Oh damn I've messed up

[Katymac]

DD is having some counselling about the bullying she has been having

Today they decorated a tshirt to wear in the parade on saturday

We came home and decorated another for her BF who is going with her

She then skribbled all over hers - it looks a total mess

I have said she can't wear it and managed to get another tshirt - but my mum says I should let her wear the ruined one

She has had total meltdown and gone to bed crying

I feel such a bad mum and I'm not quite sure why?

[SecurMummy]

No, you are not a bad mum, but it is easy to feel that way when things go wrong.

I don't know what to suggest but if you think that this was an overload type reaction rather than naughtiness then I don't think she should be made to wear the ruined one - if it is "badness" then I would rather stop her going at all than allow her to be embarresed in frount of her friends IYSWIM.

[hairymclary]

why did she scribble on it? If that's how she wanted it to look then you should let her wear it like that.

[Katymac]

She has written words - spelt them wrong and written over the top

She is just so frustrating when she is like this

[KBear]

Sounds like overload to me, she wanted to get it right but got it wrong and scribbling was her frustration coming out. I would get her another Tshirt and help her do it again but maybe tell her she has to pay for the new one from her pocket money, just to make the point!

[KBear]

Sounds like overload to me, she wanted to get it right but got it wrong and scribbling was her frustration coming out. I would get her another Tshirt and help her do it again but maybe tell her she has to pay for the new one from her pocket money, just to make the point!

[WigWamBam]

Do you think it might be a reaction to the counselling? If so then your mum is wrong, she shouldn't be made to wear the ruined one. If she used it as an outlet for her frustrations then it shouldn't be for public viewing.

It's frustrating - but she's been through a lot recently and that and the counselling are bound to be having an effect on her. I'd treat her a bit gently over this, to be honest.

[hairymclary]

oh bless her, it sounds like the kind of thing i would have done as a child. I would ask her what she wants to do, don't tell her you think it looks a mess, she may think it looks ok and you don't want her to feel like you think she has done it wrong iyswim?
I would just say to her, do you want to wear it, or shall we make another one seeing as you had to write over the first one?

[Katymac]

But I've already done all the shouting and the "you can't wear that" "you made me do it"?

"look at BF's - It's lovely" "I'm useless I always do the worng thing"

"lets do another one" "no [counsellor} & I did this one and you spoilt it"

I just feel like cr*p

[hairymclary]

ok then in the morning just sit down with her and say something along the lines of "I'm sorry I upset you last night and made you feel like you had done your t-shirt wrong. If you want to wear it you can, or I will help you make another one"

[KBear]

yeah, backtracking is always fine, we all say things in the heat of the moment. Go up to her now and say something like "sorry I was cross but I thought you would be upset that you ruined it. so... what do you want to do about it". Let her decide but I would hold her to the pocket money thing so she learns the consequences ... maybe?

[SecurMummy]

I think it is definitly one for "letting the dust settle" and see how she feels in the morning. She sounds like she is having a really hard time and hitting out - and as always it is Mum who gets the brunt of it

Perhaps she will have come round in the morning, you have done the cross bit so just let that go and try not to feel bad, the reason they hit at you is because they know you will still love them tomorrow, it is the safe way to vent.

Would send you a hug, but am not sure if you are a huggy person - so take whatever comforting thingy I can give you

[Katymac]

Oh I'm definatley a huggy person

Tho' normally I'm doing the hugging rather than receiving them

Guilt is a terrible thing

[SecurMummy]

[SecurMummy]

Guilt is natures tool to make sure that parents don't abandon thier children you know!

If we always feel we havn't done well enough we will always try harder IYSWIM!

[Katymac]

That's what it's for.....I always wondered

[SecurMummy]

You mean you have never thought "I would throw the towel in now if only I wouldn't feel so bad..."

No? Just me then

[stoppinattwo]

SecurMummy sometimes think Id throw every bloody towel in the house in and the washing basket too.

Then you see their faces either sleeping or peeping at you and the guilt is there.

No huni your not the only one.

[Katymac]

Oh no - I can totally relate to the abandonment senario....in fact I don't know why I haven't left home

[SecurMummy]

How are things now?

[Katymac]

She's asleep

I have a headache

I'm writing a proposal to open a nursery

I'm doing it badly

[but thanks for asking]

[SecurMummy]

Hiya,

I hope things were ok this morning and she went off happy, leaving you to complete your superb business plan (because we know it will be even if you don't!)

[Katymac]

She has calmed down

The counsellor is letting/helping her do another one before the parade (along with doing one for her dad - as a sorry)

So it has all blown over

(btw the consellor also said she could not wear it as it was so bad)

Her BF is really upset by the whole thing and was in tears half of last night too