Mums of 4 years+ boys - help me with my fighty boy please!!

[willandsamsmum]

My oldest DS is four and has just started school. In the month that he has been there, he has turned from a laid-back, chilled out boy to one that is fighting all the time. He comes home and hits and kicks his little brother (3 years), holding him with one hand and punching him in the face with the other. He's hitting out at me and his dad too and has spent quite a bit of time in the naughty corner for his attitude.

Is this just a boy thing? A friend suggested that boys have a testosterone surge at this age do become more aggressive. Any suggestions about how I can deal with this?

His poor brother doesn't know what to do as previously they've just wrestled in a non-aggressive/fun way and suddenly his best-mate has become Mike Tyson!

Any advice gratefully received.

[Tommy]

Really feel for you. I have DSs of same ages and while DS1 hasn't started fighting like this yet, his temper has got worse and worse since starting school.

I'l hoping it's just because he's tired and that half term will help

Have you had a parents evening yet? May be worth mentioning to hs teacher - maybe he's made friends with someone who does this?

[kittythescarygoblin]

Willandsamsmum, I think starting school certainly is at the root of this. My eldest 2 are boys 8 and 7 but they , of course, but the change from lovely preschooler to agressive reception child didn't happen.
If I were you I would try and find out if anything is causing him distress at school and this is manifesting itself in agression at home.
Can you talk to his teacher? You know your child and you know whether this behaviour is an indication of something being not 'right' with him.
It might be that he is very tired and is finding it hard to adjust. I wouldn't say that his behaviour is normal for a previously placid child , no. Good luck

[merlotmama]

You don't think he's being bullied do you? It might be worth having a word with his teacher sooner rather than later, to find out what the dynamic is in his class. Tiredness would make him grumpy or have a shorter fuse, but this determination to take it (whatever it is) out on someone is a bit worrying.

[sunnydelight]

It's really common for kids to copy other kids' behaviour and bring it home at that age. It sounds to me like there might be a lot of play fighting going on at school. I would be looking at who he's hanging out with and seeing how they interact in the playground before and after school. You could look at ways of channeling his physical energy - we sent DS1 to karate lessons at 4. I wasn't convinced to start with - I thought the kids were bound to try out their new found moves outside the class, but it's all about instilling discipline and physical confidence and knowing how to channel it appropriately.

[willandsamsmum]

Thanks everyone for your responses. It's good to know I'm not the only one who spends all evening, every evening refereeing fights!

He seems to have settled in very well (we did have reservations as he was very late to start pre-school sessions and was very quiet in them) and has made quite a few friends. He does have one friend who seems to be rather rougher than the others so maybe that, combined with tiredness, is the root of the problem. I think I will have a word with his teacher about how he is in class.

Karate is a great idea and we have thought about that and also swimming lessons so I will give that some further investigation.

Thanks again.