My 16 m toddlers strange obsessions are getting out of control :(

[C0reysmum]

I have no idea what to do with my sons obsessions!
3 things he is overly obsessed about is mobile phones (touch), washing machines, & worst of all, real cars! He screams in his sleep most of the night with no wish to be comforted. Then when he opens his eyes he screams with his hand out to the door to get out to the car. If I sit down he chokes himself screaming. If I give in he clings on to the steering wheel or the tyre and yells at anyone who dares go near him. He raids cupboards for pot lids to act as a steering when doing "brumm" pointing to the door. I've bought him a steering wheel for the house, a car to sit in, toy cars. Anything I can think of to take his mind off the real thing and he won't settle for them. He's been taken out of day care as he's upsetting the other kids at nap time ect. Washing machine & phone are easily solved tho he's still crying and pointing to the door. I'm a mum of 3 and can't get to work as no one else can cope. I am at my wits end with the constant screaming & fear I'm loosing the bond we have. Please someone tell me they have been there and came out the other end ??

[LabradorMama]

I'm really sorry I have no advice to offer but didn't want to read and run - this sounds horrendous. My child is much younger so I've no idea if this behaviour is to be expected but it does sound unusual to me and definitely obsessive. I think if I were you and it were impacting my life this much I would speak to the GP or HV about it, just for advice

OP

[QOD]

How old?

[QOD]

Sorry, seen it in the title now

Bloody hell sounds so wearing!

[C0reysmum]

Hey :)
Thanks for replying
I gave health visitor a ring and just as I thought, useless :(
She advised me to persevere with distracting him, as if I hadn't been doing that from it started :-/
And told me he's very head strong which wasn't any use since I knew that. What hope have I got if a professional has no advice :'(
Hubby resorted to going to local breakers yard and getting him a steering wheel! No joy :-( he wants to stand in the car holding it and turning it. This was my last hope.. Was kind of hoping this thing happens to everyone's babies. Knowing in the back of my mind it doesn't as I have two teens who, apart from eldest with ASD were pretty "normal".
Again, thank u for reading, was worth a try :)

[Lovelydiscusfish]

Gosh, sounds so hard. Maybe not great advice, but to give you respite would looking at cars in books or on DVDs (kids programmes - I believe there is a film called Cars about cartoon cars , for example) distract him?

[Coughle]

Would he respond to rationing? 10 minutes in the car, then the timer goes and you have to get out... Another 10 minutes after lunch etc etc...

I'm sure you've tried that, as well as toy cars, cardboard boxes etc...

Tbh I would seek professional help. I waited too long to seek help for my son. Don't let anyone put you off or say Oh it's just a normal phase... It's not normal and it's negatively impacting your lives greatly.

[Coughle]

BTW, was he quite early with walking and talking?

[Pangaea]

I know this sounds ridiculous, but as he seems to want the real thing, and toys aren't cutting it - could you put Top Gear on as a distraction technique? Plonk him down with a steering wheel?

[Thumbwitch]

Have you tried getting a recording of the car engine to play when he plays with his toy cars?
What about racing car games on the electronics, computer, tablet, wii, whatever you have? Would those help? (If you haven't already tried him on those, you might be surprised how quickly they pick it up! I was! )

[C0reysmum]

Thanks so much for all of your tips. If I could get him to look at the TV those suggestions would probably work a treat but he turns to it for a second if he hears an animal noise, car noise, copy's it and turns away. The only thing I haven't tried is the racing games ect like Playstation. There isn't one in my house so that's probably why I had never thought of it but I think I'll try him with a friends, see if that takes his mind off it.
I too was put off when seeking help for my daughter knowing something wasn't right. At the age of 10 when she set the house on fire I then got someone to listen. Aspergers & conduct disorder
It was such a hard time with her growing up & her brother copying her behaviour that when 12 years later I was expecting this little menace, I thought, finally! I'm gona know what it's like to have that bond. So now seeing these strong obsessions, the fear I have is taking over. My aim was to hear other people laugh at how their toddler done this and now has no interest and is on to something else.
He also does a circular thing with his arm and a little hum like mmm-MMM. That was cute until I started putting every thing together. I hope my mind is just working over time and he just loves cars

[Guin1]

I have a 22 month old DS. He has been obsessed with cars, trucks, trains, etc, for the past 10 months, but doesn't need the 'real thing'. Will happily play with his many, many toy cars for hours, watch any car related TV (loves the car ads), read/look at any car-related book or magazine and will point out every car he sees when we go out. The shopping centre near us has a line of those trolleys with cars for kids to sit in and he usually has to work his way down the line, sitting in each one and turning the steering wheel.

But, he doesn't need the 'real thing' like your DS - that really does sound exhausting, both physically and emotionally. My DS also had a big obsession with bins that lasted about 5 months - he had to touch every bin he saw, household bins, wheelie bins, shopping centre bins, skip bins. That obsession started to fade by itself about a month ago, and now he is OK with just pointing to them. But he never got really upset if there wasn't a bin around and it didn't stop him going to day care, relatives' houses, etc.

