18 month old and new baby - advice please!

[PinkTulips]

i'm 34+3 at the moment and dd will be just 18 months when the baby comes, was wondering if anyone with a similar age gap could tell me what to expect behaviour wise from her once the baby comes?
she gets an awful lot of attention at the minute as i don't work and has suddenly become quite clingy with me the last week or so (sensing the baby's imminent arrival maybe?).
i'm planning on bf-ing baby but i remember with her i was practically glued to the couch for the first few months and i'm worried about how dd's going to react to that, not to mention the fact that she'll probably remember bf-ing herself as i only stopped at 1 year and it might spark even more jealousy.
please tell me i'm worrying about nothing and she'll adjust quickly!

[sweetkitty]

I have 18 months between my DDs (who are now 23 and 5 months).

DD1 has been great since DD2 came along, she just accepted her from the word go. First couple of weeks we just included her in everything and she has been absolutely fine. She adores her little sister and now DD2 is more reactive I often find her copying DD2 giggles and the 2 of them giggling at each other.

I BF DD1 for a year too so was worried like you are about BFing another baby. DD2 was curious to begin with and would have a little lick after DD2 had finished which I didn't discourage, she never latched though. Mostly when I feed she comes up and snuggles into me on the side I'm not feeding from. I use feeding time to read books with DD1, we sing songs and watch cbeebies.

I'm sure your DD will be absolutely fine too, mine is so protective of her sister now and it's great just watching the two of them together.

A tip I got from here is I have a travel cot I put DD2 in which keeps her safe from DD1 if I need to make lunch, nip upstairs etc. DD1 has been known to drive her pram over DD2! They hold hands in the double buggy too which is sweet.

Best of luck x

[PinkTulips]

thanks sweetkitty, thats so reassuring. i'm a hormonal mess at the minute and panicing about this isn't helping, it's lovely to hear that some kids take a new sibling so well, hopefully my dd will!

[sweetkitty]

no problem I was the exact same whilst pregnant wondering if I would love DD2 the same as DD1, guess what I love her every bit as much, we are a little gang now.

It's hard work no getting away from that but great fun.

[pinkdolly]

Hiya,

My dd1 was only 14 months old when dd2 was born. We had included her as much as possible in the pregnancy and she took to dd2 really quick.

I think it helped that dd2 brought a little present for dd1.

I also Breastfed both my girls, and never really had any problems with jealously at all.

I am now 37 weeks pg with my 3rd child and looking forward to doing it all again.

I am sure everything will be fine for you.

BTW my girls are now just 4 and nearly 3 and they adore each other. It's so nice having such a close gap between them.

[Overrun]

There really are some great advantages of having a small age gap, I found that at first ds1 was pretty indifferent to the twins (20 months when they appeared), but then quickly forgot that there had ever been a time that he was an only child.
My feeding tip, would be to put some special toys in the room that you plan to feed (maybe spare bedroom, or wherever. Then when you want to feed go there with both children and hopefully older child will enjoy the novelty of toys they don't usually get to play with.
Also bought presents from twins to older child, which helped.
good luck

[slalomsuki]

18 months between my first two and they are like twins now and I sometimes forget the age difference. Never had any problems and ds1 cannot remember when ds2 wasn't there. Have 21/2 years till dd and they have been great and only now that she is crawling do they bother about her.

My top tip is don't force the child to get involved with their sibling and don't make too much fuss of the baby including at feeding time. I BF all of mine and still am dd and the boys think its great

[PinkTulips]

thanks pinkdolly and overrun!

starting to calm down a bit now i hear some positive stories.

went out shopping for dd's toy from the baby toy so thats sorted and also let her pick a teddy for the baby as she's unusually generous for an only child and i think she'll like showing him/her the teddy and giving it to him/her.

does anyone know will dd's routine go out the window when baby comes or is it possible to work the baby around it? spent so long getting dd into a bedtime routine i can't stand the thought of regressing back to having her up all night

[WellKnownMemorablePeachyClair]

Hi

My two older boys have just under 14 months between them.

TBH i quite ike the closer gaps. My boys are very close now, which has been extra good as DS1 has SN, and ds2 is very much his guide and protector at school.

We found a motorised swing invaluable, as it rocked ds2 whilst i could give ds1 some one on one time. Also a swing to use with a single buggy is great, although I would have a double buggy also as there are times for each imo and ime!

RE the routines dn't try to force any routine if she regresses a bit, just go with it- for example if she wants a bottle or carrying, that's quite normal and will wear off. And don't be hard on yourself- go with the flow for a few weeks, give yourself some recovery time and a bit of time to get to know the babies needs. Then combine the two for best effect- for example if you normally sit down to lunch at 1 but babes has a nap at 12, use that time to sit down together. I suppose you could keep your existing routine but I'd go with the naturally merged thing myself.

[PinkTulips]

slalomsuki, thanks, it's great to hear from all of you who managed to bf no.2 without any jealousy.

peachy, you're probably right about the routine, guess i'm being a little selfish as it was so long before we had any semblance of normality with dd that i'm dreading going back to the chaos that we were living with before!

[Reece]

PinkTulips try not to worry. It's hard work at first but you really reap the rewards later on.

Theres 16 mths between my DS1 and DS2 and DS1 did have some jealousy issues for a while but it soon wore off. It mainly occured when I was feeding(bottle)DS2. He would be at my side and want to sit on my knee and would pull at the baby. This was diffiult but one I distrated him with story books etc it was fine. It was hard work but I think its only natural for them to feel a little bit put out and they have to adjust.

Now I look at them (DS2 is 16mths old) and it makes me melt. They hold hands in the car, buggy, they play brilliantly together, make eah other giggle and hopefully in years to come they will look after each other on a saturday night out!!

[DumbledoresGirl]

Pink Tulips, it was some time ago for me now, but my first two (both boys) were born exactly 18 months to the day apart and I honestly do not remember any problems with jealousy, juggling the demands of two babies, anything.

What I do remember (and have video evidence to prove it) was that ds1 used to climb into ds2's cot when ds2 was about 3 months old, and the first I would know would be ds2 giggling away at ds1's antics. When ds1 turned 2 and ds2 was only 6 months old, I remember ds1 sending cars down his garage slide and making ds2 laugh like a drain at that too. They shared a room until a couple of years ago and ds2's arrival even coincided with ds1 regularly sleeping the night for the first time. They were inseparable from birth and have remained inseparable ever since. Ds1 is now just 10 and ds2 is 8 and a half. The way they are constantly with each other and constantly sharing the same interests, activities and friends makes them very much like twins, although physically there is a huge difference between them.

My point is, you could be on the brink of giving your children something really wonderful - a lifelong companion and confidante. I have 2 other children and although all 4 are close and enjoy being with each other, my first 2 have a remarkable bond.

[PinkTulips]

thanks dumbledoresgirl and reece

starting to look forward to this now!