right now i feel like exploding at my ds.what the hell is wrong with him?

[mumandlovingit]

my ds who is 5 is now in year 1 but is one of the younger ones in the year.

ever since he went back in september he has been a little sh*t to put it politely.he wont behave at home half the time, ignores what i ask him.if i tell him not to do something he does it anyway.

his teacher has told me his behaviour has gone downhill and has indirectly suggested he's got adhd or something like that.

he's always had alot of energy but lately he's driving me insane.its like ive got two children.

he will sit still and listen to things that interest him, watch films, play with toys and build things and role play etc.he will colour, draw,write and read.his teacher says he's got no attention and wont take turns but i know he does, he just gets bored easily.she even said that he had the same problem in reception but no-one ever said anything to me!

i watch what he eats, he doesnt have artificial colourings etc or fizzy drink.ive even started him on omega 3 supplements but ive now found out that they've got E219 in sodium methyl hydroxybenzoate in them and that can send some hyper! doesnt say that on the box does it! i thought the idea of them was to help them calm down etc!

he's good as gold and so loving and affectionate and caring one minute and just cant do as he's told for one second the next.

i just dont know what on earth to try next.ive talked to him to try to find out why he is naughty but he doesnt know.he knows that he should be good and understands that being naughty isnt good and that he's rewarded aot more for being good.

he's just changed so much lately & i dont know how to change him back.

[mumandlovingit]

ive just read my post and ive made him sound like a loony.he isnt. he just needs to be interested in something all the time and have something to do and have someone listen to him.

he told me the teacher doesnt listen when he talks to her.i know that she's got 23 other children but if he sees the way to get attention there is to be naughty then he'll do it.

some children in his class go to learning support class in the mornings as they cant behave.i dont think its been explained to the children very well as my son thinks the naughty boys go there to have fun and play games!

i dont particularly like his teacher and ive always felt that she doesnt particularly like him.he's got glue ear and has had problems for 3 years now and had grommets in july but he's still got glue ear and i know part of his behaviour is because of that but she just tells me its no excuse.

i just dont want him labelled as a troublemaker etc when i know that isnt the real him

[gurrier]

It sounds like he might be a little freaked out by whole school experience at the moment.

[mumandlovingit]

i really dont know.im going to tell his teacher that he's told me that the naughty boys get to go into the other class and play games and have fun.

[gurrier]

Talking to the teacher sounds a good idea

[gurrier]

Im sure she doesnt dislike your ds but his behavior.Hope you find a solution,and remember he's still very,very young.

[JennyLeEVIL]

can he hear ? when my son started like that at school it turned out he could not hear very well at all and i did not realise either untill the doctor held a ticking watch to his ears and he could not hear it so he was refferred had his grommets put in and all was welll....until we moved house but thats another thread...lol

[JennyLeEVIL]

i used to shout Ds! stop doing that ' or 'come here' and he would ignore me and I thought he was being a little ! I felt so guilty when we found out he could not really hear well

[3littlefrogs]

He sounds like a bright little boy who possibly can't hear very well, therefore misses out on some of what is going on in the classroom. Perhaps he gets frustrated and feels left out. He has worked out that he gets attention when he is naughty. Possibly he is bored - for all the above reasons. The british state school system fails boys from the word go. It is geared for girls and is, in the main, run by women. I had two little boys and i understand where you are and how you feel. I got my son into a gymnastics class as soon as he was old enough, then martial arts - it made all the difference. He is 15 now and plays rugby and tennis, and still does kick boxing and ju jitsu. If he isn't busy and expending energy he gets bored and even at his age can get up to mischief. I really recommend Steve Biddulph's "Raising Boys" Lots of helpful, practical advice and insights. Also agree with talking to teacher. I wonder how she feels about boys generally? My elder son's teacher made no secret of the fact that she didn't like boys, and had no time for them. Oddly enough all the boys in her class went a bit stir crazy!

[sorrell]

Sorry it's being so tough. Which Omega 3s are they? You could change to another brand with no additives.

[bloodysideup]

what a brilliant post 3littlefrogs - I think you've hit on some really important issues there.

