5 year old with night terrors about Nanny McPhee - help!

[Tillysmummy]

My 5 year old dd is a sensitive little girl at the best of times. The last few weeks she has been waking in the night and has been very difficult to settle off saying she is frightened about someone getting into her room etc. When I tell her not to worry /she's safe etc she still doesn't settle and screams and cries when I leave the room. In order to avoid waking ds (2.5) and so, if I'm honest, I can get back to sleep as quickly as possible, we don't leave her to cry but let her come in and sleep on our floor. I know that I shouldn't be doing this but just can't face the battle that would ensue at 3am. She is a very stubborn little thing and doesn't just accept what we tell her but insists that she can't get the thought / image out of her head. Is she just playing up? She seems genuinely scared.

Anyway, this had been going for about a week and we started a star chart. Her reward after 5 nights good behaviour / not getting out of her bed was a 'big girl's dinner (dinner out after normal teatime) with a friend of her choice. We did that last night. Although she had got her 5 stars prior to Friday and I had asked the friend, on Friday night she woke up frightened and came in on our floor. Very conveniently she had said before bed on Friday night "I don't have to be good tonight do I?". So I wonder is she playing up?

Anyway, yesterday we were out shopping and she saw a Nanny McPhee clip on a tv while we were out and got really scared. It emerged that about a week and a half ago when at a friends house she had watched Nanny McPhee and was frightened and N.McP was the subject of her night terrors. Is she playing up?

She woke up again last night and wouldn't listen to reason / kept saying she couldn't stop thinking about it. Nothing seems to work. I fear that you are all going to say that we should just leave her to scream and cry but I don't want to disturb the little one / can't face it. She is fairly highly strung and has always been a fairly shy child that can get upset easily by seemingly normal things.
What should I do?

[VanillaMilkshake]

I dont think she is making it up -although may be she's trying to be vey brave so she gets her treat??

I can remember being like this as a child and after my dad died I actually slept with my mum most nights until I went to secondary school. If I had bed dreams they would haunt me for days. And if I ever saw a scary film it would be inmy head for days. To an extent I ams til like it now.

Is there anyway you could get yourself a chairbed or beanbag for DD's room so that when she wakes you can make yourself comfortable on there until she drops back of. Over time gradually move the bag away from her until you are just outside the door etc?

Just a thought. Also might be worth speaking to the mum's of DD's friends to make sure you know what films she will watch when visiting.

I have a friend with a little girl a tiny bit younger than yours and she's also very sesitive. She wont even watch Singin in the Rain as she's never seen it before and is convinced it's scary!

[Tillysmummy]

Hi Vanillamilkshake thanks for your very kind and sensible suggestions. So you think I should stay in her room? I am so worried about starting bad habits but I guess I could. This is the problem and why we let her in to ours because I do feel she is genuinely frightened. I too, like you can remember being like this as a child and if I'm honest, still really don't like sleeping in the house on my own if DH is away.
It's taken me a whole week and a half to get out of her what her fear is.
I will try the gradually moving out of the room approach and see what happens.

The thing I think is really weird is why she was so good for xx nights and then as soon as she had all her stars she was naughty again but perhaps you are right perhaps she was just being really brave, although I think she would have come into us if she had woken up. I think she probably just didn't wake those nights because whenever she has woken it the past and I've reminded her about star charts etc etc she has just said I don't care.

[Furball]

I saw a clip of Nanny mcphee at the cinema and it looked scary I think it was abit old for a 5 yo to watch it. How old was the friend?

Saying that - similar happened to ds (who is also 5) and Star Wars although it wasn't as severe as your dd he did say he had bad dreams. Dh and I said not to worry we'll look after your bad dream whilst you dream about....... Even now 2/3 months down the line we have to give him a theme for him to dream about. Not sure he actually does dream it but it gives him something nice to think about before going off to sleep and it's not worrie him since.

[pooka]

I always do that with my dd - we have a cuddle before bed and I say "tonight you'll have lovely dreams about...(usually fairies, princesses and other saccarine things - bleeuurgh)". And then in the morning I'll ask what she dreamed about. Started to do this when she went through a stage of being slightly fearful at going to sleep, and woke a bit in the night, obviously terrified. think it's helped, maybe just because you're making positive suggestions, but maybe because the cause of her upset (starting pre-school, younger brother getting older and more of an entity) has eased.
Definitely think vanillamilkshake's approach is brill - so much so that I'm going to order a trundle bed for under her bed - just in case (and will be good for sleepovers when she's older and if she's ill and needs company in the night). The good thing about being comfy in her room is that she isn't associating comfort with being in your bedroom, it's all about making her feel secure in her own room as that's where you want her to sleep well in the long term.

[Tillysmummy]

Last night I tried putting animals on her bed to protect her, telling her to dream about nice things etc and she was fine to go to sleep. At 12am she woke and I had to go and sit with her. Between 12 and 1pm she kept going off to sleep and every time I got up to leave she would open her eyes and start saying she was scared again. I kept reassuring her that Nanny McPhee wasn't real etc. Still terrified. I tried lying on her floor but was so bloody tired and I'm afraid rubbish that I gave in and let her come on our floor. I know I shouldn't have and I should encourage her to feel safe in her own room etc but I was just so tired and such a busy day at work today. Don't know how to get this fear out of her head

[Tillysmummy]

Forgot to say so do you think I should order a trundle bed? Won't she get comfy with having me on her floor every night and want me there permanently?

[Furball]

Obviously if you are going to stay there and she knows it she may well be trying it on more as why shouldn't she have her mummy on the floor if mummy is willing to IYSWIM.

What about buying a special fairy that can sit by her bedside and keep her dreams special? Something to watch over her wilst mummy sleeps as well.

meanwhile, try settling her down and saying something like you just need to go to the toilet or you just need to check daddy is still asleep and gradually increase the time you are gone each night. Does she have a nightlight? or maybe get her a bedside light that she can put on herself if she feels it's too dark.

[hovely]

I really sympathise, Tillysmummy. I just can't cope with broken nights and work the next day, and when my 5yr old DD comes in during the night I feel so furious with her (altho try not to let it show).
I would guess that your DD's fear is real, but what she has also learned is that she gets a response from you that you may not want to keep giving, unless you are planning to sleep in her room forever more, so maybe the thing to work on is giving her the 'power' to deal with the scary dreams herself.
Have you tried a dreamcatcher?
like the'special fairy' that Furball suggests, the idea is that she believes it will catch all her bad dreams before they come (whether or not you believe it is a different matter!)
you can get them in lots of crafty, gifty type shops, or lots of websites, see
this one for example
Also, I wonder if discussing NMcP in the middle of the night and keeping telling her that it's not real is actually helping her to 'set' it in her mind IYSWIM, and allowing her to justify it to herself? Maybe you could try not asking her during the night what the problem is, but just say 'oh, you have woken up, let's do the trick that gets you back to sleep comfortably'. Then allow her to turn on a nightlight with a fader? or play a music box, or something, while you go back to bed.