Ended up sitting on kitchen floor crying..

[bobobobs]

my ds, 4 yrs, is really testing my patience. nothing i say or do is good enough, his whinging wld test the patience of a saint and he bursts into sobbing at the drop of a hat, esp in public.
today has been a really bad day, and just needed to vent on here.have a dd, 3 yrs, and she is watching and learning from his behavior so need to stop this getting out of hand.
don't know what i expect from you lovely mnetters, maybe just tea and sympathy?!

[MarsLady]

[puddle]

Enough sleep?
Enough food? My dd 4 is eating for England at the moment
Thirsty?
Fresh air every day? They need to be walked like dogs

[bobobobs]

never mind the slices, need whole cakes!

[bobobobs]

is plenty rested, fed, amused, at playschool every am, maybe he is just a grunpy little so and so, maybe taking after mummy bobobobs..

[MarsLady]

[bobobobs]

thankyou, am full now..

have had pnd, undiagnosed since birth of ds,got help and anti-d's last yr and on the whole am fine, he is just being horrid at the mo. he is a gorgeous boy and capable of such wonderful things, is perfect at school, he saves it all for me, it seems.

[JunkInMyTrunk]

my dd1 gets tired and grumpy after going to nursery in a morning so generally we stay in afternoons and have das out at the weekend and that way sshess not too tired.
As for whining in public, i must admit I just ignore her and try to distract her with something else.....its hardwork I know!

[bobobobs]

thanks junk, i think i do need to ignore more, but oh the shame of the little grannies giving evils at the shrieking child and mean mother.

i have to get out of the house in afternoons, even just to park as we all tend to get a bit stir crazy otherwise

[bobobobs]

"to the park" i mean, not just going and parking in a car, now that would be plain strange..

[JunkInMyTrunk]

Yeah I know plenty of evil grannies round here too but after a couple of weeks dd1 just realised that whining didn't change my mind....

distraction is a wonderful thing tho and works a treat. Have you tried a little bit of bribery, tell him hes good while your out he can have treat when he gets home or on way home whatever. and if he starts whining just remind him that if hes good he'll have his treat.

[bobobobs]

i think i am all bribed out, my kids get too many treaty things, be it sweets or outings or whatever. think thats half the problem..
it's my own doing, i bribe or threaten or whatever and am not consistent, for example, after picking myself up off kitchen floor earlier, went and made ds the hot chocolate he had been screaming about.
oh bugger, i really am a pushover aren't i??

[3littlefrogs]

It is a phase - honestly I remember it so well. It will pass - it is the strain of being good all day at school together with tiredness. Lots of praise for good behaviour (when it happens) and move bed time forward by 10 minutes every night until you are getting him to bed an hour earlier. worked wonders for me. (My eldest is nearly 18 now).

[princessmel]

Bobobobs, You sound like me.
Just wanted to say you're not alone. I've had some really bad days recently with my ds (nearly 4)and his huge tantrump/strops. They start from (what seems like)nothing and become major really quickly and last for ages. I was reduced to tears on monday and just sat down on the way to school and waited for him to calm down whilst everyone walked past me looking. I cried 3 times the week before too.
I also have a dd 15 months,and I'm worried she'll copy him. Its hard isn't it? You just want your kids to be happy. Its the whining that gets me aswell. I think 'do you like crying and moaning all the time?'.
I am consistent though and always stick to my guns. My son is at Nursery each morning too and is in bed early. I try not to give him crap to eat etc and do charts, marbles, positive praise etc.
If you find a cure then let me know aswell!!!!

[bobobobs]

thank you so much everyone. you are all very kind to reply. will definitely try an earlier bedtime, my dc's used to go at 6.30-7pm but it is now more like 8.30pm as dh likes to put them to bed and has been getting home later lately. hmmm, actually that is really late for little ones isn't it?? hadn't actually thought about it like that. better think about getting them in the bath soonish!!

i'm sure it is a phase, he has had others, hitting etc, its just that this one has lasted since b4 the summer hols and has worn me down.

must be more consistent, less of a pushover and give them less treats, so that when they get a reward, they appreciate it. (see, i know it all in theory, its just applying it!!

[bobobobs]

californifrau, have found your other post and it all rings very familiar, esp testosterone surges. my dd and nieces don't act the same at all, (even though they can be little middens in their own ways..)

it's good to know that it's not all cos i'm a dreadful mother. i think i make it harder on myself because i am a sahm and think, well this childcare business is my JOB and it is how i define myself by and if i am crap as a mother then i am a crap person, iykwim.

