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Behaviour/development

Will starving him work???

61 replies

Twinkie1 · 15/08/2006 08:53

Right am finally at the end of my tether regarding DS's (2 in Nov) eating.

He has a very limited diet due to the fact that he refuses to eat most things.

For breakfast he will either eat Cheerios or Sugar Puffs - he will eat weetabix but it seems to burn his bottom when it comes out of the other end!!! He will occasionally eat natural yog with banana and honey.

For lunch he may eat part of a sandwich but more often than not he will just chew it and spit it out - he will only eat cheese or jam no other fillings though and I would say if an eighth of the sandwich gets swallowed we have had a good day!!

For his evening meal he will only eat sausages, sometimes fish fingers or chicken strips and either chips or smiley faces. But I would say that again half of the 2 or 3 chips he eats and maybe a sausage are just chewed and spat out.

He will snack on feta cheese, bananas, satusumas (they will be chewed and spat out), cucumber, crisps, biscuits, raisins or fruit flakes.

I am seriously thinking of making him shepherds pie and good old gravy dinners and if he doesn't eat them just taking them away from him and letting him go without until the next meal. DH said I'm being a bit harsh and I should give him what he likes but other than it being an inconvienince I am worried that he isn't getting a propoerly balanced diet - I don't know why we have got to this stage though as DD eats everything you give her from curry to fajitas and I haven;t treated them any differently!!!

PLEASE HELP!!!

OP posts:
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StinkyPete · 15/08/2006 09:01

i'd be v tempted to try what you've suggested, but have no experince of this. i'm sure others willl be along shortly

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vitomum · 15/08/2006 09:01

it sounds as though he has a very small appetite. ms ds (just turned 2) is the same. It seems he can go for quite a few days eating hardly anything at all. He is pretty small and skinny but then has been second centile in weight and height since a few weeks old so he is not actually losing weight. i try not to stress too much about the ammount he eats but i try to focus more on the few bits he eats in a day being healthy. All summer we have been making ice lollies made with pureed rasberries and blueberries. He thinks they are a great treat and as long as he eats one i know he has probably had 3-4 fruit portions just through that. I would make your ds the old fashioned dinners if he enjoys them but if he doesn't then it will probably just make you more stressed and annoyed. the weetabix burning bottom things sounds a bit odd and maybe needs checked out?

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speedymama · 15/08/2006 09:07

Twinki

IMO, you should stop giving him snacks. I don't give my 2yo DTS anything between meals other than water and they eat what they are given. If they don't eat it then that is it. I take everything away and they have to wait until the next meal.

Trust me, your DS will not starve.

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Mum2FunkyDude · 15/08/2006 09:08

I have no experience, but once saw a programme on eating habits in toddlers. The expert said toddlers only eat about 2 tablespoons of food a day followed by a good meal every 48 hours? Maybe you can ask a nutritionist or someone with this experience in the NHS?

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morningpaper · 15/08/2006 09:09

Agree with speedymama. I have a very fussy (now nearly 4 year old). I think she has a lot of ISSUES with food - not liking textures etc. But I don't let her snack in between meals. I just cling-film up her last (refused) meal and offer that to her if she is hungry.

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Mum2FunkyDude · 15/08/2006 09:11

found this in a quick search.

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dewmeadow · 15/08/2006 09:12

I love the way people on MN will google for other people - v thoughtful

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StinkyPete · 15/08/2006 09:13

ooo, yes morning just realised i do that with 3yo. what he doesn't finish (if i feel he's been messing around) i put in a tupperwear (sp??) and offer him later. we often make this into a picnic which he finds funny enough to eat up!!

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SittingBull · 15/08/2006 09:16

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pepperrabbit · 15/08/2006 09:16

Twinkie - my DS (2 in May) has exactly the same menu, minus the feta cheese but plus apples!
I used to cry/shout/sulk/ignore him/take it away/force him to stay there/spoon every mouthful etc etc but I've stopped that. I just offer, and take away with no alternatives - to be fair he just doesn't seem to be hungry - he doesn't cry for cake or biscuits just wanders off.
We had a recent breakthrough with pizza (I never in a million years thought I would be thrilled when a child of mine liked pizza...) and I'm planning what to sneak into the tomato sauce base. Obviously he'll only eat cheese and tomato .
I'm sure it's something he'll grow out of, and he's a lot more relaxed about it now I'm less stressed,
I ocassionally sneak a Minadex tonic into his drink to keep his iron levels up (we call it "special squash).
You're not alone if that's a help.

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SittingBull · 15/08/2006 09:18

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Olihan · 15/08/2006 09:23

Ds went through a similar phase a while ago and to begin with I went with the 'oh he's not hungry, doesn't like it, etc', making excuses for him. Then I realised he was manipulating me because he'd demolish a huge portion of something he really liked, ie fish fingers.

I dealt with it the way others have, no snacks, offering him 1 choice at tea, if he didn't eat it he didn't have anything else. He went to bed hungry for 2 nights then realised it wasn't worth it and has been mainly fine ever since. He still tries it on occasionally but the threat of bed with no tea is enough to get him back on the straight and narrow!!

