Nursery says DD(21mnths) behaviour isn't normal....worried

(37 Posts)
Haddock73 Tue 20-Aug-13 17:58:24

DD is very bright, lovely and kind.

She has recently started pulling tantrums when she doesn't get her own way, but nothing that I think is out of the ordinary - collapsing to the floor crying no, tears, etc when she doesn't get her own way sometimes and it's always short lived.

Anyway, she has recently become hysterical if you try to take away certain items of hers - her favourite teddy, cardigan and sandals.

She literally cries and cries and becomes hysterical if these items are amen away from her. Even when it's very not she insists on her shoes and cardigan being on.

I took this to be normal toddler behaviour - being attached to certain items etc and just a phase. If distracted enough, she will give up the cardigan, shoes etc.

Nursery raised their concerns about her "odd" behaviour, and said mother children bring a teddy to nursery and have this odd attachment to certain items of clothing.

I've been worried about it and don't know what to do. DH thinks its normal toddler behaviour. dd is very smart (lots of talking, can count to 10, sentences, good attention span etc) and I'm wondering is this a sign of autism? Or are nursery making a big deal out of nothing?

Haddock73 Tue 20-Aug-13 18:00:15

Sorry for the typos:

Nursery said no other children bring a teddy etc not mother

rubyslippers Tue 20-Aug-13 18:04:08

i am amazed the nursery are making a big deal out of this (in isolation)

lots of children have strong attachments to objects - nothing strange in itself

DS was obssessed with CDs and CD players at this age and would watch them for ages spinning

did they really use the word odd????

Dackyduddles Tue 20-Aug-13 18:05:44

Just described 3 kids I know. I would guess normal and a phase.

Sezzy100 Tue 20-Aug-13 18:06:08

I would say this is perfectly normal- my little girl went through a phase of being attached to a pillowcase and she insisted on dragging the fleabitten thing everywhere. But it was a phase. As are the tantrums which she seems to be growing out of now she can communicate and understand more. She does still throw the occasional whopper but controlling their feelings is all part of normal development.
She goes to nursery 4 days a week and some days insists on taking a toy with her. I let her and at nursery when she starts to play and forget about it the staff just hide it away in her bag to take home. I'm not sure I see any problem with her having something she wants like a toy or a hat or anything and there are far bigger battles to be had. If you ask me it's nursery that seem to be acting a bit odd here.

From the few things you have said I think this sounds like normal toddler behaviour.

For example - I looked after one child who wore wellies all the time at her age, and could not be prised out of them even on the hottest of days. Another was obsessed with wearing the same hat day in, day out.

Nursery sounds a bit crackers TBH, lots of children having phases of being very attached to things.

DS is 4 and will still throw himself to the floor and strop if you try to take a favourite digger off him. He is annoying sometimes but essentially normal grin

PoppyWearer Tue 20-Aug-13 18:06:41

Sigh. Just typed a long post to the effect of: sounds normal to me.

And Mumsnet crashed.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry. They can't have much experience of toddlers if they haven't seen this before.

ChunkyPickle Tue 20-Aug-13 18:07:38

No other children bring a teddy? Really? My nursery has a little box so that children can bring whatever it is that they need to comfort them, and DS is allowed special dispensation to take a toy car to hold during quiet time because it keeps him from getting upset.

I'm no child psychologist, and you couldn't diagnose at a distance anyway, but a little bit of attachment isn't unusual in my opinion - only you (or someone qualified who's spent time with her) could tell if it's something more unusual than that.

Haddock73 Tue 20-Aug-13 18:10:29

Oh thank goodness, I thought it was normal as well! Thank you all. Yes they actually used the word "odd" and seemed concerned.

I thought it was normal for toddlers to have strange little attachments, t certainly doesn't stop her playing with her friends, reading, eating, sleeping etc, so was a it shocked they made an issue out of it.

lovelyredwine Tue 20-Aug-13 18:11:45

Sounds pretty standard toddler behaviour. I think nursery are being a bit odd if that is all she is doing. Most of the children at dd's nursery bring a toy. When she was going though a clingy phase they suggested we bring a favourite book or toy to comfort her and we just carried on.

trinitybleu Tue 20-Aug-13 18:12:54

Totally normal. My DD took her teddy to Nursery all the way through. Had to be firm and say he wasn't allowed at school!

