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Behaviour/development

Lost it with my 3 year old, I feel so bad.

10 replies

Mummymonster · 24/08/2006 12:22

My DS who is a very headstrong, intelligent 3 yr old has just wound me up beyond reason, this morning he has been disobedient, has teased the neighbour's dog, been naughty to his grandand, bitten me and started to destroy his toys. I hit the end of my tether and shouted at him, to the point of ranting, put him in his room and told him when I came backI wanted to see a better, nicer little boy.

I feel really bad though. I was prone to shouting at him when he was smaller and I got to grips with that and haven't done it at all for a while. I knew that shouting would shock him and may be bring him to his senses. Basically I don't know if I've done the right thing by him or me for that matter.

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MrsFio · 24/08/2006 12:23

hmmm well you ARE only human!!! He sounds like he has been a little shit this morning. i dont think you need to feel guilty about shouting at him once ina blue moon and sending him to his room, my dear

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cupcakes · 24/08/2006 12:25

I wouldn't feel guilty. Sounds like he has been excessively naughty today.
You know yourself that you wouldn't have shouted at him if he hadn't been quite so naughty.

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motherinferior · 24/08/2006 12:27

Sweetie, apologise and move on. Three year olds are frequently maddening. Tell him you're sorry - that's important, I think - and then please don't beat yourself up about it.

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loopylou0612 · 24/08/2006 12:27

Bless you, I'm having the same kind of day with my dd. She really is pushing her luck and has been for about 3 days now. I'm putting it down to the terrible twos and the fact that she hasn't been to nursery in a little while (we're on holiday too).

You really shouldn't feel bad about shouting at him. As MrsFio says we are only human and if shouting is a way of calming the situation down then that has to be better than really losing it and slapping.

Just try to forget about it and move on. Chances are your lo probably doesn't even remember what he did, or the fact that you shouted at him.

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liquidclocks · 24/08/2006 12:30

at the risk of incurring the wrath of some of the more pacifist MNetters I think you having a shout once in a while at a child, who from the sounds of it has REALLY pushed it this am, is no bad thing. He needs to know when he's oversptepped the line and if you're generally really calm the difference in your reaction to him today will tell him that. If on the other hand there's a parent having a good ol'rant every day then I don't think that's on or very effective as then the child just gets used to it and doesn't know the difference from when they've been a bit naughty to alot naughty.

Don't feel bad, we all lose it sometimes. Probably the fact you feel bad is the best indicator that this is a normal occurence for you so don't worry - go and have a nice cuppa while he plays in his room for a bit and then go back to him all refreshed.

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castlesintheair · 24/08/2006 13:14

When it was really hot in July and we had all the windows/doors open, my DCs were really playing up one day. I bumped into one of my neighbours and I told him I'd just been shouting at my children and probably the whole street had heard. He was with a bloke who said "I wouldn't worry, that's why people have children" Put a humorous spin on the sitch and stopped me feeling guilty. Like others say, we are only human and as long as it doesn't become a daily (or hourly!) thing ...

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rabbitrabbit · 24/08/2006 13:31

Hello MM, I did exactly the same thing not so long ago-and almost immediately felt like the worst parent in the world. My ds looked so shocked and then he cried I still feel like a sh*t now just typing it.
However everybody I've confessed too-without exception-has said a) they've done it and b) they're not scarred for life so forget it.

You might also be feeling worse because as you say you were prone to it when he was younger? We've probably all got things we try not to do and then we do do them we feel worse-forgive yourself and forget about it, am sure he has

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Lizzie4 · 24/08/2006 14:53

Currently 7 months pregnant and my usual calm and patient manner has been replaced, at times, with some unreasonable, irrational mother with a very short temper.

Don't feel bad - children are without doubt very sensitive to any change in our moods and if we are finding things challenging, it can seem as though they are on mission "wind-up." Ignore it, move on and you can bet that he will too.

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Elibean · 24/08/2006 16:06

I'm a master at guilt-tripping myself, and have written similar posts.....give yourself a big hug and forgive yourself for being human straight away. I'm with MI on this one, I would also say sorry to my child for shouting - I think its really important that they see us be human and imperfect, I also think its important that they see us take responsbility for that, not beat ourselves up, and move on. Then, I think you should give yourself another big hug

Also, something MNers reminded me of (am still grateful) when I lost it with dd: a one-off losing-it will not break their trust. Repeated losing it is what could do that, NOT this!

And finally...I found it important to have some alternative strategies for repeat performances from dd up my sleeve, ones I'd feel like the good guy about

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Mummymonster · 25/08/2006 13:50

Well update...he got worse and worse, ended up walking round Tesco with him yowling and yelping and me saying 'just ignore him please, major tantrum in progress' His dad put it down to him 'being tired' but helped out when he got home.

I managed not to loose my rag again and when I gave him a hug and apologised for my outburst he hugged back and said 'sorry I naughty' which made me feel bad again. Thanks to all MNers for the support xx