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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Help! My 5 month old insists on being carried all day! He's a whinger!

87 replies

Georgiaplus1 · 20/09/2006 20:11

I'm really upset and don't know what the right thing to do: my son is 5 months is a massive WHINGER! He turns it on whenever he's not in my arms. He won't lay down and enjoy his toys and play unless he's being held. He controlls me with his voice. Should I invest time to break this habit of wanting to be held to avoid him being an unhappy child (which will mean him SCREAMING) or shall I just do what he wants and hold him all day long???????

What do you think?

OP posts:

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misdee · 20/09/2006 20:13

i think.

get a sling

babies spend so much time inside of you, they just want to be close to you after their born.

Blu · 20/09/2006 20:18

I agree. Try a bouncy chair for short periods where he can see and hear you, but lost of babies do want lots of contact. It's a natural instinct / reflex. Our ancestors would have had to carry them about to make sure they weren't nabbed by a predator, and they are programmed to make sure we don't forget them!
He will grow out of it, and then you will miss it!

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 20/09/2006 20:20

yeah, you need a sling.

you won't break the habit. Believe me, I've had 2 colicky babies.

Sucummb

Buy a sling.

I liked the baby bjorn for this age, but many people see them as the devils work. Ergo are totally fabulatastic and worth every penny, but it is lots of pennies. Maya wrap is good but acclimatise slowly.

Oh, 5 mo don't really play, btw.

Read Dr Sears too, that will probably help.

sorrell · 20/09/2006 20:21

You seem to be thinking that your baby is trying to hurt you or upset you or manipulate you by putting on pretend behaviour. But that's all completely impossible. he's only five months old. He just wants to be near you. he's too young for toys anyway IMO. It's hard & frustrating when you have a clingon baby but he isn't doing it to upset you - he has no idea what you are thinking or feeling (or even that you have thoughts or feelings).

morningpaper · 20/09/2006 20:21

Have you tried a bumbo? At this age mine liked sitting up and watching me e.g. preparing dinner at the table. Also a door bouncer? They are good. But basically this is NORMAL at this age. Your son is not a whinger or controlling - he is just a baby who needs to know his mummy loves him. This stage won't last forever.

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 20/09/2006 20:21

there you go

dr sears

he's an attatchement parenting GP. He's really very sane.

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 20/09/2006 20:22

(LOL at "clingon baby". I do recall wondering if dd, in particular, was not from this world)

Georgiaplus1 · 20/09/2006 20:34

Thanks everyone. Much appreciated. I'm sorry to be a pain but i have more questions for you: Over the past 3 weeks, I have bought: the bumbo, babybyorne, door frame bouncy but they aren't working! My back is in pieces from carrying him in the sling and I can't manage to distract him with the bumbo etc - he is only happy when I'm holding him (and I have to be standing otherwise he'll still grizzle).

In your opinion, if I continue carrying him do you think I'm developing a problematic toddler? ie: a whinger?

And, do you think it's barbaric if I sit with him on the floor and let him scream through the anger of not doing what he wants?

OP posts:

breadandroses · 20/09/2006 20:34

Sling.

you don't need to buy one, just tie him on with a lengh of material (comfy old pashmina will do).
Tightly now.
Now pull lots of the material under his bum, but make sure his back and shoulders also have support.
Hoist baby round so he's sitting piggyback style.
Voila.

misdee · 20/09/2006 20:35

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breadandroses · 20/09/2006 20:36

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FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 20:36

GET A SLING

CARRY HIM

YES JUST DO WHAT HE WANTS

it is easier, I promise you. He is not controlling you, he is letting you know what he needs, which is your body next to him. It is great to carry your baby - it makes them more secure and more confident in the long run. TRUST US

FrannyandZooey · 20/09/2006 20:37

Are you using a front carrier like the Baby Bjorn? We mean use a sling - a ring sling or wrap sling or similar. I carried my son in his till he was 2 so a 5 month old is not going to kill you, trust me

The front carriers are a bugger though, they cripple your shoulders.

