Gives up to easily

[cori]

DS is is four, seems to be sufferign a crisis of confidence. Whenever we try something new with him like catching a ball, writing his name etc. he seems to want to give up when when he makes a mistake. Sometimes he makes mistakes etc on purpose so he can say 'i cant do it' and has an excuse to give up.
I dont know how hard i should push him to continue because he seems to get quite angry and upset sometimes.
Anybody else with a similar experience?

[hunkermunker]

Don't know, Cori, but bumping this for you - am sure someone knows!

[staceym11]

i dfont have experience with an older child but my dd (20month) has a confidence thing around walking etc. and all i can suggest is positive praise, which im sure you do, as a good encouragment.

any sort of progress, even just writing one letter or 'nearly' catching that ball can be praised and help raise his confidence, maybe let him see you do some things not so well and explain that it takes practise and let him watch you 'get better' at it.

hope this helps!

[juuule]

My eldest ds has been something like this. He would also get into a temper if he couldn't do something. Eg: when doing a jigsaw as a toddler, if he couldn't get it right first time would mess all that he had done up and say he couldn't do it, then refuse to have anything else to do with it.
Eg2: Found it difficult to ride a 2-wheeler bike so wouldn't try until his younger brother rode one and then he learned in a day.
He is something of a perfectionist though. So if it looks like he won't get it perfect then he won't try because anything less than perfect he saw as failing and he didn't want to fail.
As he got older he got more control of himself but even recently during GCSEs we had the 'I can't do this' and frustrated panic the night before an exam.
He passed all his GCSEs and A'levels and is now at university but he still has times when he finds something difficult and wants to walk away. He does recognise this and has learned to overcome it to apply himself.
So might be a phase for your ds or it might be part of his personality.

[cori]

Thanks for bumping HM,


Juules, I think DS is somewhat of a perfectionist and therefor doesnt want to try if he cant do it well the first time. I try and remind him of things he wasn't able to do in the past but can now do because he has practised. Such as writing his name. It is very frustrating though because i feel i constantly have to push him with every new skill.
I also feel that i have failed him in some way because he seems to have so little confidence sometimes. Apart from constant praise and reassurance i dont know what else to do.

[juuule]

I wouldn't worry that you are failing him in any way. Sounds like you are doing the right things with the praise, encouragement and reminding him of things he has already achieved.

[notagrannyyet]

You've not failed cori!
One of mine is like this.He needs constant reassurance.He also is very concerned about things being 'fair'.I am always having to explain to him that others do'nt always follow the 'rules', he seems to find this very hard to accept.

[amber5]

cori, my ds is 3.5 and has just started to do similar. he won't attempt things he thinks he won't be able to do etc. eg he has been able to play with playmobil figures for months - in terms of having the dexerity to manipulate their limbs and clothes. just recently he brings them to me to do things as simple as put a hat on. i know what you mean, i feel v disappointed that he seems to be loosing skills/ confidence. depending on what mood he's in, i sometimes encourage him to do it himself; sometimes just do it for him rather than let him get upset over it. i feel so sad for him...
i'm really just hoping it's a phase and that his confidence will return, perhaps by learning some new skills - ie focusing on something new.
this doesn't give any advice i know, but hopefully you know you're not alone. (you're never alone on mn!!)
xxx amber

[youknowwhat]

DS1 is sometimes doing things like this and TBH, I wonder if this is not some sort of lasiness from his part or just a way to attract attention.
eg : he has been able to undress himself for months but suddenly it's 'I can't do it !!'. If I don't respond and let him get on with it, well, he suddely manages all on his own...
He also gives me the impression that the doesn't want - or is afraid ?- to try by himself sometimes. So I tend to move between ignoring him when I know he is able to do it and being there, supporting him with words and with a little physical help when really needed.

[youknowwhat]

Oh, if this is something new, I leave him getting on with it on his own and start to help him only when he seems to be completey sruck or is obviously trying hard but can't quite manage it yet.