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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Am I wrong to refuse my 5 month DS feeds during the night??

92 replies

henrybaba · 04/02/2007 20:27

In attempt to get my first full nights sleep since last August, I have decided (in consultation with DH) to try to limit the number of feeds I give my DS during the night.... but am seeking reassurance, or advice otherwise, as we don't really know what we are doing!!

I have been exclusively breast feeding DS - to the point where he absolutely refuses to bottle feed (but that's another story!) He is still waking up anytyhing between 1 and 4 times per night and my natural reacton is to feed him as I know it will send him straight back to sleep - but I have decided that I need to break the cycle.

I have just started giving him some rice in the mornings as we think he is hungry. I have decided that from tonight I will only feed him once during the night and if he wakes up more than once I will just try to get him back to sleep without the food - I just know the result is going to be a very upset baby and a very guilty mummy....

Am I doing the right thing? Does anyone else have experience of this working?? How long will it take for him to adjust?? Am I a bad mummy for starving him??? Help!!

OP posts:

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DizzyBint · 04/02/2007 20:30

what makes you think he is hungry in the morning? you give him rice because you think he's hungry, but you want to cut down the amount he gets in the night?

have you tried increasing the amount of milk he has in the day? ie more bfs.

tribpot · 04/02/2007 20:32

I dunno, but I would tend to just feed him in the night, you're asking a lot for him not to be hungry all that time. If he nods straight back off again, it's probably not that big a deal? (But I'm prejudiced because when ds (19 mo) is awake at night, we are up for at least an hour, and I'm awake for at least 2).

emkana · 04/02/2007 20:35

To be brutally honest, yes, I think you're wrong to do this.

He is too young IMO. If I was you I would just do what you've been doing so far, just let him feed and then everybody can go back to sleep. Try co-sleeping, I found I felt much more rested that way.

Sorry to be so blunt.

henrybaba · 04/02/2007 20:37

Thanks for the quick reply - we decided to start weaning as the HV suggested he may be waking up during the night because he is isnt getting enough fod during the day and is ready for solids. The reason for giving him rice in the morning is that the HV said it was best to start weaning with rice in the mornings.. I have tried increasing number of BFs during the day but he doesnt seem interested. Is already having about 5-6 feeds during the day.

OP posts:

motherinferior · 04/02/2007 20:37

Are you doing what I did - feeding him every time he stirs in the night? Because when I stopped doing this with DD1 and waiting to see if she really was waking for a feed, she suddenly got the hang of sleeping for much much longer. And she was four months old.

boozybird · 04/02/2007 20:38

are you making sure he has a full feed each time? if you know he is having about 5 full feeds a day, then you can be pretty sure he's probably not hungry when he's waking in the night. When i was BF a full feed would take about 45 mins. a good indicator of whether he's waking through hunger will be how long he feeds for when he wakes, if it's only 10 mins or so then it's not hunger that's waking him. you could try giving him a dummy to suck instead of boob if he will take it. if i was you i wouldn't give him rice in the morning as that may have the effect of making him less hungry during the day, therefore taking less milk, and consequently being hungry at night. If you really want to give him rice, I would give him a small amount for a couple of days at lunchtime to check he has no adverse reaction to it, then give it in the evening, after he has had his milk (so you can be sure he's not cutting out milk because of it)

Aloha · 04/02/2007 20:38

Why not see how it goes? If you feel confident he's had lots of milk during the day, gets a late last feed and you feed him early-ish in the morning, trying to reduce the night feeds isn't cruel. You are only really trying to get him to go 4-5 hours without a feed. He may be absolutely fine. I have to say, I know co-sleeping works for lots of people, and I've slept with my babies, but I never really sleep well if I do.

DizzyBint · 04/02/2007 20:44

boozy- every baby takes different lengths of times over a feed, just as adults do.

henry- your hv has misinformed you. if your 5 months old is hungry he needs more milk. 5 or 6 feeds a day isn't a limit. you can give as much as you want, it's not like formula where you do have to be careful not to overfeed.

nooka · 04/02/2007 20:44

Could you try keeping a diary over the next couple of weeks before you try this? If he is waking variably (ie 1-4 times) it could be that there is something else going on, and if you had a better understanding then that might help you work out why sometimes he sleeps for longer than other times. Otherwise I think that you are in for very disturbed nights, because getting up and breastfeeding is much easier than getting up and trying to soothe an unhappy baby to sleep. If he is hungry then it will be pretty fruitless too, and you will find it very upsetting. We used controlled crying with both of our children (some time ago now as they are 6 and 7!) but I think they were quite a bit older. Also giving him rice in the morning is not going to make any difference to how hungry he is at night! I think that to try this sort of approach you have to know your baby really well, and be very confident that you can tell the difference between a hungry cry and a "cuddle me" cry.

henrybaba · 04/02/2007 20:57

Given the variety of opinions on this topic so far (thanks for them all!) I can see why I was feeling so insecure about my decision - there is no right answer it seems... but your ideas have given me food for thought and I am going to rethink my approach before making any steadfast decisions... I really just want my DS to be happy and to enjoy a full nights sleep.

