DD keeps telling lies

[paneer]

DD (5 ½yo) keeps telling little lies and it's driving me crazy. It's not the, "I've got a pet unicorn" kind of lie, it's little ones like "I've got a baby brother" (to my friend's 3 yo), and "mummy's taking me to have my ears pierced" (to grandparents).

It's driving me mad.

[minipie]

I think it's the age ... they have just discovered they can lie and have people believe them. can you explain the whole "boy who cried wolf" concept, ie people won't believe her when she does tell them something true and wants to be believed?

[Buzzardbird]

Totally normal, tell her Santa is listening.

[paneer]

Just ordered the boy who cried wolf.

I forgot about Santa (how did I forget him!). He is going to feature tomorrow.... but am I not as bad as her in telling lies then

It's driving me mad, why is it driving me so crazy.

[Goldmandra]

I wouldn't tell her Santa is listening. Christmas should be a magical happy occasion full of lovely surprises not something held over children's heads and used to threaten them with.

Lying like this is normal at this age. let's face it she will be expected to lie and this is part of the learning process.

She needs to be able to differentiate between answering 'how are you?' with 'I'm fine' and telling people she's got a unicorn. Your role is to explain that difference so that she learns to limit her lies to the socially acceptable or required lies like telling someone they look nice when in reality they don't like what that person is wearing.

Call her on it every time and explain the consequences in terms that are meaningful for her. Unless it is quite updated, The Boy who Cried Wolf may not mean much to her. Better to use an analogy like a child saying she feels ill at school in order to be sent home or someone losing their friends because they keep telling tales about them.

[paneer]

It's the little white lies that are bugging me (she doesnt do the crazy fantasy lies). For example, when she first started at the childminder she told them the was allergic to egg, especially the yellow part.

Wonder if there are any books out there on losing friends because of telling tales.

[Goldmandra]

Wonder if there are any books out there on losing friends because of telling tales.

Have a look at this one

Amazon should link you to other similar ones too.

[paneer]

ordered it.

[Goldmandra]

Would you mind coming back when it arrives and saying whether it was any good?

Thanks

[COCKadoodledooo]

Am sniggering slightly at 'tell her Santa is listening' - one good lie deserves another huh?!

Ds1 did this a bit, grew out of it though. We just ignored/minimised as much as we could.

[WhatHo]

My nearly 4 year old blames everything on her 18mo sister. Is that normal as well? It took us ages to catch on as we didn't think she could lie yet

[Buzzardbird]

Well anyone who tells their child that Santa exists is lying anyway ... I don't

[BlackMogul]

I think telling little lies is to get attention. It got the attention of the childminder and no doubt granny with the ear piercing story. She is learning how to press buttons and get a reaction. I always think the best thing to do is for the adults to query what she says and say they will ask Mummy about it. If you discredit what she says, she may think be less inclined to say something that is not true. Would she talk to you about why she says things that are not true? I think children at school start to see through untruths as well so she may stop when other children query what she says, especially when her ears stay unpierced!

[Slimchance]

DD used to tell some horrendous whoppers. In fact I may have posted for advice on here about it. I had teachers enquiring about my holiday in Spain when we hadn't gone anywhere and asking us repeatedly whether dd had older brothers and sisters (we live abroad and she is an only, but kept making up stories about having another family in the UK ).

With the benefit of experience, I think the best way to deal with this is to make it clear you are on to them and that it's absolutely not acceptable but do it with a big dose of humour (we used to roll our eyes (in a funny not horrible way) and make gestures about growing noses to dd and she soon started laughing with us and grew out of it- although she'll occasionally have a small relapse - but she's definitely improved hugely.

I think it's fine to point out the consequences of crying wolf etc but at that age, if you get too cross and moral about it, it defeats the object because they get more attention for it (albeit negative attention).

In dd's case she was telling lies to try and fit in with the other dc and make herself look more interesting, so the basic reason for it was insecurity and lack of confidence. (She told the same allergy lie as your dd for example.) I think you need to address the route cause rather than the symptoms ifyswim. HTH!

[kimmills222]

It's the age and nothing really abnormal about it. Kids that age do make up stories and tell them in way no one can imagine they are lying. I don't even like to call it lying, they just make up stories. If it gets dangerous then like some here have said, explain the 'cry wolf' story to her. I am sure this is a passing phase.

[paneer]

Still waiting for the book Goldmandra found. Will let you know when it arrives.

Ironically, since I posted this she seemed to have been doing it less (oh how much difference a week makes ). Also a girl in her class keeps telling the teachers that the other children are hitting her (she isn't) and DD seems to have made the connection that telling lies annoys other children and you may end up having no friends.