Also had phases of only wanting to wear one dress, a particular Alice band, watch one film over and over etc.

WireCat Tue 20-Aug-13 18:13:09

Have they not dealt with small children before?!

Sounds totally normal to me!

Themobstersknife Tue 20-Aug-13 18:13:43

At DD1s nursery, they had a big long list of all the attachment toys /comforters against each child's name. I always felt DD was odd because she didn't have one! I felt bad that hers said 'thumb' and everyone else had some beloved little teddy!

Haddock73 Tue 20-Aug-13 18:17:20

Thank you all, that's exactly what I thought and really threw me when they raised this concern. To be fair, they made a very big deal when another toddler bite dd on the finger once, no mark, dd wasn't concerned, yet they made it a huge deal and worried me when they first told me "mummy, we have something to tell you and you're not going to like it. Something has happened to dd....something bad..." When I found out another child bit her finger, I was like "oh, okay, we'll that's what kids do right? I'm sure it'll be her next week".

Maybe they just over react to things too much?

runningonwillpower Tue 20-Aug-13 18:17:42

My son used to do exactly this at the same age. He would go berserk if you tried to take off his cardigan or jumper - I've seen him on the point of heatstroke and he still wouldn't take it off. He wasn't bothered about shoes but his trousers just had to be long - the mere sight of shorts would lead to a total meltdown.

I think he just didn't like bare arms and legs. Who knows?

In any case, it was a phase. He was a perfectly normal boy and is now a lovely man.

ViviDeBeauvoir Tue 20-Aug-13 18:17:56

I think it sounds perfectly normal. Recently at my DD's old nursery (she's 4) they raised an issue that she'd got really upset when another child had gone into the shoe box and put on her shoes and started walking around in them and said it was 'strange'. My response? Well, what do you expect? We talk to her about not taking things without asking, so she expects the same. She is perfectly 'normal'.
My Ds1 is 2 and obsessed with vacuum cleaners (asks to look at pictures of them on the Internet, likes to look in shop windows as we go past etc.)
FWIW DS1 is very advanced language wise but also has he biggest tantrums ever and I've learned to pick my battles with him (today he kicked off because his fish finger got broken hmm )
Luckily nursery pretty much only see the good side of him and are supportive when they don't.
Your LO sounds perfectly fine to me and it sounds like you're doing the best you can so I wouldn't worry too much!

Crocky Tue 20-Aug-13 18:18:19

My dd always had to have her teddy in nursery. They got to the point where she was comfortable knowing teddy was in her bag but would always demand to have it for quiet time.

dyslexicdespot Tue 20-Aug-13 20:32:14

DS refuses to take off his rain jacket and must wear his 'robot wellies' at all times. He is 22 months and we think this is perfectly normal.

maja00 Tue 20-Aug-13 20:40:48

I'd actually be slightly concerned that the nursery staff don't know that it's normal for toddlers to have attachment objects confused Are the staff generally young/trainees?

Alanna1 Tue 20-Aug-13 20:43:46

I have tended to find the senior staff at my nursery observant and their comments helpful - doesn't mean yours are! I'd take your DC to the GP and ask for an observation referral to the appropriate specialists. Often these things are nothing, but nothing wrong with having someone's hunch investigated. A friend picked up autism really early through an obseervant nursery worker and she says that the changed focus of her support workers made a massive difference.

Sounds normal to me. At that age the world ends if something is taken away. Even if its a dead bug or half chewed sandwich. What's odd is that they don't appear to have any idea of normal range toddler behaviour.

yawningbear Tue 20-Aug-13 20:49:28

Agree with maja00, I would much more concerned that the nursey are labelling such behaviour as 'odd'.

In terms of child development and attachment it is completely healthy and appropriate for a young child to have attachment objects, it can be a really good strategy to encourage as lovelyredwine's nursery suggested.

sittinginthesun Tue 20-Aug-13 20:56:28

Normal!

Both mine had teddies they were very attached to (still sleep with them now(.

At that age, ds1 only wore his yellow wellies. Even at a wedding in mid summer.

unlucky83 Tue 20-Aug-13 21:03:01

My DD1 insisted on wearing a fleece hat ALL the time at that age ...in the middle of summer...and in bed etc - battle to get her to take it off to have a bath!
Sounds normal to me - but you could get them to be more specific about their concerns and have a chat with HV to put your mind at rest...

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