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Behaviour/development

clever 3 yo causing headaches (bit long)

5 replies

pippapepper · 12/07/2006 22:18

Hi,

I'm actually a bit emnbarrassed about posting this and I'm using a different name to usual. I really really don't want this to turn into a competitive 'my kid's smarter than yours' thing which is really why I can't discuss it with any of the mums I know.

Anyway, my ds1 is 3.8. He's been going to preschool since September (4 mornings) and really likes it but the staff have raised some concerns about his behaviour. Tbh it all sounds like fairly normal 3yo stuff, like screaming loudly at story time, fiddling with the girls hair bobbles, refusing to get out from under the table, and sometimes he behaves really well, but it's still a worry. He bit a child last week, and hit another for no reason and this is what's got me writing here. The staff are great and seem to be doing a great job with him but they are saying that part of the problem may be because he's very bright and he's bored.

I've never really thought about him being intelligent or not and I've never hothoused him beyond the normal reading stories, talking to him etc that we all try to do. He's my oldest child and while I can see he's not daft I can't compare him easily to any other kids. Honestly, I love him to bits but he's not always easy to be with. He has no friends at school yet although he seems to enjoy being with other kids and he's pretty good with ds2. He can be really annoying and very disruptive at times but I think he's still within normal limits!

Anyway, talking about having a bright child seems to be a bit showing off but I'm looking for some advice from anyone else in this position. What should I be doing to make sure he gets the most out of school? Even though the teachers are very supportive they say they've never had a kid as bright as ds1 and they're having to do their homework too. He can read already but they won't even start teaching phonics to the class for another 12 months and I'm worried he's going to get really bored. I don't even know what problems we've got ahead. I wouldn't send him to a private school even if I could afford it. What if he can't fit in and make friends?
I'd love to hear anyone else's experiences please!

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wannaBe1974 · 13/07/2006 09:54

can they do the work that is for the older childre with your ds? there was a mix-up at my ds' preschool where it turned out they thought ds was 4 instead of 3 and had been doing the phonics/etc with my ds when he shouldn't actually be doing it till next year - he's top of even the 4 year olds so it turned out not to be an issue. but worth speaking to the preschool to see if they can do this?

I try not to think of a child a

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coppertop · 13/07/2006 10:00

I don't understand why they won't do any phonics work with him. At ds2's pre-school all the children sit together on the carpet to do the actions for each letter sound. They have fun doing it even if they don't all remember them later. The youngest children are 2yrs 6mths.

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foxinsocks · 13/07/2006 10:07

I think they can't manage his behaviour and tbh in your situation, I'd probably look for another pre-school. Maybe this one is just not structured enough for him. Until I had my kids, I was totally of the opinion that the children had to get on wherever they were but having had experience of many pre-schools now, I think at that age, there are definitely ones that suit some children and not others.

And I don't mean this negatively, but no matter how bright he is, eventually he will need to learn the necessary social skills - alot of boys have these sorts of problems at his age so I would look for a more structured pre-school and perhaps work on having children round to play etc. etc. Good luck!

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morningpaper · 13/07/2006 10:15

I agree that a more structured pre-school might be better, or a private nursery.

Did he attend nursery or anything BEFORE pre-school? Or music-with-mummy type things? It sounds as though he needs to learn how to behave in a structured/more formal environment.

You say you can't afford a private school but what about a private nursery for a morning or two a week? That wouldn't cost much or anything with his vouchers.

My dd is also 3.5 and she attends a nursery which is very structured which six "lessons" a day - I have seen preschools and they seem extremely unstructured and mob-like in comparison!! They are really just play sessions and not very stimulating. I am sticking with the nursery. The staff set milestones and learning targets so she isn't bored.

BTW You saw he has learnt to read, but did you teach him this or did someone else? How do you know he can read?

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pippapepper · 13/07/2006 14:25

Hmmm, maybe I should look for a different pre-school. The one he's at is our local one and he does enjoy it, but even so..... I'm a full time mum so this is the first time he's been left regularly but we've been going to playgroups and music classes since he was a baby.

The reading thing - we bought some fridge magnet letters when ds1 was 18 months old, he asked me what each one was and by 20 months he could name them all. More recently he would ask me what an individual word in his story said and I would get him to say each letter in turn then show him how to merge the sounds to make the word, c-a-t = cat etc. He can do this on his own now so he can spell out simple words like dog, yummy, dark. Yesterday he read 'cookbook' from one of my recipe book covers and just needed telling how to pronounce it properly.
Also yesterday he was driving me demented with questions so I told him he had to count to 129 (number picked randomly) before he asked any more and bless him he did.

Does anyone know about montessori schools - can you use vouchers there? Are they any good? He clearly needs lots of input from a sympathetic teacher and time with other children.

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