The thing that reassured me was reading that kids will not let themselves starve, they will eat when they have to.

The other thing that does work too, if he's being funny about trying something is to make a really OTT fuss about how nice my dinner is and ask if he wants to taste it. That quite often gets him over the first taste, especially if you have a pretend strop about him eating your dinner. DS thinks it's hilarious to eat my dinner when I'm saying 'Hey, that's my dinner, leave it alone!!'

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CatBert · 15/08/2006 09:32

My 2 yr old is like this, except I will make whatever everyone else is having, and if she doesn't eat it, she doesn't get anything else. Simple.

As someone else mentions below, she really does seem to eat very little for a couple of days and then will stuff her face with an emormous meal the next day.

I don't think you're being harsh to worry about his diet. I also don't think that a limited diet is so utterly dreadful, as long as most of the things in it are good Satsumas will eventually be eaten and not spat out... Also - lots of children at this age begin the spitting out thing. It's a bit yukky, but it seems like a phase.

Buy really nice sausages, try making your own chicken dippers and fish fingers (really easy and really yum) and bake some potato wedges. This way you are giving him the same stuff, but you know it's good!

And yesterday I made pizzas with three 4yr olds and my 2 year old - and it was so much fun! I roasted some veg with honey, whizzed it up and mixed it into the tomato sauce (yurm) and then got some other bits (brocolli - yes, indeed), sweetcorn, chopped chicken etc, all in little bowls and they all rolled their dough (ready mix bread dough - easy as pie), spread their sauce, piled on the toppings and it's amazing what they'll eat because they made it themselves!!!

Sorry for long post. Got carried away

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lilmamma · 15/08/2006 09:37

My youngest started,by only eating certain foods,he is the youngest of 5.he is now 8,and im still having problems with him.I was told its a phase,by the doctors and health visitors,well id like to know when this phase will end.Even the hospital was no help,star chart,same meal as everyone else or starve,he is so stubborn,he just didnt bother to eat.we rarely eat out as a family,went yesterday with ed and her ss who is 9 and my 8 year old,her ss had chicken burger,chips and peas,mine had a plate of nuggets,wow!! must admit they were lovely,all pure chicken breast.Then after choccie sponge and custard for 9 year old,mine had 3 mouthfulls of ice-cream..I might try the minadex,can you taste it as he is so suspicous of anything new,or if he can taste an after taste.He had a taster day in school and was delighted he licked a carrot,i felt like crying!!he stayed dinners,no use,he would come home starving.I now just do him the usual ,i do try to say just try,but he is so adamant i dont know what to do.sorry to have gone on,but i know where it can lead,hopefully you will have better luck lol

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blueshoes · 15/08/2006 09:44

Twinkie1, your description of your ds' diet sounds a lot like my dd's 2.10 when she is at home. At least your ds seems to eat healthy food - my dd intersperses hers with smarties and cakes. I have given up trying to cook her things like spagetti or shepherd's pie because she will almost certainly reject it outright and I get upset whilst it grows mouldy in the fridge.

But once every few days, she will suddenly develop an interest in what is on our plates and scoff down proper food.

And for some reason, she eats very well in nursery and at her grandmas. But she won't do that at home.

Mealtimes can be such a power struggle I have no appetite for. I just trust that she will eat what she requires over the course of a week. She is still outgrowing her clothes, has regular poos and is not overly skinny. So I think it will be alright. Dh and I are completely into our food, so dd can only pick it up at some later stage, when she feels ready to be more adventurous/accepting.

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tortoiseshell · 15/08/2006 09:58

lilmamma, my 5 year old is a bit like yours - we tried him on school dinners, and he would just sit sadly by the plate and not eat anything at all - for half a term! So he has packed lunches 4x a week, and school dinner on Friday, as he loves fish and chips!

With ds starving him would not work at all - when he gets hungry he can't eat, and he can't eat much at a time, so he has to graze through the day (I've tried the 'no snacks' and it took a bad situation through to being a nightmare!). He is very slowly increasing the foods he will eat, but his diet is SO limited.

He will eat...
Breakfast - crunchy nut cornflakes or toast with nothing (not even butter) on it, or chocolate spread if we're on holiday!

Lunch - at home, a lemon curd sandwich or a cheese sandwich - doesn't eat the crusts, just eats the bread out the middle. Will also eat a handful of grapes. If at school, he also has 2 or 3 cocktail sausages, and probably a biscuit.

Tea - we have about 4 meals he likes - shepherds pie with peas (I chuck in baked beans into the mince which seems to make it nicer for him), or pasta with peas and melted cheese, fish and chips/pasta/potato waffles/smiley faces again with peas/baked beans, or cheese on toast with baked beans. He will occasionally eat a sausage!

Dd, who has been treated exactly the same will literally eat anything. At all!!!!

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Sugarpop · 15/08/2006 10:19

Just remember whichever method you choose no child will ever starve themselves to illness or worse! Now have a huge teenage son who eats just about anything, the more adventurous the better who for 2 years would only eat fromage frais, cheese, tomato and cucumber! Just make sure anything you do offer is "good" food not processed so he doesn't get too used to high fat high salt and sugar foods.