Spidermama · 20/09/2006 20:40

I'm totally with Franny on this one. He wants to be carried. Who wouldn't. It's much easier to give him what he wants. I really enjoyed 'wearing' my kids while I cooked and pottered about the house. It's far easier than listening to them calling out to you constantly.

Georgiaplus1 · 20/09/2006 20:40

The sling / harness i have is the babybyorne - but he's a 15 pound 5 month old and I'm small and either really weak or.....maybe I'm a whinger! No seriously I can't carry the little munchkin on my body as my back aches all day.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 20/09/2006 20:41

If he is strong/big, you are almost at the age where you can try a hip seat - brings him up to your level and gives him a nice smooth 'ride'

He is TINY still, he will change VERY quickly

No it isn't barbaric to sit and cuddle him if you are too tired, but in the long run it is easier to do what he wants.

Is he ok in the pram? Long walks are good

Spidermama · 20/09/2006 20:42

He won't want to be worn for ever and if you wear him now he'll be confident and it'll pay off later when his natural curiosity takes him away from you to explore.

IME it's the ones who don't get this contact who 'winge' for longer because they don't feel secure.

misdee · 20/09/2006 20:42

try a wrap sling. much better for your back IMO. i have back problems and still carry my dd3 at times in a wrap cross carry.

Spidermama · 20/09/2006 20:43

I found the baby bjorn to be a bit crap and preferred the wilkinet. I did it from when they were born every day so it felt like an extension of pregnancy. I guess if you haven't been doing it it might be a shock to the system. I reckon you'd soon get used to it though, with the right carrier.

morningpaper · 20/09/2006 20:43

If your back is bad then ask the Doctor to refer you to physio - they can show you the right exercises to do to strengthen your back which is IMPORTANT - your tummy muscles are shot to pieces in pregnancy and you need to build these up to give yourself some core support

Long walks in the pram won't affect your back - not should a hip seat

I know this because I am still lugging a 4 year old and 1 year old around most of the time and I am just over 8 stone and slipped a disk 6 weeks ago

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 20/09/2006 20:44

If the sling is giving you backache that can probably be fixed.

I have back problems and have found ways to make sling wearing work.

If you are in pain you may need a new sling.

what sling are you using?

"And do you think it's barbaric if I sit with him on the floor and let him scream through the anger of not doing what he wants? " No I don't, I think you're bloody human and fed up. A constantly screaming baby is torture, its just awful. try not to but don't beat yourself up if you do.

All i can say is that dd was like that (despite being thoroughtly sling carried from birth), but was noticably better when carried. Which was all rge time really. Now she's actually quite independent, but with intensely clingy phases (when I MN ). she's 14 mo.

ds (3) was also parented this way, he's independent and knows his own mind very well, and is good at seeking out help and not getting into situations he can't cope with yet.

sorrell · 20/09/2006 20:44

Forget any ideas about his developing 'bad habits'. He's just far, far too young for any of the motives you are attributing to him. He's not trying to control you!
Agree Babybjorns are killers for your back, I think the other slings are totally different.
Re your baby, is he hungry? tired? What happens if you pop him in his pram and go for a walk? Does he sleep?

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Blu · 20/09/2006 20:44

GPLusOne - you're not being a pain, you've got back pain, and of course that needs sorting out! Has anuone got a link to a ring sling?
It did come as a big surprise to me how much DS would want to be held. I quickly abandoned all the projects I thought I would sail merrily through, and learned to do a lot of things one handed for a while.
It is a stage, it will pass, honestly and truly!

Georgiaplus1 · 20/09/2006 20:44

OK - I'll get a sling - thanks Franny and Spidermamma! I'm feeling better now - it's just so hard not to feel abnormal when everyone else's little ones are happy lying on the floor and content!

10-4.

OP posts:

breadandroses · 20/09/2006 20:45

Is there one called hug-a-bub where baby is carried on front but all parcelled up cosy and secure?
Now how can one like that be uncomfy?
They look far better than the front ones where arms and legs go bounce bounce bounce.

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