7 month baby crying- neighbour complaint

(55 Posts)
stressed8132 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:07:10

My 7 month little boy is causing my neigbour to complain. She has been complaining for months. He does cry a lot but not as much as she is making out. He has colic and reflux. At the moment he is also teething. She says he is crying for hours and hours. I told her if this was the case could she please record it so that she has proof. He is getting really soft because I have to pick him up as soon as he crys because she comes round complaining, the problem is he wants picking up all the time now. Im not unreasonable, I understand a baby crying can be distressing and i do try to keep it to a minimum. Im starting to feel stressed out- she told me she had 3 children and they never cried like mine- and that he isnt normal. That I should take him to a doctor. The problem is she likes a drink and its always when she is hungover. Her daughter in law is a teacher at my daughters school and I have been told they have been discussing me and the teacher has given the neigbour information about my daughters progress at school. Can anyone offer any advice. Im at my wits end.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 11-Nov-13 13:09:51

First of all it's not your problem she's hungover.

Secondly. Babies cry she needs to get over it. You can't help colic or reflux and he's gonna cry if you hold him or put him down I doubt there's a lot you can do tbh.

DontWannaBeObamasElf Mon 11-Nov-13 13:10:44

First of all I'd be complaining to the school regarding the breach of confidentiality.

Babies cry, can't do much about it. Maybe tell her that her constant complaining is stressing you out and the baby is picking up on it. Might shut her up for a few days.

stressed8132 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:11:02

Not sure how to edit - so will just add a little more. Today I went shopping I only came in at 10.55 from shopping baby was hungry crying for his bottle- I went in the kitchen leaving baby in the hall (totally on the other side of the house from hers) and at 10.59 she was hammering on the door complaining.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 11-Nov-13 13:14:58

Document all the times she comes round then speak to someone regarding harassment. Fgs of she can't hack this what's she gonna do when he's a toddler and stomping up stairs or screaming because a fly looked at him wrong or his socks are the wrong color.

DontWannaBeObamasElf Mon 11-Nov-13 13:15:28

She sounds like an absolute twat.

stressed8132 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:16:16

Thanks its nice to think others are on the same train of thought as me. I thought I may be being unreasonable. She threatened to report me to Social Services today :-( Im really angry at the moment. My health visitor has told me to let him cry himself to sleep and to do controlled crying but I have no chance of doing that - she would have a field day.

hettienne Mon 11-Nov-13 13:17:13

Babies do cry, so she has to live with it - but it struck me that you said that "He is getting really soft because I have to pick him up as soon as he crys" - of course you have to pick him up when he cries confused

MomentForLife Mon 11-Nov-13 13:17:48

How dare they breach confidentiality about your DD like that!

I don't know what to say about the complaining, you sound like you're doing your best and it's not like you can reason with a little baby. What exactly is she getting at? That you are letting him cry, implying that your a bad Mum or something?

It could be that daughter in law hasn't said anything, she might just be a weirdo and want to worry you.

Gileswithachainsaw Mon 11-Nov-13 13:18:00

Forget about her. Do what you need to do. If ss do come round what are they going to see exactly?

Ffs it's a daft drunk old bat being an interfering bitch. Post some ear plugs through the letter box and carry on doing what you need to do!!

Report her for harassment

First you need to deal with the breach of confidentiality at school. Ring the head, perhaps get some advice on the primary school boards looking at this as a separate matter.

You are not obliged to engage with your neighbour. You do not owe her an explanation or apology. Next time she comes around tell her she is welcome to move house and then shut the door. If you repeat this every time in your most relaxed blasé manner she will find complaining very unfulfilling.

Colic is hell, you have my sympathy.

Figgygal Mon 11-Nov-13 13:19:17

Tell her if she does you will report her to police for harassment and report her Daughter In Law for being inappropriate at work and see how she likes it.

megab Mon 11-Nov-13 13:21:53

I would be straight down the school, get the teacher in front of her boss and ask why she feels it necessary to breach confidentiality with your neighbour. That her actions are making an already unbearable living situation worse and you want it dealt with.
As for the crying, tell her to mind her own. What is she going to do? Call the police/council because a baby is crying, baby's don't have an off switch. She won't have a leg to stand on. Silly B***h of a woman

gamerchick Mon 11-Nov-13 13:22:40

I agree.. tell her you're logging all her visits and will take further action and that you're going to deal with the school for breach of confidentiality.

toffeesponge Mon 11-Nov-13 13:22:47

What are they discussing? That your baby cries? Your dd's school work?