OP posts:

tribpot · 04/02/2007 21:00

henry - it's really only about you and ds being happy, hope we've been helpful in you making that choice!

NurseyJo · 04/02/2007 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DizzyBint · 04/02/2007 21:01

are you familiar with kellymom.com? it's a god send.

taylormama · 04/02/2007 21:02

hi - erratic waking tends to be hunger ... my DS dropped his last night feed at 21 weeks so it isn't unusual that he is waking -it is fine to feel desperate for sleep!!! I wouldn't give rice - just increase the amount of milk in the day (which is easier said than done) - milk is more calorific and filling than a bit of baby rice. Hope everything else is well!!

moondog · 04/02/2007 21:04

Baby rice wil do no bloody good anyway.
Breastmilk is dense in calories.
Baby rice isn't.
I think MI's advice is good.
Breastfed babies need to feed little and often as the milki s easily digestible (unlike formula) and their stomachs are only tiny anyway.

i was happy to feed mine at least once during the night until they were 1.

lulumama · 04/02/2007 21:05

kellymom site, as recommended by dizzybint!

if he is still unsettled at night, the rice is not helping ! i would feed him as much as he wants, with milk......honestly, milk, milk and more milk, if he is hungry in the night, then nothing you do, except feeding him , will settle him..and if you know he will be upset and you will feel guilty, what is the point?

MerryMarigold · 04/02/2007 21:05

I had a similar experience I have to say, exactly the same age he started waking MORE. And the whole wouldn't take a bottle thing was the same too (he finally did at 10 months!).

I have to say I did just 'give in' and feed when he wanted and he sorted himself out, went down to once a night I think at about 7 mths. He started sleeping through at around 9-10 mths with NO waking up. Personally I would find it hard not to give him the milk, especially as he prob has a fairly big 'milk appetite' right now with solids not properly established. Don't think you are spoiling him or making a rod for your own back, he will be fine.

DizzyBint · 04/02/2007 21:05

kellymom about sleeping through the night please have a read of this

Twinklemegan · 04/02/2007 21:06

This mightn't be that relevant as my DS is on formula now. Anyhoo... when DS was five months he went through a massive growth spurt and started waking again for a late evening feed and again in the night, which he hadn't done for weeks. He's settled down again now and sleeps through 7 til 7 once again. My point being that 5 months might not be the best age to try cutting down on night feeding, but I do sympathise with you. [My mum was insistent that DS was learning that he'd get attention (as if he was deliberately waking himself fgs!) so I was pleased to be able to inform her that now he's not hungry he doesn't wake up any more.]

henrybaba · 04/02/2007 21:15

Im not expecting him to sleep all night - all I want is to reduce the number of times he is waking up. The nights when he just wakes up once feel like heaven and I am sure he is better rested for it too! Sorry if this sounds selfish...

The reason for wanting to get him onto solids is that I am going back to work in about 6 weeks and with him not bottle feeding I don't want him to be dependent on purely milk... still not sure how we are going to handle the milk feeding when he is at nursery 3 days/wk...Have just started trying to introduce a Tommee Tippee cup and he is managing surprisingly well to drink from that.

Gosh - when I write it down it just seems to get more complicated... Think I will just take it a day at a time and see.. x

OP posts:

Astrophe · 04/02/2007 21:16

Weeeell...my ds is 11 months and still wakes, and I still feed him. We always try to settle him for a few minutes first, and sometimes he goes straight back to sleep with a pat on the bum. When he doesn't, I bf him. He is a good eater and so I dont think hes really 'hungry', but he still needs to be fed at night sometimes. Its a PITA, but path of least resistance.

Try not to think of it as "Will I feed or not feed?" - it doesn't have to be one or the other. Try settling for, say, 10 mins, and then if hes still unsettled or is getting worked up, feed him. 5 months is still very little, I know many, many babies who still bf at night at 5 months.

taylormama · 04/02/2007 21:18

henrybaba - you aren't selfish for wanting some sleep for all of you!

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Twinklemegan · 04/02/2007 21:21

Henrybaba - DS is just over 6 months now and well established on solids. It's really made a difference - I'm really hoping that it'll work the same for you.

leahsmum · 04/02/2007 21:23

I know as I am typing this that there will be a lynch mob after me straight afterwards! here we go anyway..............I stopped feedin my dd through the night when she was 4 days old - she slept all night every night since she was 6 days old. No harm done! She is now a perfectly healthy almost 3 year old.
Not read the entire thread - just the OP.

Twinklemegan · 04/02/2007 21:28

How the hell did you manage that leahsmum?!

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