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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Pasta jar, star charts, naughty step... NOTHING has ANY effect on dd2 and I DESPAIR

112 replies

emkana · 30/01/2007 19:47

She really winds me up so much and I just don't know what to do anymore! No matter what I try it just has no effect on her. She just will not do as she's told. I started the pasta jar yesterday and was very hopeful but then today when I said "I'll have to take a pasta away from you for that" she just said excitedly "Oh please can I take it out Mum?"

She has odd moments when she'll cry and say "I'll be a good girl now" but two minutes later she's up to something again...

what can I DO, I just hate it that we're permanently at loggerheads!

She's 3.6 btw.

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SoupDragon · 30/01/2007 19:54

I'd carry on with the pasta jar until you get to the exchange-for-reward bit and she realises what she's actually lost. DS2 used to be distraught when he realised he only got 2 10p coins pocket money compared to DS1 who'd managed to get 7... I patiently expained again how he'd lost them.

nutcracker · 30/01/2007 19:58

Ah ha, just the thread I need.

I am having similar problems with Ds and was going to try the pasta jar but wondered if he was too young, he is 4 ??

Not sure he would understand.

Do you think your dd understood it Emkana ??

FluffyMummy123 · 30/01/2007 20:00

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FluffyMummy123 · 30/01/2007 20:01

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emkana · 30/01/2007 20:03

I'm not sure tbh. I'm hoping that it will dawn on her once she manages to actually get five pasta shapes and get a reward for it.

Also it will have to become clearer to her I think that there will be no more treats whatsoever unless she gets the pasta. So I'm hoping VERY MUCH that with time it will have an effect...
because I am tearing my hair out here.

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emkana · 30/01/2007 20:03

"you need to re establish simple rules and routines"

we have those all right

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FluffyMummy123 · 30/01/2007 20:06

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emkana · 30/01/2007 20:09

God you have no idea how scary I am

With dd1 it has immediate effect - one cross look from me and her lips quiver.

Dd2 though - shrieking harpy springs to mind and she's still totally unimpressed.

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SoupDragon · 30/01/2007 20:09

"you need to re establish simple rules and routines"

pmsl. No way would that have worked with DS2!!

emkana · 30/01/2007 20:09

If I send her to her room she starts to play happily there.

So not much of a punishment.

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FluffyMummy123 · 30/01/2007 20:10

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nutcracker · 30/01/2007 20:12

Ds laughs at me when I tell him off, thats how effective I am.

FluffyMummy123 · 30/01/2007 20:12

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FluffyMummy123 · 30/01/2007 20:13

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SoupDragon · 30/01/2007 20:13

Oh, I'm scarey, believe me. Different chidren need different methods IME. DS1 would take himself off to the bottom stair when told and stay there, DS2 would not go and would not stay there however many times you put him back etc etc. The idea of reward got him under control though.

emkana · 30/01/2007 20:14

And what do you do when you're out? Ey? Ey? No room to send her to then...

I feel it's also the classic "get attention, even if it's bad attention" thing, as she is the middle child.

But I do make time every day when I play with her/read to her etc. but I think she'd like to be the centre of attention 24/7.

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nutcracker · 30/01/2007 20:14

But I do mean it, I told him tonight that if he called me an idiot once more then he would go to bed right away and not have his hot choc. He called me an idiot and so he went to bed without hot choc but, he didn't care less.

Sorry emkana, am hijacking your thread.

Socci · 30/01/2007 20:15

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SoupDragon · 30/01/2007 20:16

Swap the pasta for chocolate buttons so she can see immediately that she's losing something worthwhile. When you take the chocolate button out, you get to eat it.

Of course, you'll end up the size of a house but it's a smallprice to pay...

emkana · 30/01/2007 20:16

It's often silly little things, but they add up.

Saying things like "stinky head" "poo head" constantly

Pulling the bookmark out of the book dh is reading with dd1

Playing with things which aren't toys and she knows she's not supposed to play with

stuff like that

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emkana · 30/01/2007 20:18

SD that's a great idea

Why didn't I think of that?

Will try that tomorrow!

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emkana · 30/01/2007 20:18

I'm the size of a house already, so...

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FluffyMummy123 · 30/01/2007 20:18

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Socci · 30/01/2007 20:19

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FluffyMummy123 · 30/01/2007 20:20

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