my hv has really upset me!

[jollyfolly]

when ds was first born we had a fantastic hv who never questioned what i was doing and was always really supportive. however she went of sick at christmas and up until today (apart from mmr) i have not seen anyone. So today i met the stand in hv who just popped round to introduce herself and see how things were going. when talking about the fact that i still bf my 14 month old she commented 'well it is fine if that's what you want to do but you do realise the longer you leave it before you stop the harder it will be for ds'..... will it be harder?????????
on doing his growth measurments she said 'well his weight has slowed down a bit, he is very long and his head measurements have slowed down to....but i should'nt worry about it'...... should i worry or not? why comment if it is not a worry.
after reading his red book after she had gone she had written 'covered in lesions'.... firstly they are not lesions they are eczema and he is not covered all over it is just on both his arms.... to say covered in lesions could mean anything to someone who does not know us ie lesions from cigarette burns lesions from bruises etc...
and finally when ds was 10 months old he was still sleeping in bed with me and waking hourly with the only means of getting him back to sleep being a quick bf, needless to say i was exhausted and beginning to feel quite ill (am also a single perent so do not have much help) as i had started back at work i really needed to do something to get him sleeping better, i had always been anti controlled crying for various reasons but when all else failed and with some advice and support from here that is what we did, it took two days (lots of tears from me) and now he is sleeping in his cot waking only once a night, much brighter in himself and is eating really well so despite my (still) reservation i guess you could say it was a success, hv said 'i am not a fan of cc, no other animal shoves their baby on the other side of the room and expects it to cope on its own, i always worry about the long term effects on the child when using cc'......... Thanks alot!!!! Maybe if i had had a bit more support from you guys in the first place (when i was really desperate i could never get hold of them on the phone) i might not have had to resort to cc in the first place, now i am going to think his every little insecurity is down to me because i used cc to get him to sleep!!!!

sorry bit long but best to get it off your chest.... am i over reacting???

[YeahBut]

No, you're not. She sounds incredibly insensitive - ignore her.

[sparklemagic]

oh, jolly, I wish I could come round NOW and give you a hug (but sorry, I am too busy throwing a brick through this woman's window ).

Don't listen to ANY of this. I'm sure you aware of the many complaints on here about HV's; there certainly seem to be many that are simply not up to the job. Indeed what IS the job actually?? To undermine and confuse it seems, to some HV's anyway!

I would really totally ignore what she said; you sound like you have done a grand job. Many, many people have done a limited amount of CC, I did with my DS and I feel the benefits to the child of having on-going better nights FAR outweigh one or two nights of crying.

The only thing I would do is see your GP, asap, purely about her comment re: the lesions. I would let him see your DS, then ask him to correct what is written (or to watch you correct it) in the book. This shouldn't go unchallenged as it is incorrect information re: your DS.

good luck, I'm sure the GP will see you for an emergency appt if you do decide you want to do this.

[7up]

ask for a different health visitor, my sister had problems with her one being v.insensitive when she had a still born and is now very happy with her new one.

my own health visitor has no kids of her own andsome of the comments she makes make me die!if she had kids im sure she'd be more understanding and not so bloody righteous.

im a lone parent too and it is hard work and my son still sleeps in my bed at 21months as he wakes at night a lot (medical issues going on)

congratulations on the controlled crying, you did well managing that on your own without a partner to back you up.

[gothicmama]

ignore her, I bf dd til 18 mths it was harder for me than her to stop. CC is ok he's in bed and you get up for him in the night so his needs are being met . Growth charts do not reflect bf baies growth so don't worry and as said before see gp about amending comments or if you can't get gp appointment speak to th practice manager

[jollyfolly]

think i will definately get the gp to change what is written in his red book.... although had'nt thought before but we have been to see him several times lately because the eczema gets inf so at least he is aware of it!
thanks also for telling me i am not over reacting, thought for a minute it might be my hormones or something
I think i am mostly upset about the cc comments as i already has reservations about it and probably did not need some one coming in to reinforse my concerns, it went against all my 'motherly' instincts to do it but physically and emotionally did not know what else to do at the time.
Feel bad moaning about hv on here because really and truely my first hv was fantastic and could not do enough for me, would spend ages at the house in the first few weeks when i would sit and cry (ds had a few health probs in the early days) for no obvious reason and was just generally full of empathy, the one that came today (although nice enough in herself) was just massively opinionated and made me feel i had to justify everthing i did with/for ds.... the only thing she was positive about was the fact that i am bringing him up (until he decides otherwise) as a veggie (who eats fish), this she thought was fantastic.... guess what she is a vegartarian!

[Toady]

it makes me so angry when I hear stories like this, refuse to see this woman again!

Good idea to go and see your GP.

I think it is brilliant that you are breastfeeding at 14 months, I wish I was, I read a while ago that the WHO recommended breastfeeding up to the age of 2 and that the average time of woman breastfeeding their children (over the world) is 4.something years

Chin up, I was a single parent for about 4 years and I know how difficult it is - no one to bounce things off - if you know what I mean.

Good job you have got MN

[Rosieglow]

I agree with sparkle about getting your red book corrected. It will help make the point to your practice that she's not just insensitive but incompetant too.
& while you're there, ask the GP for a referal to a dermatologist on the excema. Our local one had a support group going where you could meet up with other mums and babies which was really useful for swapping tips on treatments etc.

It sounds like you doing great with the bf - just ignore her.

[Astrophe]

she sounds like a witch.

and you sound like a lovely mum.

[AaronsMummy]

Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, keep it up and get rid of your HV. There are enough daily worries being a parent without thoughtless, stupid input from someone who should know better and should be there to help and support you.

[jollyfolly]

thank you all, was a bit worried you might think i was being a bit 'over sensitive',it definately helps to talk on here..... ironically ds was totally enchanted by her and kept running off to get her toys to play with.... he rarely does that for anyone!!!
rosieglow, thanks re the eczema advice will ask tomorrow (when i go to get the book changed) about a dermatologist/support group.... so far none of the creams seem to help and i cant think of anything in his diet that seems to make it worse so would be useful to chat to some other people with the same problem.

[KBear]

You sound like you know what you're doing - don't let her silly comments undermine your confidence. HV or not, some people don't know when to keep quiet and have to pass judgement on everyone else. Ignore her.

[SSSandy]

I didn't find it too bad really, but then maybe I'm just used to worse!

I think the point about the lesions should be addressed but apart from that I'd try and shrug it off, it isn't worth getting stressed out about really. The world is full of people who speak without thinking things through first.

If you have contact to her again, make your mind up beforehand to be strong. Nowadays I can do the "don't mess with me voice". I would say "I am entirely confident that what I am doing is the right thing for my child," fullstop. What I would like you to check/advise me about is....."

Must say Germany has toughened me up no end.

[Pernod]

Hi Jolly Folly, Good for you for still bf! Are you still enjoying this lovely experience? I've had 4 different hv with my 3dd's and only 1 of them has been lovely. I take every-thong they say with a pinch of salt. They just so love to be the authorative in control but they are so not!!
Just carry on doing what sounds to be a great job in being a brill mum
xx

[jollyfolly]

just to let you know.... gp changed wording in my red book and said that it was just 'medical jargon' type talk but could see why i was not happy about it..... also said that i do not have to see the hv again until ds has his two yr check and they are hoping my original hv will be back from sick leave then... hoorah!!! he said if i needed anything in the mean time i can always pop in to see the docs which should'nt be a problem for me as being a hoplessly neurotic mum i tend to visit quite often anyway...
thanks again.... am not quite so cross now!