Dd is 2 and 2 months. New baby brother arrived the day before her 2nd birthday. She likes to hug and kiss him but also will swipe at his head and scratch his face if I'm not quick enough to stop her.
She has started doing this to other children at toddler groups and parties, as well as snatching toys and pushing/pulling over. Grabbed at a boys face today and scratched under his eye. I'm mortified and not sure if I'm handling it right.
I talked to her before we went to the party today explaining that she needed to be gentle with everyone. I praised her loads when she was being good being specific about what it was I was pleased with. When she grabbed at the boys face I took her, said no calmly but firmly then took her to one side and made her stay with me for a while, said if she wasn't gentle again we'd have to leave. Took her with me to say sorry to boy (I said it as couldn't get her to).
She seems fascinated by what she's doing. Often talking about kids 'crying' when they are ones she's hurt. It breaks my heart because I know how lovely she is.
My plan for the next few days:
Before going to potential situation I will give her a detailed pep talk explaining behaviour I want and don't want. Also explain consequences if she hurts anyone - probably leaving the activity and going home.
Praise at every opportunity, and if situation is going well, possibly leave early so it ends on a good note and I can praise praise praise. Watching for signs of tiredness etc and taking her home before she gets too tired (think she was ready for nap when incident at party happened today).
Giving no opportunity for her to hurt/attempt to grab at ds, then praise her loads for how gentle she is.
How does this sound? I don't want to be too soft I really really want this behaviour to stop as soon as I can, but I don't believe that shouting etc works and I'm also aware that her little world has been turned upside down with the arrival of ds and she is so good and lovely most of the time, really accepting him. I don't want her to feel pushed out or rejected by me.
This is happening when in contact with other toddlers. Should I avoid toddler groups for a while? It just seems important to me that she socialises with other kids.
Should I offer rewards as well as praise? Eg after toddler group today we can watch a bit of cbeebies when we get home if you are gentle all the time? Or a star chart working towards a reward? Or is she too young for this and should I be expecting her to behave in an acceptable way without a reward?
Would some sort of time out system help, especially in the house, following bad behaviour?
I just don't know what to do but want it to stop as I don't want my lovely little girl to get a reputation for being unkind
If she tries to hurt ds how should I handle it. I initially I was saying a very stern, dramatic 'no' but I think she liked the attention from this. Now I'm trying to give her no opportunity eg holding her hands while she goes to give him a kiss then immediately taking him away then praising her for how gentle she is but if she does manage to hurt him how should I react. I'm just doing a sad face and saying 'no we don't do that' at the moment. Should I maybe put her on a 'naughty step' (although I wouldn't call it that)?
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Behaviour/development
Please help, my 2 year old is hurting other children.
35 replies
PrincessRomy · 28/09/2013 22:31
OP posts:
BlackberrySeason ·
29/09/2013 07:19
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