Any Super nannies out there??? 9year old little madam DD

[wangle99]

Help!

DD is turning into a right little madam. She is rude, cheeky and disobedient.

Please give me some pointers how to deal with this.

[shebnem]

i have similar probs here, but mine is a lot younger.
i couldnt find solution so not to get so much upset i will go for ad's i think, will talk about it to GP.
dont have too much advice for u, sorry for that.

[PeachyClairHasBadHair]

OOh we need far mroe info than that

who is in the household, any recent changes, duration of problems, etc etc etc

As a starting point, could she be reacting to the school return?

A buit of a boi would help; sometimes these things are glaringly obvious to an outsider. And sometimes, it's just a phase.

[wangle99]

Wasn't sure what info to give!

No recent changes, she can't wait to go back to school (she loves school).

She has been like this for about a month. She seems to think of herself as an adult and therefore should be allowed to live how SHE wants and that's all that matters. Seems to think a bit too much of herself.

There is myself, DH and DS who is nearly 3. She idolises DS, doesn't seem to resent him although she is annoyed that he doesn't have 'chores' to do like she does.

I only work term time so have been home with the children, I have had time with DD without DS (when he has been at nursery Tue pm and Fri am) and we have done lots of stuff together.

I appreciate ANY insight from any outsiders because I do appreciate I may be missing something obvious!

[PeachyClairHasBadHair]

What you are describing sou ds like you may well have a confident, delf assured girl who managed to get the adolescent thing a bit early, TBH.

Obv there could be something we don't know, could there be something outside the home that is upsetting her? Has she any friendships or paricular triggering points that don't quite sit right with you?

otherwise it sounds like she might be growing up. Can you find ways of making her feel more adult, maybe a clothing allowance or allowing her to redecorate her bedroom- anything like that, as it shows you respect the fact she isn't a little (in her eyes) hirl any more, and that you trust her to make decisions now.

[themoon66]

I think now would be a good time to get over to the Teenage thread and read Custy's words of wisdom.

[LoveMyGirls]

i would also explain to her that ds doesnt have chores because he isnt big like her and you need her to help because you can trust her to do a good job etc really praise all the times she is good and makes an effort, that always helps no matter what the circs.

[PeachyClairHasBadHair]

And with the chores, perhaps she could earn rather than being (in her eyes anyway) an unpaid skivvy? We used to haev a list of going rates up in the kitchen, hardly minimum wage bt it did help us feel appreciated

[wangle99]

Thanks Peachy - DD is money mad so a list of chores and prices would probably motivate beyond belief.

Sometimes its the cheekyness that gets me, today I asked DS to pick up a tv control off the floor and DD turned around and said 'why don't you get it yourself' (it wasn't said in a questioning tone but a sarcastic horrid tone). I was gobsmacked!

If this is teenage now I'm scared!!!!!!!!

[wakeupandsmellthecoffee]

If you dont respect your self she wont respect you . Simple as that . Be firm but fair . May be she is struggling some where (I presume school) could be friends or the work . So she feels she has to push the boundries at home . Kids NEED boundries it makes them feel secure .

[ellefsenmc]

my 9 yr old dd is exactly the same and i think its the age as loads of people seem to have this problem. my daughter thinks she is grown up and wants to do everything. she wants to wash up and cook and polish. she isnt into toys anymore instead its music and make-up/hair. i dont have any ideas as im struggling myself

[Schhh]

I recognise my 9 year old a bit from these descriptions as well.

[juuule]

Have you asked her what she thinks about the way she is behaving? I have with mine around that age and sometimes it's ended with her crying and wanting a cuddle but saying she feels like she should be being more grown-up. I think there is a pre-adolescent thing around 8-10 years when they get a bit insecure and unsure of themselves. Talking with them always seems to take the pressure off.

[ChopinRocks]

this describes my dd8. Have had hell half term with tantrums, throwing stuff at me, crying like a banshee. I actually lost it with her and we stayed in all half term and we missed out on a few trips i had planned because I just didnt feel obligated to spend any money/time/effort on her. She has improved. she also has a shock of red hair and I have heard redheads have firey temper....

I am genuinely scared if the teenage years! I think I will be leaving before she does!

She is extremely loving 90 per cent of the time and we are really close. My dh thinks we are "too" similar and wind each other up (???)
It is extremely frustrating and testing though and I completely understand what you are going through. I have had to become quite hard and its really horrible. . Its working though.