It may not be the root of all the problems but if the teacher gives out vibes ofnot liking your ds I do believe this could be affecting him. It's miserable to sense that you are not appreciated and valued for who you are. And I do feel there are some teachers who favour boys over girls or vice versa....at pre-school there was one teacher who was the least warm and nurturing toward ds, I used to notice her lack of empathy toward him..particularly when he was exhibiting real rambunctious boy behaviour, not naughty in any way but loud and 'roary' in his play; then one day I noticed her dropping her DD off to school and her DD was the neatest, most pristine child I have ever seen, perfectly presented and walking alongside mummy like a little mini-me.....if this is what she had at home no wonder the boys were a little too much for this teacher

But I think what I mean is do check that the teacher isn't expecting unrealistic standards from your ds, and that the boys are being given enough opportunity each day to be physical in some way - 3littlefrogs has a really good point about school failing boys.

And he's still so very very young, and still adjusting to being in year 1 rather than reception, it's quite a big change according to many people....cut him loads of slack if you can...take some deep breaths

[mumandlovingit]

there are quite a few boys in the class that have problems and are in the learning support class in the mornings.they come back to the normal class at lunch with stickers & certificates etc saying they've been playing games!

he had grommets in July and now has better hearing in his right ear than his left and glue ear still in his left.teacher said thats no excuse as she makes sure all the children can hear, by shouting according to my son.

he's joined the st john's ambulance badgers, like red cross and he goes there every week now.i take him to the park or in the garden after school everyday so that he exercises and lets off steam.

im taking him off the omega 3 and seeing if there are other ones without the e numbers and preservatives! i dont want to risk it.

im watching what he eats and drinks and found a brilliant shopping list thing on netmums.com with the e numers listed beside the shopping list to check down when you're shopping.

im going to take him to school monday, explain tat he's had a water infection and been on antibiotics, tell them hs glue ear is playing up again and when it hurts he doesnt know what to do with himself and exlain to them that we had a death in the family this week and that he said the naughty boys get to go play games etc and then leave it to them.

if they dont say anything about his behviour after school i wont ask.i think sometimes asking doesnt make you feel any better!

he cant be that bad, he got a certificate at the beginning of october for good beehaviour and work all week and they actually used him as an example in the learning support class recently of how to share and take turns.nowshe's teling me he cant behave and take turns!

im hoping its just a settling in phase and he'll be ok soon.im making sure he gets lots of attention and love at home and time doing things so that if he has got a problem he can talk to us about it.

[3littlefrogs]

Well - I feel cross and sorry for your litle boy. Poor little soul - he has got a lot on his plate!
-He has had an infection (very sore) and needed antibiotics - bet that didn't improve his mood.
-You've had a death in the family - not the easiest thing for any of you to cope with.
-The naughty boys in the class get to go off and play games, then come back with stickers and rewards. Well I wonder what sort of message that sends the other children?
The teacher thinks that shouting is an effective and appropriate way to help children with hearing difficulties?!?

I am sure your son is just a normal little boy who isn't having a very easy time at the moment. You are doing all the right things by encouraging interesting activities outside school, and I am sorry that the teacher isn't more sensible/supportive.

[MummyPig]

hi sorry to hear of your situation. With glue ear, an infection, an unsympathetic teacher and a recent death in the family it does sound like he has a lot going on.

We don't have any of the above but in a certain way it does sound a bit like my ds1 who is in reception and, while loving school and being really keen to get there every morning, has started to either ignore my requests or be outright defiant. We have had quite a few showdowns this half-term. I am wondering whether something is going on behind the scenes. He's colour blind and I'm not sure that the teacher is acknowledging how it could affect his schooling. It's also been clear since nursery that the girls seem to thrive and the boys are treated as problems if they are at all boisterous - although not necessarily by his current teacher, who has a son herself.

but enough of my own whinging, I'm also thinking that your ds reminds me of my sister when she was in Year 1 - she started playing up and it appeared to be partly down to the hearing and partly because the school wasn't stretching her enough. She had a great teacher in Year 2 and it was all straightened out.

also think 3littlefrogs's post is great. What age was your ds when you sent him to martial arts classes, 3lf? I tried sending ds1 to yoga as I thought he might learn how to calm himself down, but it really didn't work. He did gym classes for a while until the teacher changed . The new one was very bad at keeping control, so the boys ran riot and we stopped ds going. He still does football and loves it but it would be great if he could get into karate or ju-jitsu or something similar.