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morningpaper · 15/08/2006 11:14

Although a lot of people will say "no child will starve themselves" I found that mine is happy NOT to eat for a few days (i.e. she doens't eat anything at nursery) but her behaviour will deteriorate and she won't sleep, so I always make sure she has something she WILL eat (usually dry wholemeal bread) before she sleeps, or if she is clearly behaving badly due to lack of food.

Most of the time she is okay though, will nibble small amounts and seems to survive, although she is very small and skinny.

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ratclare · 15/08/2006 11:43

well your son sounds just like my 12 yr old ! he wont eat sausage ends though and his diet is severly restricted by his refusal to eat anything but rubbish. However i cannot remember the last time he was ill ,never gets colds ,very occasionally sick ,but given the state his fingernails are usually in its a miracle he hasnt been struck down by beri beri. At the end of the day you are more worried than he is about eating ,ask yourself when was the last time he was ill ? If you cant remember then i really wouldnt worry too much , introduce things and be prepared for him to love things one week and hate them the next(usually when youve filled the freezer with it)

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ilovecaboose · 15/08/2006 11:59

MP I have to agree with you over 'no child will starve themselves' thing. It is meant to be comforting but sadly enough some kids will.

My ds has gone 3-4 days without food until I have given in. He is not yet 2 and was refusing to drink milk at the time as well. I gave in in the end because I was so worried.

Sorry to hijack your thread with a rant. ITs just ds has terrible eating problems (is now 22 months and this has been going on since he turned 1) and 'starving' him (after being given that advice by everyone I knew including GP - all except my lovely HV) made his problems much worse and lost all the progress we made. It has taken us about 6 months to gain it back.

It is really hard work with a child like this but you have to keep plugging away with small steps. One meal at a time. They will get there eventually but bear it mind it will not happen overnight. Sorry.

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poopy · 15/08/2006 12:07

DD often goes to bed without dinner. She is very picky. But that is the one meal where I won't pander to her tastes - I cook one meal in the evening for all of us and if she doesn't eat it then tough.
I make sure I give her what she wants for breakfast (within reason obviously - not chocolate ) - usually weetabix or toast with jam or vegemite.
Lunch is slivers of ham, bits of cheese and a bite of apple and a spoon of yoghurt - I do offer other stuff but she won't eat it.
I make sure her snacks are healthy - fruit, fruit and more fruit - oh, and crackers and hummus or bits of cheese, microwave popcorn - that sort of thing.
The only proper dinner she will wolf down is spaghetti bolognese and sometimes shepherd's pie so we have that once a week.

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Overrun · 15/08/2006 12:07

I have posted the other day about my fussy three year old, so read this thread with interest. Have tried most of the suggestions, so maybe I am doing all I can do, and maybe I don't do them for long enough? Who knows?
I agree with morning paper, that some children who are particularly stubborn will not eat for days. Last week ds1 had one bowl of weatabix in three days. He became very stroppy and tired, so I find that the strategy of giving him nothing doesn't really work.
My sister who is 22 and a very fussy eater says keep trying with him, she wishes my parents had kept goig with her, as she now says that she has a very limited amount food that she will eat. I actually think she needs to take some responsiblity for that as an adult, but do think that some fussy chlildren turn into fussy adults. Thats why it's so hard to chill about, like I have promised various posters to do

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Overrun · 15/08/2006 12:09

Twinkie 1, forgot to say, good luck with your son, hope he makes some progress soon, if he does, let me know how you did it

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poopy · 15/08/2006 12:10

of course, I don't send her to bed without dinner as a punishment.
Dinner is put on the table. We sit down. She looks at it and says, "My want my dinner mummy" (Which means, I DON'T want my dinner). All we ask is that she sits with us for a while. After five minutes and maybe a teeny taste which is spat out she leaves the table and we carry on eating.
Can't be bothered with the fight.

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adath · 15/08/2006 13:08

I was THE fussiest eater in the world as a child. I mean for example I loved bacon but that was it only bacon, ate toast and drank milk that was it literally... then i liked ausages yay thought my mum two things she will eat...nope did not like bacon anymore.
I would go through phases of loving things lke cabbage and other veg but that item was pretty much all i would eat.
Now at the age of nearly 30 (sshhh) I eat almost anything, I am maybe more picky than others but I eat a huge variety of foods and have a god balanced diet now. DP is also fussier than others too and he has horrible memories of being made to eat food he hated ie wrapped up till the next meal or there was nothing else.
My mum never made a big deal she gave me the things that I would eat and never forced me into things I never and i have a reasonably healthy relationship with food but DP's is no so healthy.
MIL made such a big deal about forcing him to eat things keeping it for later etc that he now lears every meal even if he is full and has even made himself feel sick by forcing down food he does not want. He has put on and lost weight through all of this.

I sometimes feel that food is such a neccessary part of life that the less of a deal that you make of it the better I am so concious of avoiding any food issues in our house because these are issues that can live with you forever.

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