007 16:32

thanks for your advice, I will try to do it. I feel lucky in a way that for the moment we can afford to send my eldest to nursery 4 days a week and this gives me some break in a way...
Sometimes I think that it is the relationship I have with my eldest that does not work. he is the one the is more hyperactive and more attached and obsessed with mum. My second simply started to copy him. This scares me because i do not want him to become as demanding as my first one.
anyway can anybody explain to me why everybody call their kids DD DS DD1 etc? what does it mean? and DH??
thanks (hmm)

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kiminutter · 21/02/2007 17:15

Hi again, if you click on 'acronym list' near the top of the page all will be revealed. Welcome to mumsnet!

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JenIndigo · 22/02/2007 09:19

Hi,

My DD is 3.5 and is just kicking off with some real jealousy about DS, 1.5. She's always been really good, and never lashed out at any other children, but the other day she actually bit him on the arm whilst my back was turned. He was so upset - he really looks up to her (probably not good for her ego!) Jealousy now manifesting itself in regressing on her toilet training, and wetting herself, I think to get attention, because she also wants me to come and spend hours in the toilet with her, without DS...so I'm tearing my hair out. Trying to remember to reward when she's good, and not give attention when bad, but not easy, is it? Find it a big help if DD and I can do something special together while DS has his nap - messy painting or games with little fiddly bits he can't play with, or messing around with my jewellery, etc - maybe when the youngest one naps, you could try making it a special mummy-oldest one time? Not saying it's worked miracles yet, but seems to help a bit...

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grannycrackers · 22/02/2007 10:18

my dd, 3, had a big problem with jealousy of my ds, 6months, from when he was born. one thing that helped, which my hv told me to do ( and she is one of those rare things - a very, very good hv) was to make a fuss of the little one in front of the older one but to involve her in it. so encourage the older one to play with the little one, tickle him, change his nappy, read to him, etc, etc, while watching carefully. before that we had done the opposite, trying not to fuss over the little one. she also said to give the little one one-to-one attention and tell the older one that they would both have turns

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stellinadinatale · 22/02/2007 14:11

thank you for the acronym list now i understand.
today i went to the swimmimpol with my younger son. it was so scared! he eventually enjoyed and so did I. sometime I feel guilty because I think that enjoy spending time with the little one as he is easier to manage and throws less tantrums. My oldest son who is 32 months, is so difficult to please and he does so many things that annoys me and this put me off a little bit. Anything is an excuse to scream, or throw mega tantrums... I know that he is suffering and his jelousy is just a way to show it. sometime i feel that I am a bad mother because my patience runs out to quickly and I cannot wait for him to go to nursery...(sad)