How do i stop ds 2.5 from hitting 8wk baby?

[Dunnyjo]

Sounds awful but i dont know how to stop him. I do involve ds1 with me and when i am feeding i will read to him. Alot of the time he is very loving and kisses him and likes to hold him. i let him by sitting with him but sometimes if ds2 is in the bouncy chair he walks up and hits him. It happens so quickly and out of no where.
I have a stair gate put up between the living rrom and kitchen so i can seperate them when i need to do things. However there are always times i am totally un prepared. Its hard when i have my hands full feeding! Any advice would be very grateful

[Notquitesotiredmum]

Hi there

No great words of wisdom but huge sympathy on this one. We have a three year gap between our dss, but lots of friends who have a two year gap have gone through this. Having a sibling arrive is, of course, a time of huge emotional adjustment, and two year olds find very clear ways of expressing their feelings - hugging, kissing and hitting. At least he is doing it when you are watching, so that you can respond. It's harder when its done sneekily, out of view.

He's also testing your reactions. Is this baby real? Do we really have to be nice to him all of the time? Does mum love him more than me?

I think that you are doing the right thing watching them and separating them if you can't watch. However, there will always be opportunities for ds1 to sneak in a quick smack. And so how you respond is the key. You don't want to overreact, and suggest that the baby is soooo fragile, that you won't have time for ds1, who is probably feeling quite fragile now, anymore. But it's an opportunity to state what is obvious to us - how we have to look after babies and people who are littler than us. I had one friend who ignored it completely and her ds1 did stop hitting the baby of his own accord, when no-one made a fuss, but I certainly couldn't have done that. I would react in the same way as if my ds1 hit anyone else. He'd get an explanation when it first happened and then I would use the naughty step if it continued, making sure that he got lots of praise when behaving well and lots of attention at other times.

As I say, no great words of wisdom, but a few thoughts to start the ball rolling for you.

[Jazzi]

Hi Dunnyjo - we went through this when our 2nd ds was born. We had a 2 yr gap, and ds1 would suddenly lash out and hit his brother. All I can say is try and ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good (I know this can be VERY difficult!), and I tried to keep them separated if I was going out the room, usually taking ds1 with me so I could keep an eye on him. It does get better, ds's now get on quite well, but we did have to really work at it. Another good tip was when ds2 is asleep, spend that time with ds1 - play a game or read, just spend some QT time. This helped us!! Good luck

[warriorprincess]

Hi,

I am new here, and just wanted some advice.
We have a 2 year old son, and have decided to go ahead and try for a second child. We are quite nervous, as it seems very daunting as we are just starting to find life easier, and the thought of bringing a new born into the equation seems madness. However, our hearts point to another baby, so, has anyone got any reassurance/ positive points to give me regarding having two children instead of one?
Thanks

[Wacker]

We have 2.5 years between DS1 and DS2 and had all the hitting, pushing and general jealously for a while - I think it actually got worse for a while when DS2 got mobile and could actually wreck games. That was really tough for DS1 - it genuinely must be annoying to have someone constantly wreck your track or drawing !
But even though DS2 is only 15 months now, they really do have a laugh together. I am glad the jealously came out of DS1 and he learnt how to handle it. Jealously is something all humans have at all ages, whether a brother or sister or a friend or a neighbour, so bring it on - it is inevitable !

[Dunnyjo]

Thanks for your replies. Feel more at ease its not just me!
I must admit my reactions dont help sometimes, usually whn i hae had enough. I dont think i help matters by shouting but in this weather and so much to do its so difficult. I am still grieving (my mum died at the end of january this yr) However i have been reading supper nanny book and i have been trying out the 'naughty step' (in the hall though, he runs up and down the stairs! ) i only used it twice but the second time i shouted like i do and put him there (he had his toy plyers and squeesed really hard on babys toes! i was feeding at the time and i did warn him not to go there!)
I knew i would have it hard at times but i never thought for one minute id have this problem. I know i need to react differentley as shouting does nothing (just lets the steam escape from my ears)

[warriorprincess]

Hi Wacker,
Thanks for reply(I think it was for me aswell?) I agree with you that the jealousy will exist whatever the relationship/age etc, so its all a part of growing and learning.
We have deliberately left it until now, and are hoping it isnt too bigger gap for them to play together in a few years.
I am sorry for the mum who said about the baby's toes getting the plyers, I think you are right what you said about shouting, it doesnt really work, and maybe a different approach will have more impact.
However, I have no idea what its like to have two (yet)....watch this space!

[kittywits]

Also Wp it does depend to an extent on the nature of the older sib. I've had ones that give a little poke, ones that attack whenever my back's turned and ones that are always very gentle. Wait to see what happens when the time comes.

[Yummymum1]

Warrierprincess,go for it!!I felt the same as you when ds1 was 2 as i knew i wanted 2 but was happy with my life and we actually HAD a bit of a life!We had ds2 and it was hell on earth for about 8months due to ds1s jealousy but now i wouldnt have it any other way as they get on so well and to hear them laughing together(usually over something naughty!)is so lovely.Ds1 is 5 and ds2 is 3 now.They amuse each other and i have to say that now that means i am able to get on with things a bit more.Having 2 children is more than double the effort at the beginning but it pays off and they really do love each other.Good luck

[warriorprincess]

Thankyou so much for the replies. I liked the 'go4 it' ! I think we are going to have to dive into the unknown. We are just nervous. I know the support that exists in forums such as these, so I have joined in plenty of time to take advantage of this.
I had pretty bad time when first pregnant last time, and I am hoping it will be different second time around ( with the support of women who know what they're talking about) x

[Notquitesotiredmum]

Hi Warriorprincess

Another 'go for it' from me. We nearly didn't have no 2 as we felt as you do, but had set our hearts on a sibling for ds1. It has been hard work in lots of ways having two, but we have never never regretted it. It was brilliant early on as ds1 helped to look after his baby (a three year gap helps a lot) and it is so lovely seeing them play and laugh together now (almost wish the gap was a little less now). I watched a schools programme on tv last week when off work ill and 5 year olds were describing the day their little brother or sister was born. It was soooo beautiful - they were all so bowled over by their new babies (even though they will try to bite/fight/hit later on).

Best of luck!

[warriorprincess]

Thanks notquitesotiredmum....(great name)....I have been to docs today for general check and we will be going ahead (aaaarggh) Im nervous and excited. You will all have to remind me I am doing the right thing when/if I have concieve(d). I think I am a bit scared of the pregnancy due to complications last time, and obviously the first weeks when that lack of sleep is back. I am just going to have to 'do it' and cope, as we know we want another one, we just wish we knew we would be able to cope (well, me mainly, as I am alone mon - fri days). I coped with one, so I guess it will be the same but way harder at first, and as you said, it will become easier when they are older and play together.Thanks again for the advice. I am going to stick around and read the other threads and find useful info and will let you know if I have any news!