[JennyJJ]

I AIM to get mine in bed by 6:30 at the latest - I have three sons (4, 3, 1). Like you I have dreadful, dreadful days and get very cross and sad that I get wonderful reports about how good my 4 year old is at school and yet he behaves dreadully at home sometimes. Yes, I fear it is ALL FOR MEEEEE! My only advice is loads and loads of sleep for them. Bad days for me happen after a later night. I try to ensure that they all 3 get 12-13 hours sleep a night, every night. Pass me some of that cake please - I'll have it with my wine.

[3littlefrogs]

8.30 is way too late for a 3 and 4 yr old. I used to do tea at 5, bath at 5.45 and in bed by 6.30. I know it is nice for DH to be there for bed time, but it just isn't worth it because you are the one who pays for it. I got so frustrated by my dh arriving home just as I got them into bed (and therefore getting them all excited etc) that in the end I had to ask him to come home later once they were asleep. Let your dh take over at the weekend and ultimately everyone will be much happier. good luck. It is only for another couple of years and it soon passes. My 8 yearold goes to bed at 8.30, and usually gets to have a bit of time with her dad before she goes to sleep. Of course DH and I now get really fed up waiting for the DSs to come home at a reasonable time so that we oldies can go to bed!

[belleofball]

My 11 yr old is in bed by 8! He really needs the sleep and if he does moan(which is rare) i just let him read a bit longer,but he usually ends up putting the book down and going straight to sleep anyway.
They all(11, 8, & 5) need the sleep and because they are so used to it they don't complain.
It is hard when they want dad, but i find it easier to get them to bed when he's not here.They spend more time with him in the morning while i'm getting them & me ready for school.
If it's any help my 5yr 0ld went through this stage last year. I thought he was turning into a devil child!! but he got over it(so did i). Now he's my georgeous little boy again!

I know you've heard it all before (groan)but try to ignore the bad, praise the good, give lots of cuddles. i think sometimes if they feel a bit insecure they hurt the one closest.

[sunnysideup]

another vote here for a 6 or 6.30 bedtime.

I bet it would help.

[bobobobs]

thank you so much again for all your wise words. if i hadn't posted on here, i never wld have really registered just how much their bedtime had slipped.
last night they were in bed by 8pm and tonight by 7.15pm and to my delight, they went up with no fuss. the poor wee souls must have been needing it. dh will get his time at the w.end, you are right, and as for me, i have rediscovered my evenings!!
so better sleeping, re-addressing their eating habits (ie more home cooking, less giving in to the rubbish they think they prefer!) and i might try fish oils too.
all in all, i feel a lot better now i am being more proactive. thankyou mnetters x
ps whenever you want cake, sunnysideup, just shout!

[sunnysideup]

SHOUT!!!!

[bobobobs]

hee hee, right back at ya!
have just been reading that "i've eaten my hamster" thread! i think mn shld be prescribed to mums like me, along with ad's, i've been sitting here cackling reading it!

[MrsBojangles]

bobobobs I so know how you feel. I've just come on here to start a thread with 'why do mornings have to be such a struggle' and saw your thread.

DD, nearly 5 and in reception, is a right so'n'so atm. Could be your ds's twin! Especially mornings she sooooo tests my patience that on a regular basis I turn into screaming deranged mother. Not very productive... also guilty of bribing too much. Have discussed with dh that that ain't gonna happen anymore poor dd is in for a shock me think. I should be doing the ignoring a bit more too, however like you I've also got a younger one and he's learning FAST! the wobblies he's throwing now... argh.

And of course it's all worst in the morning when I try to get them dressed, fed (accompanied by I don't know what I want but I don't like THAT)and ready to get them to school/nursery.

I'm fed up with throwing food away or fighting with her. I used to make a big fuss so far to make sure she eats. She's so small and petite for her age and I want her to put weight on, so she probably knows and uses it to wind me up (am I giving a 4 year old too much credit here to wind me up on purpose?) but this very morning I've had it up to 'here' so this very moment dd is going to school hungry! (with extras in her lunchbox and with me telling teacher to feed her if she gets too grumpy)

Sorry to rant on your thread bobobobs but at least now you know that your lo isn't the only one playing up and testing testing testing...