Oh dear - I think my 7 year old DS is a geek......

[NormaSnorks]

He is gorgeous, and I adore him of course, but I'm just worried that his personality is manisfesting itself as 'geeky' way too early, and I worry that it will affect him at school, in friendships, and perhaps his happiness, since children can be so cruel...

All sorts of things make me think this:

• he is VERY tall/ lanky and unco-ordinated. He seems to have a natural tendency to sit like a frog with his knees up around his ears - even on chairs....
• he just seems to have a massive brain and capability to remember things (can remember a poem word perfect after hearing it once )
• is fascinated by facts and the ways things work. He will happily read for up to an hour in bed before he gets up at 6.30 - especially those encyclopedia type DK books etc
• he is top of his class in every subject
• Although he has been doing sports (football/ rugby) he is not very good, and seems so distant and uninvolved on the pitch - like he doesn't really see the point. At rugby last week I watched him standing, engrossed in the velcro part of his 'tag belt' examining the 'mechanics' of it, while the ball and the game passed him by!
• He wears glasses
• He doesn't seem to have any close friends despite being in the same class for 3 years. His teachers say he gets on well with everyone but no one in particular. He seems to be more friendly with girls than boys.

The boys in his class are now all getting into the sporty macho stuff, and to be honest I feel rather sad for him. I don't want to force him to be something he's not (impossible to do anyway) but I kind of want him to be more 'self aware' as to how he might appear to others, and why they might react to it?

How can I help him?

[hunkermunker]

There is something of the geek about all boys IMO.

[NormaSnorks]

Oh, and I forgot, since he was about 4 he has been able to sit down with one of those boxes of lego for 7-13 year olds and construct the damn things, following the instructions....

[NormaSnorks]

Really Hunker? Do you think it's just that as 'girls' we mothers don't really understand it? I didn't have a brother, and sometimes I feel so wholeheartedly unqualified and incompetent to raise boys (i have 2). DH isn't a blokey-bloke either....

[BlackMagicMiaou]

The geek shall inherit the earth

[southeastastra]

mine is 5 and can name all the dr whos from the beginning

[harpsichordcarrion]

he sounds great honestly. the sporty macho stuff is overrated imo...
I probably wouldn't do anything and just support and love him how he is. if he gets unhappy and self concious, then you can approach it.
by the way, have you encouraged him to learn an instrument? having a good memory is an excellent skill and (IME) geeky types are welcomed with open arms by musical types and being able to play an instrument gives a good dose of self confidence and kudos and will put him in the company of lots of other lovely geeks

[NormaSnorks]

Sally - mostly has been happy up to now.. but I sense that something has/ is beginning to change for him - that he's becoming more aware of the personality types in his class i.e. the sporty one/ the funny one/ the quiet one. I think it's really hard because at this age being good at football is what seems to make kids the 'leader of the pack', rather than academic achievement etc (at least in the state sector).

[hunkermunker]

Yes, I really do.

Is he happy? Does he seem comfortable in his own skin? Some of the geekiest boys I knew were totally "at one" with themselves in a way that the more seemingly confident and "effortless" ones really weren't, deep down. There's a down side to being too self aware, IMO (and IME ).

[harpsichordcarrion]

lol at the geek will inherit the earth
how very very true that is...

[hunkermunker]

I actually find geekiness pretty endearing.

[harpsichordcarrion]

oh good lord yes.
I have only ever been out with geeks.
geeks are marvellous.
I must say that the ability to play football well is not one that is a reliable indicator of future success and happiness.

[WelshBoris]

I agree, if hes happy then leave him be, he sounds great TBH

Boys in my year in school

Geeks- own houses/appartments/cars successful in good jobs

Boys who played football- Still playing football on a Saturday morning, erm not much else to be honest

Yes, that is a general view. But personally I say leave him be, he'll find his own path

[wakeupandsmellthecoffee]

have you tried golf with him he may enjoy this . He sounds like a nice kid to me I am quite envious of youe little one . I have a 7yr old DS so i know how you feel ,you should be proud of his academic achievments but may be scouts might be an idea as well this way its not too sporty but he can make friends as well .

[improvingslowly]

You won't/can't change him. He sounds gorgegous. It took me a while to get used to the slightly obsessive ways of clever boys (dinosuars, planets, bizarre historical facts) but now I just love it. I see lots of my dh in ds and i think it is great.

dh and ds do not pretend to like things they do not, and are happy not to join in if they do not want to. they are far more grown up than me who just worries all the time...

[NormaSnorks]

Yes, actually he IS pretty happy in his own skin really. Someone else described him as one of the happiest little boys they know. I guess I'm now just aware of things (including other kids) 'rocking ' his little world that he is happy in. It's all just part of growing up, I know, but like all mothers I just want to protect him

[JoolsToo]

well he may turn out to be but on the other hand he may metamorphose. Ds2 was such a sensitive soul as a young boy, very shy, cry at the drop of a hat and then when he went to secondary school - bam! he became mister gregarious, mister popular - just blossomed basically.

You'd have to know him to understand the change in him.

Either way he is my adored ds2 and as long as he is happy then so am I.

[BlackMagicMiaou]

I had an ubergeek boyfriend once. He was fab. We went our separate ways in the end but he was my best friend at school for years then we were boyfriend and girlfriend for a further two years. Best relationship (before meeting dh) I had . He could tell you anything you ever wanted to know (and plenty you didn't) about Doctor Who and the Beatles, was a fantastic artist, tall and lanky, wore glasses, rubbish at sports ... but a great sense of humour.

Dh maintains he was a geek at school but I think he is too cool to be geeklike

[harpsichordcarrion]

yes, it true that clever boys - well, all boys really - do that thing where they learn everything about a subject.
one of my nephews knows all of the flags in the world and all dog breeds.
I sat at lunch next to a delightful boy the otherday who told me the entire plot of all of the Star Wars films.
[still reeling emoticon]

[NormaSnorks]

Aw shucks - this is making me feel so much better already - to think that there are in fact LOTS of adorable little boys like my son out there!

Improving - you're SO right - it IS shallow to want to be part of the 'in' crowd whatever. I can remember taking up smoking at about 15 (for a week [hmmm] ) just because that was what ALL the drama crowd I wanted to be 'in' with did....

[NormaSnorks]

Whoops - one too many 'm's... should've been a

[foulmoonfiend]

send him round mine, my geeky 9-yr-old will adore him

[SoMuchToBats]

Weeellll.. he sounds a bit like my 5 year old ds..Ok, not tall, and doesn't e=wear glasses, but he is well into Lego, and anything else of a construction type. He hates football, fighting, power rangers, etc. and definitely isn't into the "boy gang" at school.

However, he knows loads about fire hydrants, steam trains, and other slightly "geeky" things.
I'm not too worried, I guess they are just not all the same. He does have one or two friends, but also gets on very well with adults btw.