16 month old being very difficult :(

[tigertum]

My 16 month old is being very difficult at the moment. He has become a real 'toy thief' and has massive, floor-rolling trantums if I take whatever toy he is after and give it back to the baby he is playing with.

We went to this birthday party yesterday and he was the only baby playing up. To be fair he was the oldest by a few months and by nature has alwasy been very, very active but, it was suck a nightmare.

Whilst all the other babies played nicely and were't that much bother, my DS rampaged around the houce and garden - turning on the oven, puttingh his hand in the bird bath, posting toys into the pond, stealing toys, running down the slide - need I go on? The whol afternoon all I got was sympethetic 'he must run you ragid' comments of people. His final (and biggest trantrum) at the end of the party happened after another mum intervened and took a fire engine off him and another baby. Everyone was just staring at me and DS. We eventually scuttled off leaving a trail of devestation in our wake.

It was so embaressing and I think everyone there thought I was a terrible parent. I really have no idea what I am doing as a mum

[AllieBongo]

Don't be silly. You are not a bad parent, youe ds is obviuosly very bright and curious, is learning lots, and can not yet understand the concept of reason.. such as no, beacuse it's hot/dangerous etc. My dd is exactly the same, and it started at the same age.. 3months on she still turns everyones cookers on, eats stuff out of the fridge/freezer etc, has the odd swipe at people etc but it is getting better. It's not how your ds is behaving that is the issue, it's how you deal with it, so as long as you stick to your guns, remain calm and be consistent, it will get better, I promise. You are not a bad parent

[ScummyMummy]

oh tt! Poor you. He does sound wonderfully lively and curious (which i'm sure isn't any comfort when you've had a stessful outing like that!). It can be such hard work in groups if they're fab little live wires at this age, imo, because devlopmentally they just don't really understand in the slightest why what they're doing is sometimes an irritant/not on. Kids can't really understand about sharing properly/ not taking toys at all at 16 months, for example. And throwing things into a pond to make an interesting splash is again perfectly understandable and normal. He may be walking and grabbing but emotionally developmentally he is pretty much a baby still. It sounds like your monitoring and distraction techniques were just perfect to me and I think you're being awfully hard on yourself. I think maybe the older baby in a house of smaller ones has made things seem worse for you? All the other parents have this joy to come, remember!

[docket]

My ds is like this at 22 months. Sounds like your ds is just advanced for his age as all the children my ds' age are like he is! He's not stealing or a thief, just curious and normal. These other parents will soon be gawping in horror at their own, mark my words

[tigertum]

I've always been very proud of ho active my DS is, it was mainly other peoples comments that were getting me down. I caught a few mums talking about me and one pf them said 'I'm just telling them how patient you are'. Which was nice but still off the back of some 'that poor womam with her hyper-baby conversation'. I totally agree SM & AB, that he isn't capable of undertnding at his age - which is exactly why I hate telling him off. Maybe I should just put it down to a bad day. I've always enchouraged him to be active and independant, opting for taking him on on reins as soon as he was old enough and always enchouraging him to experience things.

It's just a bit hard when your baby is about 50 times more active then everyone elses - and then they play up. And the negitive comments aren't good either.

[foundintranslation]

not a bad parent at all tiger tum! ds is 15 months, has always been a bit of a livewire and is constantly on the go - trying to grab and touch things, banging his head on the floor with rage and frustration if we take something away from him or keep him apart from something dangerous - they're curious at this age, want to discover everything and can't understand why they might not be allowed. Don't think of it asplaying up, or a behaviour competition - Things do change beyond recognition in the space of a few months and soon the other mums will be experiencing this too. Don't worry!

[AllieBongo]

i would get nicer "friends" if i were you.. Come play at my house, then you'd see real carnage when my 2 fight like WWF wrestlers

[WideWebWitch]

He sounds normal tt, honestly, wait til the others at that party have walking toddlers rather than compliant babies!

Of COURSE he cried when someone took a toy away from him, that's a normal reaction, what was the other woman thinking of? They have no concept of ownership or time at that age and it's normal to have tons of energy. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, not at all and he sounds curious, active and just like a 16 month old. If you'd have been with more experienced parents I suspect you'd have had some help not dirty looks. Distraction works well at this age so if you want to take something away it's much easier to say 'hey look at this' while taking the thing away but personally I'm all for an easy life and don't take things away much. (Which is why my dd covered herself in Sudocrem recently while I was here and when I turned around and saw she said "NO, LOOK AT THAT TELEVISION (meaning my PC) )

[ScummyMummy]

Well, you sound like you are doing great with your little boy to me. Please don't feel badly. I promise the smug bystanders with younger babies have this all to come. That transition from slow manageable baby to tumulteous toddler hits almost every kid at some point be it at 1 year, 2 years, 3 or 4. There are about a million posts on here testifying to that. Mums of younger first babies just don't realise that yet and you mustn't take what they say to heart. They know not of what they speak in this one instance!

