What are 11yo girls like?

[SixImpossible]

Y6 girls all look so 'maturing'.

My dd wears boys' shoes and trousers to school, has no strut to her movement, barely cares about her hair or clothes (comfort and convenience over style), still plays with dolls and fancy dress.

Come September, is she going to be a total fish out of water in Y7?

[MrsWinnibago]

"No strut" ? seriously? She's eleven! I think you will find that the majority of 11 year olds aren;t very "strutty" at all but are in fact prepubescent girls with a variety of walking styles and personalities.

[SixImpossible]

Seriously. OK, they don't all strut, but most are developing a certain self-awareness which dd seems to totally lack.

Dd appears child-like among her classmates, and among other Y6s. I don't mean physically, I mean in attitudes.

[KittiesInsane]

Which girl? And which five minutes?

DD and friends seem to go from head-tossing teenage attitude, to drawing on the walls with bath crayons, to mad scamperings off to the park.

Most of them have zero fashion sense and a preference for puppies over popstars.

[enderwoman]

Agree with KittiesInsane.

Mine wears make up but plays with Littlest Pet Shop figures. When her friends are here they do face masks one minute then jump on the trampoline the next.

The only bit I disagree with is the fashion sense bit. They all seem to be well put together.

[motherinferior]

I'm on my second 11 year old. They're terrific. Mind you I also like 12 year olds and 13 year olds...

My current 11 year old is tiny, strong-minded, bright, trousered and good at playing the sax and trumpet. She has lots of friends, who all seem rather similar apart from the sax and trumpet bit.

[SixImpossible]

Is she going to get picked on for wearing boys' shoes and trousers at secondary?

[enderwoman]

What of you mean by boys shoes? At our secondary school, girls shoes range from feminine to unisex. Unisex meaning Vans type shoes hidden under trousers.

[pippitysqueakity]

I get what you are saying OP. My Dd is sort of the same and I look at her and wonder. The thing is, I tell myself, she is there ' on the ground' so to speak and she is happy. I am really trying to let myself be guided by her. They are the ones living it, try to trust her instincts.

[enderwoman]

Is the secondary school bigger? If so she's more likely to meet people who are similar.
In dd's y6 class there is a real variety of characters. Being a tomboy/tomgirl (is that a word?) is considered perfectly fine at our primary and secondary. There's the odd child who brings up "love" but by y6 a NT child can probably deal with a little banter like that.
The children who are unpopular in dd's class are unpopular because if their behaviour rather than personality. For example one is known as a snitch and gets a teacher involved for the smallest issues.

[Maddaddam]

I have dds aged 14, 12 and 10. All quite different from each other.

My dd1 who's 14 sounds a bit like your dd. She also wears boys' shoes (Clarks) to secondary, plus boys' clothes in general, and she has a sort of shaggy surfer-type hairstyle, her choice again, which is similar to many of the boys' hairstyles. They have a pretty unisex school uniform and people often mistake her for a boy. She doesn't mind. She also still plays with playmobil etc, she just doesn't care what is viewed as normal for her age and gender. She does seem young for her age still.

I did worry a bit for her at the start of secondary, she is quite quirky (we like to say creative and individualistic, but you could equally well say she's rather weird). I did find myself trying to encourage her to buy the girls' shoes not the boys' when she was about 11. She resisted.

She has been absolutely fine, and very happy, at our local comp. She has found a great group of (weird-ish) friends and has much more of a niche than is possible in a primary class.

I still have to remind her to brush her hair and put clean, non-tatty clothes on, her younger sisters are much better on that.

12yo dd2 is not very typical either. She was wearing boys' clothes too last year, now she's gone emo and it's all black hair dye and studded leather. She's also finding secondary great for being able to be in a group of like-minded peers, not just getting stuck with the few girls in her class at primary (who were fine, but secondary has so many more social options and she's loving that).

[SixImpossible]

Thanks for reassuring me. I do want her to feel comfortable in her own skin, but at the same time I remember how miserable I was made to feel for not 'getting' what the other girls 'got'. My school was very small, two form entry. Dd is going to a seven form entry school. The sheer size oif it terrifies me! I keep worrying about there being more bullies, more peers to conform with, etc. It had not occurred to me that this could actually give her a greater chance of finding like-minded friends.

[KittiesInsane]

Two form entry sounds oppressively small. DD is at an 8-form entry school, DS at a 10-form entry. Honestly, it vastly improves the chances of finding half a dozen soulmates rather than being the only 'little girl' amongst a bunch of would-be fashionistas.

[17leftfeet]

Dd is at a 10 form entry school and its been fantastic

At primary she was on the outside looking in by year 6, not interested in the boy bands etc

High school she has found her people

[enderwoman]

My son went from a one form primary school to an 8 form secondary. It's been a great social learning experience for him as there are people on the whole social spectrum. It's made him much more open minded and worldly. He'd never met people who were brony, camp, emo, in a wheelchair, diabetic....

[KittiesInsane]

Goats, I know what you're saying, but I'm not sure I'd call being into 'clothes, fashion, makeup and boys' a sign of maturity, more a sort of stereotypical girliness, perhaps?

[SixImpossible]

However trivial it may sound, being into these things is a sign of the emotional and intellectual changes that we call maturity.

Dd has never been into any of them. She has never been a stereotypical girl. Last year, that did not matter. This year it makes her different to the majority of her peers who now are into 'clothes, fashion, makeup and boys'.

[KittiesInsane]

We'll have to agree to disagree on that one, Six; perfectly possible to be a mature and useful member of society without being remotely interested in fashion or makeup. Some are, some aren't, and I hope she finds a peer group she's happy with next year.

[SixImpossible]

Oh I agree with you there, Kitty. I'd say that I am one of this people, myself. But I had to go through a poisonous pit of hell with my so-called peers during my teenage years first.

[SixImpossible]

Sorry, "Kitties".

[KittiesInsane]

Yes, but you said yours was a tiny school (so was mine) and I think they can be extra-hard if you don't quite fit in. She may well be just fine!

Have a good look at any extracurricular activities, a good way to meet kids outside your own form: ours has sports clubs, but also drama, choir, science club, cinema club, music, knitting(!), martial arts, environment forum and pottery.

[NinjaLeprechaun]

When my daughter was eleven I'm fairly certain that she actually thought she was part elf. A Tolkien elf, not the other kind. She went around in this really fantastic long, green cloak that she'd made, was into archery, learned Elvish, and laughed at anybody who looked at her .
She was more than a little bit awesome.

She never really did become a girl, incidentally.

[Redglitter]

My niece is 11. She's sporty competitive and athletic. She doesn't wear dresses but loves fancy tops and dip dyed hair. She's opinionated and adores her little sister. she goes to football matches with her dad and plays dolls house with her sister. she has an answer for everything but isn't too old for cuddles and kisses. She holidays with me and her gran & enjoys being her young self.

There are no 2 kids the same. let her be her own person and don't worry about it.

My niece is a mixture of so many things and I love each and every one of them

[mrssprout]

This has made me feel so much better. My 11 year old still seems like a "little girl" in a lot of ways compared to the other girls in her year. I was a bit worried about next year when she starts high school but am now thinking the bigger group of girls will give her more of a chance to find some friends that have more in common with her than her current friends that are becoming very interested in boys when she isn't yet.

[SixImpossible]

At last I have an answer for my parents when they ask, yet again, what the advantage is of having such massive schools.

This has been very reassuring, thank you.

(Your dd sounds awesome, Ninja!)