Survival tips needed - 'the terrible twos'

[CbeebiesIsMyLife]

Dd1 is 3 at the end of October. She's been relatively 'easy' behaviour wise she has time outs and apologises when she's in the wrong.

But recently she has been so hard to deal with. In the past 30 minutes she has tantrumed because dinner isn't on the table, because she wants me to turn the tv off, because he wants the tv on, because she doesn't want dinner because she wants me and because she doesn't want me.

It's like she is incapable of asking for anything she has to throw herself on the floor and scream. I don't reward her behaviour I wait for her to stop and tell her to ask properly which she does and if it's appropriate she gets the cuddle or tv or snack.

I must be doing something wrong. Is this normal? I'm in the early stages of pregnancy am stressed out and irritable and have had to walk upstairs and leave her to it on more than one occasion because I just can't cope with her tantrums and the way she hits out and screams at me.

What do I do?

[Bearfrills]

Do exactly what you're doing - disengage, walk away if need be (obviously in a safe place like the house, not the middle of Tesco), and don't react.

Tantrums are entirely normal and loads of children this age go through it. I went through it with DS (now 4yo) and we've recently started it with DD (who is 2yo). It'll pass, I promise. It's tough going at times but it will gradually stop as her speech/understanding/empathy, etc improve.

[CbeebiesIsMyLife]

Thanks bear. The thing I find most worrying is dd2 is 2 in February and I'm not sure I can deal with 2 of them. Hopefully this stage Passes quickly!

[CreatureRetorts]

A lot of it will be her inability to properly communicate even if she can talk well. With ds we spend time teaching him what's wrong so he can tell us. So if it's dinner time and he kicks off, I tell him he's hungry and sit down. I'll ask him if he wants a cuddle and he'll calm down.

If I know he's tired or upset then I will try and take control by calming him with cuddles or a snack or a sit down. If he's having a proper tantrum as in he can't have something (eg a toy in the shop) then I will breezily ignore and carry on.

[Goldmandra]

You're not doing anything wrong.

The most important thing you're doing right is not rewarding the behaviour you don't want to see repeated. Eventually she will realise that there is no point in kicking in and screaming at you and she'll stop bothering.

Keep being a calm, reassuring but firm and consistent presence and carry on waiting for her to stop then expecting her to make an appropriate choice once she has calmed down.

It will pass.