Ds just had 2 year check and they want to see him again - advice please!

[Mummy2TandF]

I have just got back from taking ds to his 2 year check. (he is 2.3) They have said that his sentance formation and communication is above average and his abilities are also very advanced, however they feel he has concentration issues - ds has always been a very active boy and he always flits from one thing to another but I thought that was normal for a 2 year old. After today I am quite concerned, they also commented that he should be clean by now (he was nearly clean but I had dd 13 weeks ago and he has regressed slightly) - My mum has said from the day ds could crawl (6 months) that she can't handle him, to the extent that she has only looked after him 4 times in 2.3 years and that was when my dad was at home - I have alays been annoyed with her over this because she paints ds as some sort of devil child (which he really isn't) But after today they have got me worried - could his concentration issues be because he iis intelligent and therefore bored with age appropriate things? The HV suggested that they refer him to a SN nursery but I was reluctant as I really don't think he has special needs, they agreed to reasses him in 3 months time. Help what are your suggestions - please help me am a bit upset at the moment

[mumto3girls]

how long did they actually spend wit you and DS and what tyoe of activities did they expect him to do?

Seems to be a bit of a snap judgement to me!!

[zubb]

not really sure what to suggest M2t&f - but I would ask the HV what she thinks the issues are so that you know why she thinks that the SN nursery would be a good idea.

[nogoes]

I am gobsmacked, how can they refer him to a special needs nursery afer spending a limited amount of time with him? My ds is 2.6 and he is not potty trained yet I am planning to start at Easter but none of my ante natal friends LO's are either.

Do you have any concerns yourself?

[Mummy2TandF]

mumto3girls - they were with ds for about 30 mins (if that) and they wanted him to do a jigsaw, build a 5 block tower, point to his nose, eyes etc. IMHO I think he got bored but then am I just saying that because he is my ds?

[KTeePee]

From what you have said fI ind it hard to understand why they would refer him to SN nursery. What do you mean when you say "should be clean by now" - do you mean potty/toilet trained? Because if so I would say your HV has no idea what she is talking about and would treat all of her comments as utter rubbish...

[WigWamBam]

This all sounds very strange to me.

I'm surprised they think he should be clean at 2 ... a more usual age is 3, and often being clean comes much later than being dry.

And I would have assumed that most two year olds have the concentration and attention span of a goldfish - all the ones I've known have! Flitting from one thing to another is pretty normal for a child that age.

A referral to a SN nursery seems very extreme, and I would say is a complete overreaction given what you've said.

[tortoiseSHELL]

Mummy2TandF - it sounds like one of two things - either you have a daft HV - lots of children aren't toilet trained at 2.3, lots of 2 year olds can't concentrate, OR she wants to check something she hasn't mentioned - maybe there's something she's spotted that she wants following up without alarming you.

Hope things are oK!

[totaleclipse]

Sorry, but what a load of tosh, how can anyone judge after spening a short while with a child, does she mean he does'nt concentrate for long periods? if so thats typical of a toddler, and if she is saying he does'nt concentrate at all, then how could he be so bright, and as for saying he should be clean by now, at 2 yrs of age is just utterly ridiculous.

[mumto3girls]

I think thats terrible! I don't believe that they could find a problem in 30 mins that you would not have noticed yourself in 2.3 years!

I would ask exactly what issues she tinks she has picked up!

[Mummy2TandF]

zubb - the HV just said that he has "very limited concentration" - I do agree that he flits from thing to thing but don't all children of 2? - He did everything they asked and then went off to investigate the room etc.
nogoes - We are getting there with the potty training but as I said he did regress when dd was born - but again I think that is normal.
I am trying to find a nursery for him at the moment so he can go there 2 afternoons a week as I do think he gets bored at home because I have to deal with dd aswell now. but I don't wnat them to refer him to the sn nursery - If I thought that there was a need for it I really wouldn't mind but I didn't think there was an issue

[KTeePee]

When ds2 went for his two year checkup, he totally hated being in the doctors surgery and kept trying to get out of the HV's office! We made another appointment and she came to our house that time. He wasn't saying very much at that stage and I can't remember if he did all the little "tasks" but she didn't seem at all worried...

[gegs73]

Sounds like she was abit over the top to me. I have just started now potty training ds who is 2.8 yo and he was no way ready before this time. Half of his friends are in the same boat.

Also though ds seems fairly bright ask him to 'perform' for a stranger and he will start doing the most bizare things just because he is embarrassed. I've not met your son so hard to comment but can you get a second opinion from anywhere??

