Travelling for extended period with one year old - sleeping/ attachment problems? what to do?

[minitoot]

I'm not really sure what I'm asking here (apart from for help!) so please bear with me...We have a one year old who's very active (walking, running, trying to climb) but doesn't speak yet. In the UK he has his own room and usually wakes a couple of times a night but is easily settled. We travel to Italy to see relatives quite frequently, each visit is about a month long and we stay in a flat we own where he does not have his own bedroom. We're there now, this is the 3rd time he's been but he seems much more disturbed by the change of scene than he was before. He loves meeting new people and will happily go off with his granddad who he rarely sees, but if it's just me and him in the room he often wants to be picked up, then cries and fidgets to be put down, and straight away cries to be picked up again. He also (this is the killer :-() has started waking several times in the night and being very difficult to settle. AND, whereas when we were in the UK he was happy to be settled in the night by his dad, he now won't be settled by anyone but me - so I am doing all the getting up at night. He usually has an epic nap in the afternoons which makes it easier but today he hasn't even had that. It's been a full day of pick-me-up-put-me-down-no-pick-me-up-again-now walk around carrying me for hours and hours or I'll howl. Hence this post :)
Do you think his clinginess and frequent waking is all down to the new location, or is it just his age? Is there anything I can do about it? Anyone experienced something similar? thx! :)

[teacher123]

Do you keep a routine the same in both places? In the bedroom in Italy is there anyway you can screen the cot so he can't actually see you? When I share a room with DS now I have to pretend to be asleep the whole time I'm in there as otherwise he will wail and howl and won't settle! Or can you sleep in the living room instead and give him the bedroom?

[minitoot]

Thanks, those are all really helpful and sensible suggestions. We don't have a routine and I'm sure that's not helping. Bedtime is also all over the place because of the heat here - everyone socialises at night and sleeps in the afternoon. I think we have to try and sort something out though. 'When I share a room with DS now I have to pretend to be asleep the whole time I'm in there as otherwise he will wail and howl and won't settle!' - yes exactly. I have to hide under the covers!

[Lala29]

I second having some sort of routine and keeping it consistent wherever you are. It helps them know what's going to happen next (eg. Dinner, bath, book, then I have to go to sleep on my own). Although I can see how it can be difficult if you go out at night to see people (but maybe you can still do bed time routine but put in buggy to sleep maybe???)

[teacher123]

We have a really consistent and boring routine that is kept the same wherever we are and whoever puts DS to bed. He has his milk and a yogurt downstairs whilst watching postman pat or baby jake on I player then upstairs, bath, teeth, cuddle and bed. If you're going to be out in the evenings then maybe a later nap and then do the bedtime routine whenever you get home, so even if the time changes, the cue for him to go to bed is the same. It is hard balancing what everyone needs, especially when there is an expectation to socialise in the evenings!

[pinkfelttippen]

You have to keep to a routine. We had a similar thing when we lived abroad and used to visit the UK for a month or so over Christmas - you just have to keep to the routine. For us, this meant dc being up a little later than the Brits would like in the UK, and the dc going to bed a little earlier than was considered normal in the hotter climate..... a few cats' bum mouths from the matriarchs in both countries, but hey - dc remained good tempered and got a decent nights' sleep (mosquitoes aside) in general, which meant that so did I, which meant that I, in turn, remained relatively good tempered.

[minitoot]

Thanks everyone, this is very helpful, I have brought a favourite book from home so we could do that perhaps - it would be familiar.

[justwondering72]

It is tricky. We are originally from the UK but live in France, and the 'ideal' schedule for children's bedtimes are so different. We tend to play it by ear in terms of actual timing but yes stuck with a routine as the cue for bedtime. My mum is fine, she's happy to play quietly with boys if they are up late, but my MIL seemed to think the sky was falling in because they were still up and running around at 9.30pm one evening. My SIL visited with her little boy, and insisted on getting him off to bed at 7pm every night, even though that's when most people here are just starting to eat and our boys were heading into the pool for their evening swim...

Anyway, I would guess a lot of it is down to age and excitement. A routine - not necessarily a set bedtime though - might help.