DD2 just turned 6. Older dd was a big tantrummer at the same age, but they were brief in duration and in hindsight (didn't feel like it at the time) easy to handle, though exhausting. DD2 went through a bad patch last year, unhappy and worn out in reception, huge explosive tantrums every day after school and lots of night terrors, I posted at the time, got lots of really thoughtful and helpful advice. I changed tack, and stayed very calm and kind through even the worst rages and they stopped. She went back to school into year one, happier, no issues really, until about 6 weeks ago. She was getting more clingy of me, and she has always been pretty clingy, and hard to get to sleep. The tiredness seemed to trigger night terrors, which have been horrendous, shouting, screaming "help",biting, kicking etc. Then the day tantrums returned, and they are much the same, she will kick, bite, punch and pinch, she screams "help" over and over again, she even shouts "Daddy is hurting me". (We had talked to her about not shouting "help" unless she really needed help, and that people might think her Daddy was hurting her, after incidents where DH was alone with her and her sister and trying to get her into her car seat and a kindly old bloke came to check what was happening. V. embarrassing and upsetting for DH who is a very gentle and patient Dad.) She seemed to take it seriously, but all that happened is that now she shouts "help"etc at every opportunity .
Through all this she has been a model child at school. But then last week I took her in, DH usually does this but he was away, and she screamed the place down when I left, again shouting "Help". Some night terror free nights over the weekend, so she has caught up on a bit of sleep, but today when we picked her up from school, she looked worried. I asked her if she was ok and she lay on the pavement, screamed "help" over and over again, kicked me, shouted at DH who walked back into school to get her teacher, ( we were worried we looked like abductors tbh). Head came out and teacher and head took her back in, where she screamed, kicked, punched me in the face by accident, and roared at DH to "GO AWAY DADDY". Her (lovely) teacher and the head, plus other staff talked to her and then quite suddenly the rage subsided and she was ok, went for a wee walk about the playground and calmed down.
The rages are so extreme and so violent I am at a loss as to what to do. We have been kind, we have been firm, we have confiscated toys, we have had reward schemes, I even smacked her at one point when she tried to run out of the door into the road in a rage. I am very stressed and upset, we can't do anything as a family or go out to lunch with friends etc as we live in fear of a meltdown. She can see the worry in my face if she is on the edge of one and that seems to make her worse, even though I really try and look calm. (That was what happened earlier) . hunger and needing the loo seem the biggest triggers, if that strikes a bell with anyone? My big worry is that DH has an uncle with a serious mental illness and the rages are so extreme I am worried about that , I am also starting to wonder about physical things. We are going to take her to the GP, but I think we also need some proper advice, we can't go on like this, with an hour or two of screaming almost every night and then more explosions in the day.
It has been a stressful year for our family, with illness and bereavement, I don't know if that is a factor, but it has come on again so suddenly. Sorry this is long. I am so upset and embarrassed about the one earlier, and don't know what to do next. I really feel at the end of my tether and like a terrible parent.
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raging tantrums, I am starting to panic that something is really wrong.
28 replies
hellymelly · 10/06/2013 18:24
OP posts:
HotheadPaisan ·
13/06/2013 22:50
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