[mumandlovingit]

im doing a smiley face chart at home wth both the children now for different things like getting dressed themselves etc and have incorporated the being good into the chart.

i know it sounds to the teacher like im making excuses for him but he has had a hard time with his ears.he had glue ear from when he was 2 onwards, he has got alot of energy but he's a sensitive child 99% of the time and he worries about everything.

he worries that people wont want to be his friend and tries to be like the other kids and that doesnt help the situation i dont think.

im not going to ask about his behaviour at school anymore.if there's a problem then they'll come and talk to me i presume.

he just needs his mind stimualating all the time and i dont think the teacher is doing that.

[mumandlovingit]

im doing a smiley face chart at home wth both the children now for different things like getting dressed themselves etc and have incorporated the being good into the chart.

i know it sounds to the teacher like im making excuses for him but he has had a hard time with his ears.he had glue ear from when he was 2 onwards, he has got alot of energy but he's a sensitive child 99% of the time and he worries about everything.

he worries that people wont want to be his friend and tries to be like the other kids and that doesnt help the situation i dont think.

im not going to ask about his behaviour at school anymore.if there's a problem then they'll come and talk to me i presume.

he just needs his mind stimualating all the time and i dont think the teacher is doing that.

[mumandlovingit]

sorry about posting twice.

[3littlefrogs]

Hi mummypig - just come back after watching news and clearing up kitchen, laundry etc. I got ds2 into gymnastic class when he was 5. it was a very good one, so I was lucky. He started ju jitsu when he was about 6, and still goes to the same class now. He was always a very physical, lively litle boy. I knew there was no malice in him, but he could be really "naughty" if he was bored. Still can be - he is extremely keen on chemistry and recently burnt a hole in the kitchen floor. But he is a lovely kind lad, and really doesn't mean to annoy(!)

[mamamaaargh]

Sorry you & ds are having such a hard time at the moment. I don't have much to add really as I think everyone else has said what I would say. I understand the reasons for the learning support sessions you described but, as a teacher, it used to be very frustrating that kids were taken out to go & play games - that is exactly what they did. And when they returned, the rest of the class, like your ds, we understandably annoyed (and they were Year 5).

If he has a hard time concentrating, something that has been well researched is making sure they have lots of protein for breakfast (I realise most of us don't have time to make bacon & eggs but you can get protein powders to add to milk to boost their intake or even just drinking milk in the morning might help). Apparently it can make the world of difference. Along with plenty of exercise & being interested in what he is doing.

He is very little and has had a lot of adjusting to do recently. I hope things soon settle down for you all.

[threebob]

Flax oil has omega 3 without the preservatives and additives. It's probably not as good, but at least it can't make things worse.

Don't boys have a surge of something at 5?

[BudaBeast]

Your poor DS (and poor you!).

A friend has 2 boys and she went through a year of one in Yr 1 and one in Nursery (with my DS) and every dady she would nabbed by either teacher to complain about her boys. The one in Yr 1 had grommets fitted and overnight was a different child - he stuggles academically but from then on his teacher was fab and he is now doing realy well. The boy in Nursery moved into Reception where his teacher was fantastic and he loved her and would do anythign for her. Turns out he is really into arts and craft and will sit and do this for hours now.

RE; the omega 3s - I avoided the Haliborange ones because of the sapartame . I get teh Eskimo Oils for kids in Holland & Barrett. It is an oil and I have to admit DS is not keen but he takes it (I also give him Vivioptal multi-vit syrup which he loves so he gets that straight after to take taste away).

Someone on here recommended a book called "1,2,3, Magic" to me when DS was being a nightmare. (Actually it was my reaction that was the prob really). I found it really good at helping me deal with things.

I would ask to see the teacher and tell her what you have put into place at home - i.e. if you decided on a new dicsiplin strategy at home/your behavoiur chart/dietary changes etc. And I would sort of put it as "how can WE help DS?" - put the ball in her court. I think you will get further if she feels you are doing all you can in a pro-active way rather than waiting till she tells you of bad behaviour.

