Advice needed

[howdoIdealwiththis]

To explain in short, I have a 12 yr old Ds who isn't prone to outbursts on a regular basis, but obviously is reaching the hormonal age.

He has just caught me having a sneaky cigarette (the first in a long time and even then only very occasional)and has stomped off saying I have been lying to him!

I have expained to him that a) I haven't lied to him....because I haven't, I just felt he didn't need to know and b) soemtimes there are things that we do as adults that really don't have anything to do with children.

He doesn't seem upset that I actually had it, more that he feels I lied. He seems to be ok with it now, but I am really upset now.

So any advice?

[howdoIdealwiththis]

Anyone?

[JessaJam]

Witholding the truth is ^very close to lieing, especially in an almost teenagers mind, and if your son believed you had given up smoking he is probably very disappointed that you are sneaking smokes behind his back.
Can you explain to him that it is very difficult to stop smokinga n dthat sometimes you really feel like you need a cigarette but you are trying not to an dthat you are sorry he's upset with you.
He has got to this age surrounded by adverts and lessons in scholl telling him how smoking is bad for you and kilsl you so he is probably also angrya nd upset with you because, in his mind, you are killing yourself. Sorry if that's a bit blunt, but taht might be what he thinks iyswim.
My mum smoked when i was a child and it really annoyed me for this reason.

[JessaJam]

lieing! OMG have become totally fucking illiterate! sorry!
lying

[juuule]

I would apologise for lying to him and possibly explain why you needed to. Don't be upset. He is growing up and the stuff we can get away with when they are younger, they just see straight through now. He was obviously upset and now he needs to know that he can still trust you.

[howdoIdealwiththis]

Hi Jessajam, blunt is fine and I totally agree with all you say. He actually hasn't known aboyt the other times as i was always careful not to ever smoke around him, mainly as i didn't want him to worry and as he is quite a sensitive child, he would worry. But I was kind of the opinion that as an adult, I make my decisions. It has been a long time since I last did, but some stupid reason I felt I needed to today...really really stupid!

I also think he sees me as someone who does everything properly and it has disappointed him that I do sometimes do things which aren't 'right'.

It has made me feel sick anyway, combined with Ds reaction to it, so I should think thats it! Oh god, this is awful, I think I would normally be able to deal with it rationally, but I can't today.

[howdoIdealwiththis]

Juuule, I did explain to him about it, but I don't feel I lied about it, I just didn't tell him.

[JessaJam]

Realising that our parents aren't actually all-knowing godlike perfect creatures is part of growing up.