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Behaviour/development

4 Year old just started school and crying at bedtime - help!!

6 replies

cov75 · 23/09/2013 20:09

Hi there, iI need some advice and wondered if anyone has been through the same....
My 4 year old (just at the end of August) started school 2 weeks ago. She does not seem to be coping very well. She seems to be getting used to it through the day - she says that she doesn't want to go but when I collect her at the end of the day she says she has had some fun. The problem is at bedtime and at night. She does not want us to leave her room, crying and calling us back for silly reasons like to pass us her drink etc.
It is horrible to see her so distressed. Last night she wet the bed - something she has only done maybe once or twice in her life andcewrtainly not recently, and couldn't go back to sleep for crying for approx 3 hours. I have tried to give her more attention in the day to make up for her being at school to make sure that she isn't missing out on love but it doesn't seem to help. I resisted getting bed with her as I know that would make things worse in the long run.
I would just like the reassurance that other people have been through this as most other kids at school seem fine and any advice would be very well received. I don't think it helps that I am on maternity leave and am at home with her little sister all day but I can't do anything about that :( I am lost x

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maltravers · 23/09/2013 20:14

Oh how sad! Can you have a chat with the teacher to see if she/he has any suggestions. She is so little- could you start her part time for the first few weeks. If it helps, one of my first memories is crying through my first day at school, but I ended up loving it. Good luck to you and your little one.

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tethersend · 23/09/2013 20:19

DD1 has just started reception, but started at the school nursery full time last year. She reacted like this- she was utterly knackered!

I'd also just had her little sister, and that on its own is enough to make them insecure, but with everything else it's utterly overwhelming. However, she did get over it, and now skips out of bed overjoyed to go to school.

I'd put her bedtime back by an hour (even if this means going to bed at five thirty!) and get into bed with her if possible. Don't worry about forming bad habits, she has so much going on right now she just needs reassurance. Does she sleep through ok?

I would also mention it to her teacher. Did she have a phased transition or do half days straight away?

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addictedtolatte · 23/09/2013 20:20

Sympathies here am a year on from you with my ds. I did find he needed to go to bed an hour earlier than usual as he was getting overtired from school. Also mine was getting scared of being closed in so I left his bedroom door open to let some light in and so he could hear people around. Also regarding the baby at home with you problem, I am guilty of telling my ds a little white lie and I told him his sister went to nursery of a day. Shocking I know but it seemed to make him feel better. Hope you get some useful advice soon

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tethersend · 23/09/2013 20:22

That's a great idea about the nursery lie, addicted- wish I'd thought of that one!

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SirDoris · 23/09/2013 20:31

I feel your pain OP. Having similar problems with DD. Currently sitting in her doorway waiting for her to go to sleep as she keeps screaming if I try to leave.
She was 4 in June and is loving school. Skips in in the morning and comes out grinning at the end of the day. It's just she is completely exhausted and overtired from it. She can't switch off her mind at all. Since she started we've had a mixture of night waking, early waking or not wanting to sleep at bedtime unless I sit with her. She was even up for 2hrs in the night on Saturday night. She has the odd night where she sleeps well but basically getting more and more tired. No advice, but you're definitely not alone.

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cov75 · 23/09/2013 20:51

Hi - I think trying to get her to bed earlier is a good idea - thanks. At least if it takes her an hour to go to sleep it wont be any different.

Tethersend - She had 3 days of half a day and then went to full days. I thought it was a bit full on but I didn't want her to be any different to the other children and highlight her age. Maybe I should have discussed it with the teachers more. They seem to think she is doing OK. They said that they would let us know if she was struggling. I think that I will have a word with them in the morning.
She had just started sleeping through after the upset of her baby sister being born too.I guess we will just have to sit it out and provide lets of cuddles. Fingers crossed for tonight