(What do they play at playtime? - Ds' is 5 also and his teacher has banned them from playing Power Rangers/Star Wars type games as they come in hyper - she says they are much better when they play football)

[saralou100]

i really think you need to tell this teacher that shouting at someone with hearing difficulties does not mean they can hear you... perhaps she needs a little further education in this area, this really makes me angry!

[mymama]

mumandlovingit I feel [sad} for you and your ds and the current school situation. I know exactly how you feel as my ds is in the same situation. My ds is in prepatory and we are coming to the end of school year here and it has been a v hard year with regards to teacher/behaviour. Teacher is always making comments re ds behaviour and inability to share/play responsibly. He is fine at home.

At first I took it on board and disciplined him at home. Soon became disheartened like you are now because he was fine at home and I got sick of hearing only negative things from the teacher. Then found a great positive parenting website that said school should look after school problems (unless serious of course) and home/home problems. So I left it at that. I figured that he only behaved that way at school so they needed to change their approach. I discussed this with the teacher and the head of school.

My ds also had glue ear previously and had grommets. I knew he could hear fine but couldn't "process" info and had problems with attention span etc. Had an assessment by Speech and Language therapist who assessed him to have auditory processing probs. Teacher doesn't believe a word of it and says he doesn't listen. I find this unacceptable but only have 7 weeks school left so I am ignoring her and attending weekly sessions.

Am rambling here but my point is that your ds has had a lot going on and his teacher is supposed to be able to handle that. I would make an appt to see her and explain everything to her again and make a note of your meeting for future reference.

Hope things improve for your ds and you.

[KTeepee]

Just wanted to say not to forget that Yr1 is often harder for children to get used to than Reception - much less playing and more structured work. Lots of children find it hard - I often see more children crying going into school in Yr 1 than in the Reception class. An experienced teacher would know all this...

Make sure your ds is getting lots of sleep - our Yr1 teacher always stresses this to parents - I would even try bringing his bedtime forward a bit and see if it helps. I would also avoid too many after school activities (but playing in the garden or park is fine) and playdates for a while.

[mumandlovingit]

protein is a good idea but he wont eat eggs and we've been advised to limit dairy for him as it increases the mucus with the glue ear problems.

she's the type of teacher where if you bring the subject up she'll highlight all his bad points etc.i think i'll just accept its a new term now and let them know of the situation over the last week of antibiotics etc ad leave it to them then.ive already told them im doing a chart at home now and watching his food etc.

i think you're right that i shold worry about the behaviour etc at home and leave the school to sort out what he's doing there.

i dont want to go on at the teacher too much unless she approaches me as ds is wh has got to be there with her everyday and i dont want to give her anymore reason to be off with him.

i'll see how this term goes.if she approaches e at the end of scool days and wants to discuss him then i will but im not going to stand her making out that he's a little sh*t all the time because i know he isn't.he has off days and problems like any other child but the majority of the time he's just a bit hyper

[lucyminky]

Hi there, have just been searching on the net as i am having virtually EXACTLY same issue at the mo as mumandlovingit. My son has started school this year, was only 4 in Aug so is still very little but is very bright and able and was so excited about going to school. The last couple of weeks of the half term his teacher started reporting that his behaviour was out of control at times and she basically insinuated that he was just a naughty boy! I know that he can be 'trying' at times but i also know that he understands and does not have behaviour issues. They have told me he hurts other children which is so upsetting as he is such a friendly little lad and has never done anything like this before. However i do feel he has been very provoked, he is still very dribbly, his tonsils practically touch in his throat but he has not had any infections in them to date!! His teacher also seems to be the sort to Lable little boys she feels are just naughty.
The more i have spoken to people it seems that the hearing issue may be a root cause. I had tonsils and adenoids out as a child and can remember having ears syringed too. I took him to a cranial osteopath who identified tension around his ears and said she could help but to cut out all dairy. I am taking him to GP tomor to see if he does have glue ear or need any treatment clinically. Cutting out dairy is a nightmare, soya milk and products are generally not very nice for children, but i am trying desperately to find alternatives. Have also bought the omega 3 supplements to try and help.
Rest assured that you are not alone, i cant believe your situ is so similar to mine, we also had a death in the family at beginning of October, it never rains and all that!!! I feel quite reassured after reading these posts that there is some hope out there and hopefully his issues can be sorted!