how do you deal with whining and whinging? (or a thinly veiled judgmental thread...)

[hatwoman]

all kids do it, don;t they? we've just been on holiday. 5 out of 6 families dealt with it in pretty much the same way "I'll talk to you when you drop the whiney voice and speak to me properly". the kids didn;t get told off as such, just a clear message that it wasn't acceptable and they weren't going to get a response. but one family drove me up the wall. one child in particular whined and whinged and moaned and complained about everything. (she had a horrible holiday, apparently, the place sucked, the cake was horrid, and she wanted to go home. on and on and on). I never once heard the remotest tinge of disapproval from an adult. no guidance or hint that this was not an acceptable way of being. just responses to her whines. the poor kid needs to know! she's already having the piss taken out of her by her peers, she's already coming up against adults who don;t have time for her. what hope has she got if nobody tells her? I know you're meant to ignore bad behaviour - but this isn;t ignoring it - it's responding to it - it's conducting a conversation with it. I can just about accept that there might be circumstances I don;t know about that justify the parents' behaviour, but I'm not entirely sure what.

[hatwoman]

just re-read that. what a boring thread. just had to get it off my chest really as parents and child have been driving me mad all week.

[Greensleeves]

Hmm, I do sympathise as whining and whinging make me homicidal. Is it possible they thought they were doing the right thing by "ignoring the bad" though? Or maybe they are better at dealing with her at home but just find disciplining in front of an audience harder?

It would have really riled me though, there's nothing more anoying than a sulky discontented child carping away all the time. DS1 has a tendency to whinge and it brings out the worst in me.

[Greensleeves]

annoying

I can spell, it's sloppy typing!

[KTeePee]

How old was the child?

[Piffle]

in our house it's
Come back when you can ask/talk/speal properly.
No whinging (except for me LOL)

[hatwoman]

she was about 8 or 9 I think. I've been wondering about whether this is "ignoring the bad" but I don;t think it is. surely by engaging with a child who behaves this way you're rewarding - not ignoring - the bad? whereas the gentle pointer and refusal to hold a conversation on such terms, whilst not entirely "ignoring" is surely nearer. i think...

[Toots]

It's not boring at all. And in my opinion you are completely right. They are teaching her nothing useful by responding to her when she's talking that way.

[climbingrosie]

Interesting thread. I think it is Bidulph who argues that whinging and whining is learnt and a pattern of speaking that children learn to do and then do unconsciously through re-enforcement. It really annoys me too and my ds was told the first time he did it that it's not a 'normal' way to speak and I only understand him when he uses a normal voice. Soon all I had to say when he started whinging was say "normal voice" and now it has become a common phrase amongst all my family and even some friends, so even in conversations between adults it's "use a normal voice"! DS has told me a few times too .



The older children are, the more annoying I find it...I would have said something to the child myself ...(but then I'm a primary teacher and slip into automatic mode around children even with the parent around )