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Behaviour/development

Dd1 driving me insane

8 replies

mrshenry · 11/02/2007 22:44

I really need some advice on how to cope with my dd1 (3.6) who is driving me NUTS!! She has always been feisty but was a very sweet natured little girl until...dd2 arrived 9 months ago. Seemingly overnight she has had a personality change and has gone mental. Both dh and I spent time preparing her for her sister's arrival and have made the extra effort to make sure she is getting lots of 1 to 1 attention from us. She is so angry about everything, often with no provocation ( e.g., do you want a drink? NO!! GO AWAY!!!).When on her own she reverts to the little girl she was, but as soon as dd2 is on the scene she reverts to being so horrid. She shouts at the baby NO!! STOP IT!! BE QUIET!!! at the slightest murmur from the baby. She has at least 3 major meltdown tantrums a day; time out, sticker charts etc. do not seem to be making any difference at all. I kept thinking it is just a phase, classic sibling rivalry, but the baby is now 9 mths old and things are getting worse. Can anyone share any tips on how to get your children to like each other???

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bandofgold · 11/02/2007 23:07

aww poor you.. does she share in looking after her sister, does she have her own special baby and pram. nursery. can't say anything else. lots of tlc to her perhaps

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mrshenry · 11/02/2007 23:21

Despite my best efforts to get her involved in baby related activities (nappy change, bath etc) she has no interest in spending any time the baby at all! I think at best she tolerates her; she sees her sister only as someone who can a) steal her toys and b) take mummy and daddy's attention away.
Every day just seems to be a battle. I can vaguely remember a time when I daydreamed about having children; now I have days when it feels like a prison sentence!!!

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Aloha · 12/02/2007 00:02

What worked very well for me was persuading my ds that dd absolutely worshipped him. I started even before she was born, talking in a tiny baby voice to say, 'goodnight big brother, I love you' as if the baby in my tummy was speaking. Obviously he knew that it was me, but he loved the idea so much he sort of suspended his disbelief. Then from day one, I'd lay it on with a trowel - 'ah look, she only smiles for you!' 'do you know what she's thinking? She's thinking, 'I wish I could be like my big brother who is so clever'" And i'd say, 'poor baby, she can't do anything really and you can do X and Y. She thinks you are so great" and I'd also do the baby voice, 'Thank you big brother, I really, really love you". I also did stuff like be really cuddly with ds and kept telling him he was so special because he was my first little baby and told him loads of stories from his own babyhood so he realised that all the stuff the baby had now, he had once, and kept saying how exciting is it to have a big boy who can do X and Y, and how proud I was of him. My ds is quite a laid-back chap, which helped, though at first we had some pretty horrid behaviour. It did work after a couple of months and they are two and five now and while they do have little spats about taking turns etc (dd can be very annoying!) they say they love each other every day. I think for sibling rivalry sticker charts and time out don't really work tbh.

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Aloha · 12/02/2007 00:03

I'd also say, I love ds, baby loves ds, and we all love each other'.

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mrshenry · 12/02/2007 00:22

Thanks for that Aloha, lots of helpful stuff there. I guess I do tend to treat dd1 as much older than she is; her language has always been advanced, I forget she is only three. I think she might fall for all the 'you are so clever, you can do x, y, z; poor baby can't do anything line'. We tried the star charts/time out approach more for her other areas of behaviour which seem to have gone into meltdown aswell, (hitting out at me/being nasty to cousins/grandmother etc). But this is not working so I guess it is all just a way of acting out her frustration at not being the centre of the universe anymore. Thanks for your advice. x

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Aloha · 12/02/2007 00:28

Oh yes, sorry keep meaning to go to bed, but wanted to add, I really, really babied ds sometimes. I'd cradle him in my arms and say, 'oh, look at my lovely little baby' and stuff like that. He was the same age roughly as your dd is now and he just seemed to need it sometimes. I'd do it if he seemed a bit emotionally fragile and unpredictable.

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Aloha · 12/02/2007 00:29

I really did make ds believe that he was the centre of his sister's universe - I was shameless about laying it on!

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Bucketsofdynomite · 12/02/2007 08:25

Has she got a baby doll of her own she can take it out on? Baby Born is the quietest/easiest to clean (and she doesn't have to know it can poo).

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