Stand up for yourself, stop being bullied by this woman.

cathpip Mon 11-Nov-13 13:23:21

I would be telling your neighbour that isn't she lucky that none of her children had colic and reflux, and maybe if they did she would have some sympathy, then mention that you are logging everything as this is harassment and end it with the fact that you are reporting her daughter for breech of confidentiality to the school and the LEA after one of your previous conversations with her. Babies cry, its clearly been a long time since she dealt with one.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Mon 11-Nov-13 13:28:39

What toffeesponge said, stand up for yourself - talk to your daughter's school about her teacher, and tell your neighbour to leave you alone or you will report her to the police for harassment. If she comes round again, call the police on 101 and talk to them.

Whatever you do, don't engage, don't offer excuses or explanations. Tell her to leave you alone and then shut the door.

Then care for your son in the way that is best for him and you, sod your stupid neighbour.

gourd Mon 11-Nov-13 13:29:15

She has her rose-tinted spectacles on about her kids. Easy when it was so long ago. All babies cry and the first year is hard work in that respect. Afterall babies cant communicate verbally in any other way. Agree with the others. Log the time and date of her complaints and report these to the police if you feel harassed. Would also suggest you go and get some moral support from your HV and use the baby groups in your area to meet others with similar aged babies, and so you will know that you are not alone in having a crying baby!

Is not the neighbours behaviour bordering on harassment?

Are you renting?

stressed8132 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:33:27

I dont leave him to cry. My health visitor has told me not to pick him up as soon as he cries. He wants constant attention because he knows as soon as he cries I will pick him up because I feel I have to. I know his different cries. I can tell if he is over tired or in pain, or if he simply wants attention. Do people really pick their babies up every time they cry?

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Mon 11-Nov-13 13:34:20

I second DontWannaBeObamasElf. What the hell is the school doing giving your neighbour reports about your DCs school progress? It may be meant in good faith "oh but they are very good" but it is not to be done. Complain in writing so that it cannot be ignored. No need to implicate your friend. You could have heard it straight from your neighbour.

YANBU. Babies cry, and babies with reflux cry a lot more. Have you considered calling crysis or NSPCC to ask their advice in dealing with bullying neighbours when one has a crying baby?

I am very sorry. She sounds mad but this is no help.

Talk to your HV about this too.

Doodledumdums Mon 11-Nov-13 13:35:37

Oh my god you poor thing, she sounds awful. No advice, but just wanted to say this is totally not your fault. Okay, it is unfortunate if your neighbour has a baby that cries a lot, but that's just tough, people are entitled to have babies, and babies cry! My 10mo has a sickness bug at the moment and has been crying and whinging for the last 48 hours, but he's a baby, there is nothing I can do!

Ask her what on earth she expects you to do about it. If she's had 3 children who didn't cry then she must be supernanny and therefore must have some suggestions rather than just abuse?!

The school thing is a massive breach of confidentiality, but I wouldn't be surprised if she's lying and making out that she knows something that she doesn't, purely because her dil teaches at the school.

All in all, evil cow! I'd move your crying DS into the room closest to her house every time he cries, just to wind her up.

Yeah, I did. After months of colic I was a shakey anxious mess and it was a relief that just picking up would help. But that's just me, there's an entire spectrum of parenting and you a certainly not unusual to give it some time to offer opportunities to self- settle.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Mon 11-Nov-13 13:38:40

I picked up my babies most of the time but frankly it is not always possible, or they do not calm down when picked up if the crying is due to pain or night terror. I also did controlled crying when they were about one.

I live in a flat so I am quite certain my neighbours hear the noise we make. I never had anyone complaining.

I agree that she is harassing you. You need RL support. Talk to your HV. Her talk of contacting SS and her getting reports from the school is not on.

stressed8132 Mon 11-Nov-13 13:39:05

Thanks for all the input. He is really bad with tummy issues. He has medicine for the reflux, he has special milk for colic. He is weaned now and Im obviously trying him with different foods but some foods make the colic and reflux worse. I thought he would of grown out of it by now, the current thought is he is possibly Lactose intollerant.

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