I don't have any useful advice, but really hoping it works out for you soon.

[Sootgremlin]

Ok. Don't know if this is good advice or not, but just throwing it in.

Have you tried giving him what he wants? My ds has had periods of extremely fixated obsessions, one very similar to this where he all he wanted was to go outside and sit in the car, grilling anyone who visited about their cars, screaming if denied and huge tantrums when brought back. All before age of two.

What helped in the end was for me to go out and sit with him in the car for about an hour at a time, or my DH would when he was in from work. Ds would sit in front seat and pretend to 'drive', we would sit and supervise and read, Internet etc. After a few days of this he stopped asking as frequently, or would be more easily distracted. I appreciate it's difficult, we didn't have other children at the time, but he almost needed to immerse himself in it to come out the other side of the obsession.

He's 3 now and still gets fixations, to a lesser extent perhaps, but still seems to need to process them in the same way. So for instance he watched a film recently and was obsessed with watching it all the time so one day I just let him leave it on, played it four times in a loop, now he only asks for it occasionally. Before that it was all he talked about, very distressed if I tried to distract with anything else.

I have wondered about my ds too, as it seemed out of the ordinary to me, but he's calmed down with age. He does have some sensory issues too though, but is very sociable.

[Stuffofawesome]

Sounds tough. My ds was obsessed with washing machines when small. We used to have outings to the laundrette. Maybe combination of indulging a bit with distraction might work. With family history I think you would be justified in asking for developmental paed referral

[Madcat22]

I would agree with Stuff, although obsessions and having major meltdowns when things don't go their way is something toddlers are particularly good at!! I think the play station is a good idea, or I bet you can get a driving app if you have an iPad or similar which might mean not having to fork out more cash. Is there any way of switching the car obsession to a third more user friendly obsession by gradually introducing something new to him whilst he is in a car so he develops an association? Sounds so tough.

[PurplePidjin]

If you have any concerns, push for assessment - GP, local children's centre etc my whole HV team is fecking useless too I wouldn't trust them to diagnose the common cold Chances are they'll tell you everything's fine, but I get the impression you'll worry about it anyway until you get an answer?

[C0reysmum]

Goodness why didn't I join this before :-)
Everyone's so helpful!
For a few months I have put a deck chair beside the car & let him sit in it for hours just because I couldn't stand to see the states he was getting into.
Day care had suggested bringing a toy he likes or something he favours that would make him feel safe. That made me realise he doesn't like anything at all! He's scared of soft toys, he won't have a blanket near him even through the night he will squeal to get it off. If I could get him interested in one other thing my problem might very well be solved.
He does have his usual wee tantrums (terrible twos) but I just didn't want him missing out on normal play/learning because he's stuck in a car all day :-(
I feel so awful for him for whatever is in his wee mind.
It's a good sing tho that someone has had similar obsessive behaviour and just grown out of it. Little sigh of relief :)
Just gota wait it out I guess & hope he takes to something else.

[Stuffofawesome]

He looks adorable BTW. Wondering if there is something else about the car that is attracting him like the smell? any air fresheners or anything? texture of the seats? Like said above could be some sensory seeking need/behaviour that the car fulfils. Do get him checked though as if there is any other issue early intervention is really beneficial.

[Kafri]

My lb has had a similar obsession. He got to the point where we couldn't get out of the car without him wanting to climb through to the front and play for a while. But, the 'while' got longer and the tantrums for worse if he couldn't play, ie, in a rush etc.

Anyway, the only thing I felt I could do was ration it. So, I completely stopped him doing it when we arrived anywhere and only let him play when we pulled up at home. It took time, he howled for a while before accepting it.

He's 19m now and to be honest, he still likes to climb through to the front when we get home but he's not as angry if I don't let him. Just a normal 'I didn't get what I want cry'

It's difficult when the thing they really really want isn't really a viable option.
Not sure whether you can face the tantrums of doing it like I did but I got to the point where I figured he was going to scream anyhow when we got to the point where I had to take him out of the car to actually go wherever it was we were headed.

His current obsession is owls so I read the same 3 stories on loop all day!!

[DoYouThinkSheSawUs]

Dd was similar although maybe not to the same extent. And that along with other things means I'm going to push to get her assessed for ASD - she's 3.

Anyway, I just used to let her sit in the car for hours on the drive, and just check on her every now and then. She still insists on sitting in it for a good 30mins when we've got home.

[C0reysmum]

I think part of the reason I fear having him tested for anything on these grounds and his total unintrest in other children and toys, is incase I'm told there is a medical reason behind it and I have to start all over again as well as accept that again, I won't have that kind of relationship "the girl across the street" has with her baby. I so want this to be nothing but a phase but the more I write, the more I remember and think "oh yeah" and "he does this too". Thanks for all your kind advice. I will continue for awhile with the tips above and some of what I'm doing and suffer the tantrums and distressed crying. And if it gets too out of control I will give in and speak to a doctor.

[GirlWithTheLionHeart]

Forget HV, see your GP