music lessons - won't practise - what to do?

[snorkle]

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[VioletBaudelaire]

If she's so upset, it would suggest that she's prepared to put more effort in now, so maybe relent for one more term?
Maybe you could agree regular practise times for your DD, and insist she sticks to them. And if she doesn't then other activities have to wait until she has done her practise.
You could also say that if she ducks out of lessons again then she has to pay for the lesson herself.

[Enid]

I think you have done the right thing

maybe there is something else she would like to do instead?

[Hermit]

I think I would give her one more chance too. Does she need help in getting into a practice routine. My ds (10) would never take his saxophone out either if I didn't gice a prompt - 'when are you going to fit in your practice tonight?' or 'there's 15 mins to tea-time, why don't you do your practice now?', etc. His music teacher says even 10 minutes 3 or 4 times a week will keep him going. Good Luck.

[JustIvor]

I'd say that you've done the right thing. I had this with dd. I didn't want her to do the instrument for a second year as she wouldn't do the practice without a lot of nagging from me and I didn't want another year of that. Without my permission, she told the teacher that she would be doing it again the second year and so I paid up etc etc. Did she practice? Did she heck! So she gave up at the end of the second year and the teacher was gutted as she is really quite talented apparently. Now, ds is a grafter. He does his practice with a much smaller amount of nagging/reminding. He isn't talented as such but is quite good and he gets to go to the symphony halls and eisteddfods and gets lots out of the instument and the band he plays in.

Sorry that is so long!

[drifter]

This is a tricky one. In my childhood most of my friends told their parents they wanted to give up playing instruments, but they all regretted it later in life. My mum didn't let me give up, and I was grateful in the end!

I think children have to be forced into things like this sometimes, and will thank you for it later. Obviously there are always going to be other things more exciting than practising, so you have to help them along if you feel it's a worthwhile thing.

Perhaps practising on her own isn't enough by itself - could she join an orchestra or some sort of chamber group so that she enjoys playing without the feeling of isolation?

[snorkle]

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[drifter]

As I said, I think she needs to get involved in an orchestra and that will help her get more enjoyment from it.

[snorkle]

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[wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe]

I think you have done the right thing. If she's not practicing, then tbh she's probably not that motivated. If she genuinely wanted to play, and wanted to be good, she would be putting the practice in to be good.

If she really regrets it you could always take up the lessons again in a couple of terms when she's more motivated.

[CocoLoco]

I've just this morning cancelled my oldest son's music lessons as he never practises - I think I'm more upset about it than he is though. But if your daughter says she really wants to continue, let her know she's on a final warning and you won't carry on paying out indefinitely. And no missed lessons!

I stopped violin lessons aged 14 but always thought I'd go back to them at some point - when I found out my mother had sold my gorgeous violin without telling me I was so upset - still makes me / now - so maybe make it clear to her that if she doesn't take it a bit more seriously, you'll cancel the lessons and there will be no going back.

I agree that orchestra would be good if she does continue, I only ever enjoyed playing violin in an ensemble, whereas I played piano every day without anyone having to force me to practise.

[tortoiseSHELL]

Hi snorkle - I would go for out for school lessons, they willprobably be cheaper anyway - I charge £11 for half an hour for piano lessons. Re practice, the only way to do it is to have a regular time slot when she practices - good ones I think are before school, immediately getting home for school or straight after tea, as then you have a 'memory prop' - it is part of a routine, rather than 'I've got to get some practice done some time today...'

Ideally she should do 20-30 mins every day, and I always say to my pupils that it is much better to do a little every day (even if it's only 5 or 10 mins) rather than a mammoth hour long session at the weekend, as it seems to be the frequency of practicing that makes most difference.

It sounds like she does want to continue, but maybe she needs a bit more 'hands on' support - can you do her practice with her maybe? Having taught for nearly 10 years now, and watching my 5 year old begin violin, I'm very much of the opinion that if a parent can be involved in the practice it is very much more productive - I'm starting to say this to all the parents of my pupils now.

Sorry this is long!

[snorkle]

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[ejt1764]

Hi snorkle,

I was a child who had problems remembering to go to lessons, and kept not practising - the thing that swung it for me was being able to take part in an orchestra - and not necessarily the school orchestra.

I played trombone and piano - eventually, the piano dropped away as I started playing in ensembles of various kinds with the trombone.

The idea of a fixed time slot at home to practise is a good one - it was the only way it ever happened for me. I also used to leave my tronbone in school for 2 or 3 days, and practised there - is there any way she can pratice at school?

The fact that she's in tears suggests to me that she does want to do it ... but she's got to know that this is the very final warning.

[mawbroon]

What exactly are her lessons like? I had school violin lessons and private piano lessons as a kid. None of the music inspired me - scales and studies and tunes that I had never heard in my life. I hated it but as a teenager started playing traditional fiddle music (completely independantly of school) which I then went on to make a living from for a while. (Still gigging now and again). There was an real emphasis on doing exams which was a bind - as a school kid, my life was already full of exams. There was no fun to music lessons at all. The best part was that you got to miss maths (or whatever)
I might be way off the mark. Perhaps your dd doesn't feel like this at all, but it might be worth investigating.
I am glad I stuck at it because now, music will always be a part of my life and hey, I can always make a few quid doing it too.

[Dinosaur]

Stop the lessons. Do something else instead. Start again in a year's time if she's still interested.

[paulaplumpbottom]

Where does she practise when she does? Just like having a proper place to do homework helps the same goes with a practise area. I have a walk in closeet that I practise in. There are never any distractions. I understand if you don't have a large closet but even a corner in your house thats free of distraction and only used for practise might help.

[frogs]

When you say 'won't practise', do you mean she refuses outright when you remind her? Or just that she doesn't get round to it in the course of a busy week?

If it's the former, then clearly cancelling the lessons is the right thing to do. If the latter, then I think you may be expecting a higher level of organisation from her than she can manage -- my dd1 does practise and does enjoy playing but would probably only get round to it once a week if I weren't on her case about it, just because she has lots of other things on her mind.

In that case the things to try would be having a fixed time to practise every day, and maybe using a kitchen timer so she knows when her time is up. And be prepared to have to remind her and supervise the practice yourself.

[snorkle]

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[frogs]

Snorkle, that sounds like good news. Dd1 is pretty scatty as well, but has become quite efficient wrt homework now she's at secondary school, probably in part as she doesn't want to become the first person in her form to get a detention!

She generally does her homework downstairs while I'm making supper, so it's relatively easy for me to say "music practice" and she goes and does it. But if not reminded it will often not happen.

Hope your dd manages to sort things out for herself.

[Booboobedoo]

Snorkle: That sounds like the right course to me (and good on the school for being so supportive).

I wouldn't practice my piano unless forced - even though I loved playing. I also missed about half of my clarinet lessons at school as I genuinely forgot to go (at around your daughter's age).

I'm now a professional musician, and so glad I was pushed to stick at it.

If she wasn't bothered that would be one thing, but it sounds like she was genuinely upset when you cancelled her lessons.

[snorkle]

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[snorkle]

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[paulaplumpbottom]

You only need a corner that is clutter free /with no distractions. If its open plan, make sure all tvs and radios are off. I would go as far as unplugging the phone if need be.

[pointydog]

Can you get her cheaper lessons and let her continue if that's what she wants to do?