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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

I give up!!

15 replies

cleaninglady · 07/07/2006 19:15

Have posted quite recently about the attitude and general lack of respect from my 4 1/2 dd but tonight she has just had a massive tantrum over hair washing !!! completely flailing arms and screaming about water in her face (she has always been like this but lots calmer lately) but unfortunately i decided to loose it as well and ended up just telling her to get out and get straight to bed. DH spent ages talking to her while cruel horrid mummy steams downstairs!! they end up in a conversation about how she doesnt want to leave pre school and is worried about big school in sept - i think she is just to clever for her own good and is playing for sympathy - maybe im being harsh but im at boiling point!

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Rhubarb · 07/07/2006 19:16

I agree with you.

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Dior · 07/07/2006 19:22

Message withdrawn

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stoppinattwo · 07/07/2006 19:43

Cleaning Lady, They do learn to play the guilt/symapthy car v early on , 10/10 for effort to your DD, 10/10 for patience to you, 10/10 to DH because they hate getting left out!!!

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cleaninglady · 07/07/2006 19:55

She is now asleep after a protracted 30 mins bedtime session instead of usual 5-10 mins so she won all round and still needs hair washing tomorrow - saturday though so DH can step up....
oh and she said how she loved daddy to the moon and back..... i wasnt even mentioned

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puddingz · 07/07/2006 23:09

I know it's a cliche but have you tried a sticker chart? Go back to small steps - a sticker/star for keeping her head under the shower for 2 mins and another for a quick wash and rinse???? Before you wash her hair see if you and her can find 5 minutes to create and print a personalised chart from here Hopefully this will help her not focus on her hair but on the forthcoming star/stickers. Good Luck Hon

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cleaninglady · 09/07/2006 20:17

puddingz - thanks for website - looks fab and will get that done for her - think your right about small steps again - will have to start slowly and patiently again !!! oh see loves me again today by the way arent i lucky??!?!?!

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TwinsetandPearls · 09/07/2006 20:28

I don't thik you are being harsh, she sounds just like my dd who has dp wrapped around her little finger. A trick she has learnt from me

We have hgad an episode just like the one you have described and dd has been sobbing to dp about her woes andhas then smiled over his shoulder at me and then gone back to sobbing.

WE have found the pasta jay works well with dd though.

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cleaninglady · 09/07/2006 21:08

T&P - what is the pasta jay thing???

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TwinsetandPearls · 09/07/2006 21:24

There are koads of threads about it on mumsnet wil hunt one out. WE have adapted it slightly.

I ahve two sets of coloured pasta pink and blue.

If she does something good and we have agreed what kind of things they are she gest a piece of pink pasta (one of her good things is l;etting me wash her hair without it turning into a scene from the Excorcist) but if she doesa something naughty she gets a piece of blue.

On a Friday evening we add up the pink pasta in front off dd and we take away one piece of pink for every blue. She gets 10p for every piece of pink left.

It works becuase dd can see herslelf loosing out for every piece of blue she gets. It is balckmail but it works most of the time.

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TwinsetandPearls · 09/07/2006 21:25

pasta jar not jay.

Sorry am too lazy to get up and turn on the light so can't see the keyboard!

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cleaninglady · 09/07/2006 21:47

ooooo loving that - am a big fan of blackmail going to hunt out pasta and blue and pink paint it may take a while .......

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TwinsetandPearls · 09/07/2006 21:50

put the pasra in a bowl with food colouring and mix until all coloured.

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youknowwhat · 10/07/2006 09:58

cleaninglady, I would agree that she is probably playing around. However, if she mentioned her fear to go to school in September, I wouldn't dismiss it as another strategy from her side. It MIGHT be that she is really worried.
What about talking with her about it and see what she could be worried about at a time when you are both relaxed? Sometimes children are being diffcult because something else - at school for example - is really bothering them. I wouldn't dismiss that possibility up front except of course if this is an answer that is coming back again and again because she knows she will get some sympathy.
For the hair washing, well if I had been in your place, I would have done the same except that DH wouldn't have been as compasionate! DS1 would have been in bed, that's it. I don't think that is making me or you a cruel mummy. Just a way to show that there are some limits, that they need to respect them and they will not always their own way....
By the way, next time that she needs her hair washing, what about leaving your DH doing it without you with the agreement that she WILL have her hair washed no matter what?

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CaptainFlameSparrow · 10/07/2006 10:04

You do know it would have been more fun to let CL sit and paint individual bits of pasta don't you??

Sorry - no helpful advice here... DD is 3, so I have all this joy to come

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cleaninglady · 10/07/2006 10:20

CFS - your mean

i actually thought i would get dd to do it anyway!

have talked to her a bit more - she is nervous about school a bit i think although on visits does not show it and just skips in smiling for her hour long session - another this afternoon so am making an effort to take her without dragging ds along (not literally!! so she can have all my attention - we shall see.......