My six year old was once a lovely boy, now he is cheeky and demanding

[paulinec]

Wonder if any of you have any comments, my ds1 use to be such a sweet boy and very considerate. Now he answers back, is cheeky does not listen to what anyone is saying to him, and his concentration is not what it use to be either. He is a very active little boy, but his teacher said he is very well behaved in school and not like how he is at school. Any one got any advice feel as though I am constantly shouting at him??? And feel like shit!

[paulinec]

P.s. typing error should read "well behaved in school and not like how he is at home"

[feelingreallyupset]

i have similar thread in lone parents if you would like to read. (thread name:feeling very very upset)

[bandstand]

perhaps he picks up the cheekiness from classmates? Is he is year 2. Perhaps the extra work is upsetting him. If he is being well behaved at school, that is good, but he probably needs to let off steam with you at home.

[paulinec]

Thanks feelingreallyupset I will read your thread.
bandstand he is in year 1, i have thought he is letting off steam, but it has got to the point where even my mum has started to stay what has happened to him and where has the joy gone from him!! Feel really helpless as I dont know what direction to take really.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[sauce]

I posted something similar about my dd, also 6, not too long ago. The "attitude" comes and goes and I have the feeling it is an assertion of independence.

[paulinec]

Thanks for that Dior, what year is your dc in. I am thinking of taking some of prize possessions away then he can earn them back for the end of the day for 10 minutes if he has been nice. I simply feel awful having to do it.

[paulinec]

Hi sauce, I think it might be an age thing, but i just wish it would go away, each day i think right really positive happy upbeat, by the time i am in the car driving to school i think not long to go and i can have a break, i feel awful writing that but he is wearing me down.

[fartmeistergeneral]

that happens

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[pinkchampagne]

No advice, just sympathy! I have a 7 year old who is challanging me in just the same way atm!

[paulinec]

I am going to have a word with his teacher in the morning just to make sure he is still being good and nothing has happened since I got his report at christmas, keeping fingers crossed

[sauce]

Sometimes I really lose it with her & then realise I've gone too far. Like today over her homework. I actually said (shrieked) how can you be so stupid?! I was a bitch & although I apologised after, I'm still feeling terrible about it. She took ages to go to sleep.

[Spoo]

Steve Biddulph reackons there is a testosterone surge at 6. Just a thought.

[paulinec]

Hi sauce, dont beat yourself up over it, i think we have all done it from time to time if we are all honest, or if we havent we have certainly felt that way. Look on the bright side tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a new child

Spoo, I have read that in Steve Biddulph Raising Boys book, I am going to blow the dust of it now, and see if he can offer divine intervention before I go round the bend.

[paulinec]

Hi all, have been to school this morning and the teacher said his behaviour is first class, but, he could be working harder than he is. I knew this in reception but thought he had stopped dilly dallying. His teacher said he is very bright but dosent use his brain to his full potential. She said he is doing all the work required of him but she feels as though he should be excelling past that level. Any thoughts on how to achieve focus with a six year old, is it possible??????

[Fimbles5]

I sympathise with you as I also have same problem. I am at the end of my tether, and am at a loss what to do, so am afraid cannot offer advice, but also welcome feedback. My 6 year old ds seems to have changed overnight. The backchat and constant mouthiness (not sure if that is a word, but you know what I mean) is a total nightmare. He seems emotional, constantly frustrated, and seems to be shouting at me all the time (he probably gets the shouting from me, and I am trying so hard to change this) but in the meantime he is spending loads of time in his bedroom for his bad behaviour. I always praise the good and give lots of love and cuddles, but this doesn't seem to be working. He also is an angel at school!!!

[Fattytwoshoes]

i have ds who is nearly 7 is very hard work too. Doesn't listen at all, doesn't do as i've asked or anyone else in the family. But is good at school and teachers think he's such a well behaved polite boy. makes my blood boil because why can't he be like that at home. he makes me tired. sorry did'nt mean to gate crash thread,

[paulinec]

Hi Fimbles and Fattytwoshoes I sympathise with both. I have thought all night about this, not alot of sleep. I am trying to take a new approach. It is very early days, i.e. today but he has been alot nicer, and wait for it, i dropped a tub of bricks upstairs, he heard and coming rush up to help

So this is it, I have started to speak to him when he does something wrong very quietly, bend down to his level and put my face in direct line of his so he cant look elsewhere. Whether it is just shock that i am not shouting at him i dont know.

But since picking him up from school we have been to swimming lessons at the health club and now he is eating supper in the living room quietly.

Steve Biddulph does say in his book raising boys that boys do have a testosterone surge at six and push boundaries at which point firm love is required. Steve Biddulph is very big on this firm love, so I am going to brush the dust off the books and get swoting.

Will let you know how i am getting on and please let me know anything you might be doing that is working.

Do any of you have any tips regarding concentration and focus, his teacher did say he is a little immature for his age compared to peers of the same age, perhaps I have babyed him too much being the first child

I am now going to encourage as much independance as i can and give him jobs round the house.

[Fattytwoshoes]

could you tell what book that is i might go and get one.

[paulinec]

Steve Biddulph, Raising Boys, it is very good it discusses the various stages of boyhood and how best to deal with each one. I would have a look on ebay as you might get one at a bargain. He has also wrote other books, Raising Babies - excellent read, The Secrets of Happy Confident Children - I have only skimmed this, but again excellent, he focuses alot in the book on being a parent with firm love. This book actually includes role play with a child interpretation of what the parent is saying to them which is quite amusing, and really self explanatory when you stand back from a detached position, not always easy when in the middle of a protest from your six year old. Let me know how you get on.

[Fattytwoshoes]

will do gonna go into town and get on tommorowo..lol. ty

[shrub]

he might be copying his classmates so you could try distancing him from the behaviour by saying something like 'oh are you pretending to be james?'
i read steven biddulph and didn't find it very useful apart from the idea that sitting still is one of the hardest thing for a child to learn.
there is a book 'called 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' it is an awful title but i promise you it can change lives. its rather like learning a new language if interested search mumsnet for the title as it comes up as highly recommended. it is by faber mazlish, see their website fabermazlish
or see amazon page how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk
i have 3 boys and understand a little of what you are going through, have found getting them outside as much as possible making dens/football/collecting stuff can help though practically this can be a nightmare after school when everyone is tired and hungry!
take care

[Fattytwoshoes]

my ds is a very outsidy boy, wants his own veggie patch which i said he could just garden needs alot of work haven't been here that long really. He can be such a sweet little boy and on the other hand can be a right b**er

[paulinec]

I have two boys and a girl, my ds2 is four so will have all this again, my dd3 is 20 months. And to say there is a massive difference between boys and girls is an understatement, in my experience. I also read that boys are like dogs and need to be exercised outside at least once a day. Even in the depths of winter my two boys play in the garden, my little girls asks to go out so I wrap her up and let her out, but after 10mins she is back in the house playing with her toys while the boys are being boys in the garden.