[ScummyMummy]

lol @ dd, www.

[merrily]

oh this sounds so familiar! my DD has transformed in the last couple of weeks from a nice quiet compliant baby into a raging toddler! she has had a growth spurt so now can reach all of the kitchen drawers, low shelves, climb onto the dining table and delights in throwing everything she can find across the floor and generally causing havoc.

We went round to visit a friend with a tiny newborn baby the other day and it gave my friend a bit of a shock! obviously their flat isn't baby-proofed yet so my DD spent the whole time we there tearing around the place pulling CDs and magazines onto the floor, climbing up onto tables, poking the baby and their poor cat! It was exhausting chasing after her. Next time I am going to invite my friend round to our house, so I can leave DD to roam around our baby-proofed living room and actually maybe have a decent conversation!

[PinkTulips]

agree with the others who've said those women are in for a shock in a few months when their babies transform!

it happens to them all and unfortunately if your toddler is quite energetic and curious like yours it can be exhausting and stressful.

it sounds like your doing everything just fine so try not to let what other moms say bother you and sit back and laugh when it happens to them!

if it makes you feel better dd is currently emptying every cupboard in the kitchen now that she's finished destroying the living room!

[docket]

I'm quite embarassed now to recall that I used to look at rampaging toddlers when I had a newborn and think 'oh, how awfully behaved'! Not so I now realise!

[Tatties]

TT, I could have written your post! In fact just the other day I took ds (nearly 17mths) to a group where the oldest baby was 7mths. Ds ran around causing havoc and I walked home a bit depressed wondering what the other mums thought of me! He has just suddenly gone hyper and immobile babies look like angels in comparison. I have found a trip to the park with lots of unrestricted running around seems to burn off a lot of his extra energy and makes the (boring, frustrating for him?) time we spend at home more bearable. This thread has reassured me that I haven't got an unruly child!

[ScummyMummy]

We all did it, docket! That's why tigertum shouldn't worry but give a knowing smile to the the (normal but wrong!) smug first timers.

[Tatties]

praction is the only thing that works for us too. "Oh look at that dog/cat/duck!" usually does the trick. But it is fruitless trying to reason or telling him not to do something. I just get totally ignored. Or I get "no, no, no, no, no"

[Tatties]

What happened there? Distraction!

[Tatties]

What happened there? Distraction!

[Sunnysideup]

tigertum, I think you are doing brilliantly - agree with what others have said about your friends being in the same position before they know it...keep your patience and understanding as you have been doing...well done...

I sympathise actually as my Ds was also incredibly active, I remember one visit to my mums when I tried to sit down about 50 times, and no word of a lie, my bum touched sofa for less than one second! It does get better...I found with my ds that he simply needed adult attention, I concentrated on playing with him rather than talking to other mums at groups etc. Obviously this wasn't ideal for me personally, but people do drift over eventually to talk to you if you stick with your child. And as I say this doesn't last forever, and you WILL get to the stage where you can watch him play happily and have a coffee and a chat!! I think he sounds lovely, and bright..

[Tatties]

Something up with my computer today

[tigertum]

Thanks so much for all your posts. Feel much better reading them. Psychobabble, I could have writen that post word for word (except DS is only biting me at the moment).

I was looking at DS running around the living room at a million miles an hour with a plastic ring in his mouth (looking very funny - a bit like one of those ornimental door knockers) and I though 'I wouldn't change you for the world'.

We have another party to go to on Friday, more or less the same people, in the home of a very well behaved 1 year old. I'm going to try really hard to enjoy myself this time and try and stop worrying about what other mums think.

Thanks again and LOL at your DS wickedwaterwitch !

[tigertum]

I'm very liberal with him and only like telling him 'no' or intervening if I absolutley have to. Being a first time mum, I do have days when I worry if this is the right tact to take and maybe I'm getting it wrong. That was one of those days. So thanks for the reasurance on that too

[lusciouslynda]

My HV says that tantrums are a normal developmental stage, you should sit back, smile and say "bring it on!"
Easier said than done? Probably, but it has helped me coped with my dd, who is a real drama queen.
You'll cope just fine. We all eventually do.

[threebob]

Read Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green - honestly it will make you feel better. Once you have read how self regulation is located in the frontal lobe and how this is really hardly developed at all in the under 2s - you will feel so much better.

He's really not stealing toys at 16 months old - he's just seen something he likes and has no concept of ownership - and whatever you do that's a bit down the track.

[threebob]

Tigermum - accept that your ds probably won't manage the whole party and leave when he has had enough. When it's time, don't muck about - just leave before it all goes pear shaped. Replace the toy he takes with another for the compliant baby (whose understands ownership even less).