[gigglinggoblin]

he should be clean as in potty trained? my ds is 2.8 and i havent even started trying yet, my other 2 were 3 when they were clean and hv said that was roughly average for boys. if they are worried about that it makes them nutters imo.

re your mum - could it just be that she struggles with small children? lots of people do and i have been told by lots of people that boys are far more physical than girls and can come as a bit of a shock if thats what you are used to (i only have boys and they are all live wires!)

my eldest ds has sn and did not go to a sn nursery and is doing very well in mainstream school so i think the idea of a sn nursery sounds like a bit of an overreaction. do you take him to toddler groups? does he stand out hugely from the crowd? nursery did have concerns about ds2 when he was 3 as he was very active and didnt concentrate but no one is concerned about him now (he is 6).

i would try not to worry, go back in 3 months but not take what they have said too seriously

[Merlin]

Just a thought - is there any chance that she actually though your DS is older than he is?

Either that or she just doesn't have a clue - the comment about 'clean' is just plain ridiculous!

Hope you get it sorted and try not to worry - he sounds pretty normal for a 2 yr old to me!

[WigWamBam]

Surely he would need a diagnosis and a statement to be sent to a SN nursery?

This is very strange.

[totaleclipse]

Dont worry, he cant be referred to a SN Nursery without your say so.

[Mummy2TandF]

I am not sure whether the SN nursery was mentioned because they would take him while he is still in nappies. But it was defn mentioned because they can give him constant stimulation.
I do feel that he does need a nursery or something to channel his energy and am in the process of finding a good one locally but not the SN one.

[Mummy2TandF]

They did say that it would be my decision to refer him to the nursery and I said no, so that's an end to that really although the fact that they suggested it worries me. They may well have thought that ds was older than he is - everybody thinks that he is 3-3.5 when they first see him - but surely they would know because we were there for the 2 year check!

[KTeePee]

Most places that take children from 2.5 will be happy to take them still in nappies - I know your ds is a bit younger than that - maybe the HV is aware that not many nurseries offer places to children his age (unless they are daycare type ones) and thought she was being helpful

[Mummy2TandF]

KTeePee - You could be right - they did say that he was very bright and avanced (except for his concentration) and I said that I thought he needed a nursery but that not many will take him now because of his age. So maybe she was trying to be helpful

[percypig]

Just wanted to point out that Special needs does not always mean a child has difficulties or is developmentally below the average - whatever that is!! I agree with others that it seems strange to expect him to be toilet trained at that age. If he is very bright, then more specialist attention could be a really positive thing. I really wouldn't worry about it - but as you are going back in 3 months you could consider keeping a wee diary of his behaviour and development to give you concrete examples to talk about.

[strongteabag]

I am shocked too. I thought all 2 year old boys had concentration issues! And with a new baby he is bound to be a bit hyper or unsettled anyway!

Please don't worry, she may just be being over cautious. HV's often re-check chidlren when they are unsure. Stand your ground too, a good health visitor should trust your instincts, you obviously know your boy best.

As for the potty training, that is absolute tosh. It's well known that loads of little boys are almost 3 before they are clean and dry! And all the playgroups I have been to have benn ok taking children in nappies. A SN Nursery should be prepared to change nappies too I would think.

[Mummy2TandF]

percypig - He is bright and very independant - he thinks that he is 2 going on 22 he can not be coersed(sp?) into to doing anything he doesn't want to - neither can he be distracted when he is intent on doing something. I have now asked for a list of all my local nurseries and will look into all of them for staff/child ratios etc beacuse I do think that he needs to be stretched a bit more than I can do at home atm.

[Jimjams2]

The nappies thing is crazy- neither here nor there, entirely normal not to be potty trained at his age. Did he build the tower, point to his eyes etc? If he didn't point then it would be fairly standard to call him back tbh, as it would be if he refused to take part in the tests (whether he can do them or not at home- doing them with a stranger is a bit different, tests different things).

You don't need a statement or diagnosis to attend a SN nursery (if you did they would be empty quite frankly - it can be very difficult to get both in the pre-school years).

3 months is a fairly standard follow up time as well- it will allow him to mature a little, and will be easier to tell whether there are any problems or just a child who's quite flitty (again not usually a problem at his age- but can be a sign of problems if it persists in an older child- so if its marked they'll pick it up).

[saffymum]

Congratulations, it sounds to me like you have a wonderful and totally normal 2.3 year old toddler. I would ignore the whole check and just get on with your life. Its very unfair nowdays that HV, Docs and nurseries expect your child to fit into a 'box'and do exactly what others do. My DS is a hugely active kid who gets more revved up when he is in a strange place, he NEVER performs on command, (he's not a dog or a circus act) and he is definitely not 'clean' (what a stupid definition) he is slowly learning to sit on a potty at bathtime but screams the place down if pushed or forced to do it any other time of the day and he is 2.10, don't worry I have been feeling really stressed about comments made by others recently but I've decided that they can all go and jump off a short pier. My little boy is intelligent and just doesn't find their activities interesting. You should see him sit and play with his trains for 3 hours without budging!