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Behaviour/development

Really worried with aggresive 2 year old

7 replies

terriefarrell · 28/08/2006 09:46

DD2 (Emily) has always been very active and manic which is completely different from passive DD1 (Freya). When DD3 (Natasha) came along I was really worried how Emily would react but she seemed not fussed and ignored her for most of the time and just gave hugs and kisses. Now that Natasha is crawling and picking up toys and things, the last month has been hellish. Emily is also very close to her dad who is in the Navy and was away for four month this year which i think didn't help her behaviour. I've coped just about but the last two weeks Emily has been dangerously aggressive to Natasha. In the last week along she's repeatedly stabbed her in the back with a ballpoint pen, stood above her whilst Tash was on the floor and dropped a magic 8 ball (which is really heavy) onto her face and then last night she did exactly the same with a plate. I just don't know what to do.

I'm ashamed to say i lost it with her last night and slapped her legs and sent her to bed. Ten minutes later i made her apologise to Natasha and explained how it was really naughty to do that. She knows the consequences as i asked her if she would want me to drop a plate on her face and she said 'no' so she obviously knows it would hurt her.

I'm normally a really laid back mum but this is driving me mad. Theres only a few weeks til DH goes back to sea although this time only for 6 weeks but i'm so worried how this will affect Emily and how i'll cope while he's away. Because there's a big age gap between Freya and Emily there was no sibling rivalry and i expected some this time round but this is ridiculous. Natasha has just moved in with Emily and Emily gets up in the morning and climbs into her cot (the girl climbs everything!) and jumps on her to wake her up. I've told her to come and get me when she wakes up and to leave Natasha alone to sleep but although she's done that twice in the last two weeks, she jumped into the cot again this morning. Any advice would be much appreciated. #

Cheers

Terrie X

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wrinklytum · 28/08/2006 10:52

Dear Terri.Firstly lots of respect to you for dealing with three! children by yourself while your hubby is away for long periods.Just wondered if you had tried the naughty step or time out for this behaviour?I only have 2 so its probably easier for me.If ds is horrid to his sister(8 MNTHS) I tell him that his behaviour is not acceptable and give reasons then do naughty step.If this continues he gets time out in his room for a few minutes.Dunno if this will help.

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wrinklytum · 28/08/2006 10:57

Sorry hadnt read the message properly re cot thing.Do you think that the fact baby has moved into her room makes her feel that her own "space" has been invaded? Maybe you could create a place in the room that is solely Emilys? Make a little den or something and put her favourite things in there?Im clutching at straws here but think that you need to be quite firm about hurting the baby being unacceptable behaviour.

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wrinklytum · 28/08/2006 11:07

here again.Is there any point in the day that you can give Emily some one to one time even if its just reading a story? I think when my dd was little ds felt left out a times and his behaviour improved when I made a concerted effort for us to do something with just us minus baby.Realise its much more difficult with 3!!!

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terriefarrell · 28/08/2006 12:49

cheers wrinkly (if you don't mind me calling you that!). I know what you mean about the one to one time and i do think that this is a case of jealousy gone too far. They spend very little time in their bedroom to be honest, really just sleeping and we're having a conservatory built soon which is to become a playroom. With that and decorating there are boxes all over the place and their room is full of them. Maybe once it's cleared out i can create a space for Emily in the room that is just hers although i'm worried then that i may be hampering the 'sharing' ethic.

I have tried the naughty stair but have been so down in the dumps about it all at the moment that i haven't been as strict as enforcing it as i should. All those programs are now running in my head and all i can hear is 'you have to be consistent' so maybe that's what i have to do more of. I'll have to give it a go. Oh and by the way, I also have a step son! Yeah it's a busy old household this one especially when dads away!

Terrie X

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sleepysooz · 28/08/2006 13:33

terrie - I can only take my hat off to you for having 4 children, I have 3 ds 10yo, twins ds & dd 2.10 and thats bad enough, but 4 children, hey chin up tell yourself you are a wonderful person.

Have you got any friends or family that can give you an hours break. You need to have time to re-charge your batteries to cope with babies and toddlers, can the step-son help you? how old is he?

My 10yo ds can at least pass me things and he sometimes makes the twins their breakfast, don't get me wrong though he is no angel, he can be rough with twins aswell!

Good luck you wonderful person you!!!!!!

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terriefarrell · 28/08/2006 14:16

The two eldest, Robert (12) and Freya (8) are an absolute godsend. I wouldn't know what to do without them and Emily is so close to the both of them. They are so helpful and can keep the girls amused but as they are often out or at school, it's getting things done when they're not here whilst trying to minimise Emily killing Natasha! I really do have good kids, Emily is so bright and sometimes i think she's too bright for her own good, she's very funny and can be so loving but i've never experienced this kind of aggression before and i'm just not sure how to deal with it as it gets me so down. Thanks for the advice though.

Terrie X

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divastrop · 28/08/2006 21:19

my ds2 was 2yrs 5 mnths when i had dd2,and i was on my own also.ds1(8) and dd1(7) were brilliant,i wouldnt have been able to go to the loo sometimes as i couldnt leave ds2 alone with the baby.i had to take her to a+e one time cos ds2 hit her over the head with a toy guitar and she had a black eye.i also lost it at one point when he bit her arm really hard and i smacked him on the arm.i was so ashamed of myself as i'd never done that b4.i did the naughty step etc,gradually he calmed down but i think it was when dp moved in that he really improved.he is 3 now and never hurts his sister intentionally anymore.i just had to keep them separate or make sure they were supervised when he was being like that with her

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