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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Ds1 adamant that he used to be a little girl, and wants to be a girl again when he grows up

23 replies

colditz · 14/02/2007 13:37

He is 3.10. How can I convince him that being a boy and a man is just as cool?

This seems to have come about because he is under the impression that girls are allowed to hit people and be naughty at playschool

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colditz · 14/02/2007 13:43

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TooTicky · 14/02/2007 13:45

If girls are treated differently from boys at playschool, maybe you need to have a word with the staff. Why don't you go to the library and find some nice books about boys doing exciting/fun things?

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edam · 14/02/2007 13:47

Unless playschool are overtly sexist (always a chance, I suppose) then I imagine he may be talking about one or two little girls who stand out. Worth talking to school about what he's said to try to find out what's behind it...

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colditz · 14/02/2007 13:48

Good idea. I don't know what to say to the staff really, I think they already think I am a pushy mother, because ds1 is fascinated by numbers and letters, yet his social skills leave a lot to be desired sometimes, and he has delayed speech.

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grandads · 14/02/2007 13:49

have you got any daughters?

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RosaLuxembourg · 14/02/2007 13:50

I really wouldn't worry about it. I think it is quite normal at this age to believe that gender is changeable on demand. I have 3 DDs and DD1 at that age demanded a willy and claimed she was going to sit on the loo and wait for one to grow! They don't see anything physical as immutable - DD3 is now four and a half and still thinks she can be a blue giraffe when she grows up. Around five or so I think they realise that they are stuck with what they are born with.

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colditz · 14/02/2007 13:50

He might be - there is a little girl who has ADHD and is a very busy child. But from what I have seen they deal with her very well ... but maybe he only sees that she does naughty things without so much telling off, because the bar is (naturally) set a bit lower for her behavior.

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colditz · 14/02/2007 13:50

No, only 2 boys,.

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grandads · 14/02/2007 13:51

it is normal colditz, honestly dont worry!

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edam · 14/02/2007 13:51

I'd just say to them you are concerned/were surprised that ds told you ... and then give them the exact words he used as far as possible. Ask them what they think may have caused this and what can be done to sort the situation out and make it clear to ds that being a boy is good.

It obviously bothers him if he's talking to you about it so playschool should take it seriously (this is what ds's nursery teacher told me when I asked her about something ds had said).

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BettySpaghetti · 14/02/2007 13:53

Try not to worry about it. As hes nearly 4 it probably won't be long before girls become "eurgh" to him anyway. They seem to reach a point around then when talking to a girl/mentioning a girls name/anything to do with girls becomes a no-go.

(and then of course, some years down the line, it all changes again and they start fancying them!)

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colditz · 14/02/2007 13:54

Thank you all. I should stop worrying. I will have a little chat after half term though, if he keeps talking about it.

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JillyBeansNW · 14/02/2007 13:55

My Little brother (now 35) used to say that he wanted to be a girl when he grew up. Apart from denying that he ever ever said that he is now quite well adjusted and normal .
The reason he said that was because I was bigger than him (only 15 months older though) and better at 'stuff'. I would only worry about the reason he is saying that - girls shouldn't be able to hit people at playschool should they??

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colditz · 14/02/2007 13:57

I think maybe because there is a little girl there who hits a lot, as part of her behavior.

It makes a change though, for his to be thinking girls are the naughty ones

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Pinotmum · 14/02/2007 13:59

IME of working in pre-schools sometimes girls are quietly "naughty" and it gets overlooked/missed whereas boys misbehaviour is boisterous and loud and visible. Is there any one girl your ds is aware of? It is sad imo that boys can't play rough and tumble games at pre-shools or make "weapons" and are encouraged be less boisterous instead of just being supervised in these games. My ds is forever pulled up about making rockets with lego and it does annoy him as his teacher told me he argues with her about it. I can see where your ds may start to see unfairness slipping in. My ds now just dislikes girls full stop - oh dear! No advice really but will watch this thread with interest

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colditz · 14/02/2007 14:01

Ahhhhh

Just had a little conversation with him

He has indeed been hit by a little girl, and this seems to have taken on mammoth proportions in his mind, although he does say the teacher 'telled her naughty'

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colditz · 14/02/2007 14:03

And it wasn't the little girl who has ADHD, so if there is, by pure chance, a lot of feminine hitting going on, maybe he thinks that this is because they are allowed to?

I don't know. You raise a good point Pinotmum.

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Rantum · 14/02/2007 14:05

At great-grandma's on the weekend, ds (2yrs) spotted a picture of mummy (me) when I was a little girl with a round face and very short hair. He picked it up, fascinated, and started to show everyone... "mummy, boy...mummy, boy". Hmmm. Toddlers and young children seem to have a very limited and simplistic view of gender differences and as you have said colditz, they may decide that the other sex is better, or has it easier, for very superficial reasons (from an adult perspective. As the very short hair indicates, I spent a portion of my childhood thinking I should have been a boy - had no permanent ramifications and I quite like my feminine wiles these days .

I bet this view of girls changes as soon as your ds finds that there are things in life that seems to favour the male gender!

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Rantum · 14/02/2007 14:08

Hitting is out of order though - sounds like ds feels that if he was a girl maybe the girl who hit him wouldnt get away with it or something?

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colditz · 14/02/2007 20:05

I think he feels that if he was a girl he could hit people without being told off. Which shouldn't be true.

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colditz · 18/02/2007 15:55

Ok, the day is tomorrow, do you think I should say something to the playschool?

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gemmiegoatlegs · 18/02/2007 16:01

agree with the youngest kids not grasping gender differences. My ds is 3.5 and if he sees a girl with short hair and trews he will not believe she is a girl.

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grannycrackers · 18/02/2007 21:12

you could say something to the playschool but i don't think you should worry about it. my first ds spent most of a term at nursery, when 3, thinking he was a cat. they had to ask me to stop sending him in a cat costume as the other parents were getting fed up
one of my friends sons spent some time pretending to be a girl and wore a dress around their farm for a few days. he likes being a (teenage) boy now

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