Best way to deal with lying

[Itsfab]

13 year old DS and almost 11 year old DD sat together at the park - sent away by me for misbehaving. DS said that DD said a lot of unkind things to him as well as saying fuck you DS. He said he didn't hear the f but did hear the .uck.

She owned up to most but not the fuck you.

Got home and 30 minutes sat on the step and in the corner as both can't be telling the truth so either lying as said it or making it up to get her into trouble.

Have had enough. Have fed them and both have gone to their rooms. DD wishes she was dead and hates her life. DS wishes he had a gun.

I am feeling a failure, swore at them and wish they would just get a long for even 5 minutes a day.

I can't tell when they are lying any more. It feels like they are not disciplined if I do nothing - the hard done by in their eye child will kick off at me. Or else I punish an innocent child.

I know lying is meant to be all about development etc but I can't stand it. It is unnecessary and in this case is juts horrible which ever way around it has happened.

I have confiscated lap tops and phones for today and have told them no going out tomorrow. Two days running we have left an activity early because of behaviour. DD yesterday and DS and DD today.

[MrsWinnibago]

I don't think sitting children of this age on the step or in the corner is advisable or sensible.

I also think you're overreacting. Swearing is bad I agree but they weren't actually beating one another up or stealing or anything really bad.

Personally I'd have taken away phones/other devices and told them off and left it at that....

[Itsfab]

You are probably right but just because beating each other up would be worse doesn't make what they did okay. And when they are horrible to each other 99% of the time something has to be done. DS was very upset. DD said some spiteful things.

[Lovelydiscusfish]

I would discourage the 13 year old from telling tales on his sister like this. Because you can't possibly police what they say to each other when you're not there, so it seems futile to try.
Also he, in particular, is old enough to try to manage his day to day relationships himself - he must do so if he goes to school, and probably hears much worse daid there!

[Itsfab]

Again, just because he hears worse doesn't mean what his sister said is okay. You could apply that to all sorts and it still wouldn't be okay.
DS1 might be 13 but he still has feelings.

I have read some of the siblings without rivalry this morning and have made notes to help me.

DD has just asked me a question that is a bit full on for 8.40am .

[Lovelydiscusfish]

Not saying it is OK, of course it isn't ever good to be sworn at, I'm just suggesting he may need to develop skills to try to cope with this sort of thing in his own way without a parent stepping in, now he is a teenager. Hope you get things resolved.