Help...newborn and 3.5 year old...

[Poolbirthx2]

Please help.....I have an 8 week old ds and 3.5 year old dd and we are struggling with dd behaviour. For the first couple of weeks she seemed ok, although did cry everyday when going to nursery. The last week has been horrible, today she has had 4 tantrums for no reason at all. They last for around and hour. They have got so bad that during the week when dh is at work I will not leave the house with her because I know if she has a tantrum when out and I have ds with me I will not cope!

We have tried our best not to leave her and involve her in everything with baby.

I am in desperate need of help, It is really getting me down. If anyone else has been in same position at what age did it become easier

Tia

[Cluelessat30]

Gosh, my pil used to pop in a couple of times a week, for an hour or so, when DD2 was that age, so I had a bit of distraction for her. No useful experience here except trying to keep going out as much as possible to distract and keep DD1 busy.

Do you have any understanding friends who could come for a play date?

Could your partner drop her off at nursery at all? Might make a difference. I'll have a think, hopefully someone with more practical advice will come along soon.

[Ludways]

You day she's involved with the baby but you don't mention one on one time with her, do you spend time with her without baby around too?

[CountBapula]

You're not alone, OP. We have the same age gap and DS1's tantrums have got noticeably worse since DS2 came along. We also had some weeing on the floor (first couple of weeks) and night waking (a good two and a half months ). Luckily DS2 is a very placid baby and sleeps well, otherwise I'd have gone completely round the bend.

Now that DS2 is 4 months he's napping in his cot in the mornings and DS1 and I can have one on one time together. I think things are improving slightly. It's much harder in the newborn days when DC2 is permanently attached to you, especially if you bf. I think it's just a case of grit your teeth and ride it out. Much easier said than done, though!

[CountBapula]

PS Has she actually had any tantrums when out and about or are you just afraid she will? I find getting everyone out of the house is crucial. DS1 has had some humdingers while we're out but it's still preferable to being stuck indoors listening to him whining...

[Cluelessat30]

Is there somewhere you can walk to/drive to where your DD can bike/scoot/collect daisies? Try lesser-frequented places first, tantrums will be less embarrassing.
If you can get a handle on any triggers, this will help.eg if you think it's hunger have snacks ready to dole out, if it's attention have her pretend to be a doctor/midwife come to check DS, hang on her every word. Any game you can involve both without DS being rolled on!
Hang in there... soon DS will love to be in a jumperoo, be able to sit and bang toys on the floor.

[Poolbirthx2]

Hi,
Thanks for all your advice.
I try and have at least one day and week just me and her will do something but it is very hard to do this more than once a week when dh works full time so no one to wath dc2.

There have been major tantrums when we have been out, I just can't do it anymore, I feel awful but just can't wait until I am back in work.

Countbapila - thank you it's good to know I'm not alone xx

[MadgeMak]

I have a 9 week old and just turned three year old. What I've recently started doing is having daily special mummy/3 year old time every morning whilst the baby sleeps in the sling, just 15 mins. I make a massive deal out of it, say "oooh, it's time for our special time now" in excited voice, she gets to pick and lead the activity and I give her my undivided attention for the duration of special time, I set a timer. It seems to be working quite well, she is really enjoying it. It's lovely that you try to give your eldest a full day one on one each week but maybe a daily small dose of positive attention would work.