My son is like the youngest one on Outnumbered

[Wiwaxia]

I've namechanged because I realise it's not acceptable to blather on about how annoying one's child is. But he IS.

My son, only child, seems to have a few problems. He's always been insensitive to others and we've worked really hard to make him aware of being kind, listening, not hurting and so on. He's nearly nine and I genuinely feel that he's not learned a single thing from us

I know these things are more innate in some kids than others but I don't know what to do to help him any more. He's just not that nice to his friends, not very nice to us sometimes. It's not even deliberate, though it can be.

The other thing is the talking. He can't for example sit in the cinema and watch a film without trying to narrate his take on it all the way through. He's worse at home, just talks through every tv programme. He talks nonsense through every meal and butts in with it when others are talking. And it's all such silliness, just stories and phrases copied off the tv, attempts at jokes. Quite often non sequiturs or things which are funny to him in his own private way. Really often violent images, to which we don't want to reply, really, except to admonish him.

I feel awful for him because I can see he wants attention and he's putting people off. But honestly we are there for him all the time and do things with him ever such a lot. He's not much of a joiner-in and doesn't want to go to groups or classes, he has tried and not enjoyed everything so he's stuck with us more than an eight year old should be.

I know that other parents get a bit tired of him and he doesn't really get invited around to other houses much, and I sense a hesitation when asking other parents if their boys can come over to ours. It's pretty heartbreaking and we would never say anything to him about it but I can see why it happens as he gets so hurtful when there's a conflict, and he also invents stories off the top of his head which are very confusing.

On the one hand he is a little sweetie who isn't all that socially aware, and has an amazing imagination. On the other, it's obvious that life with just us and a bit of school isn't enough for him and that's only going to get more stifling for all of us.

I haven't a clue what to do. His teacher concurs and finds him a handful but hasn't flagged anything specific up and has nothing to offer

[MandragoraWurzelstock]

How old is he? I have a 5, nearly 6yo who is pretty much like this.

[Wiwaxia]

8, nearly 9

[Grammaticus]

The talking you can work on really hard with a combination of bribery carrot and stick. Just focus on the one issue for a week or two and see if you can make progress with it rather than using a scattergun approach and feeling bogged down by everything.

The rest..... Erm. The boys are like dogs approach? Walk everywhere, cycle, run him ragged, see if he calms down a bit?

[Wiwaxia]

Exercise is another issue. I am not a pathetic parent, but he refuses to do much. The obvious thing is to get him to join a sporty club - have tried. Go cycling together - have tried. He runs around with other kids very happily but I can't seem to get enough together for them to have fun. We live in a second floor flat, there's a park up the road, but he's too young to go unsupervised and getting the parents to all be in the park at the same time isn't happening (mainly I suspect because other kids are actually doing stuff...).

[Grammaticus]

But can you walk places instead of taking the car or the bus?

[simbo]

Um... Maybe this won't be a popular contribution, but he sounds as though he may be on the autistic spectrum. Is this something that you have considered?

[Wiwaxia]

I sort of have, but I assume the school would have said something. I asked outright at the last meeting.

Of course I was having a moan and haven't mentioned all the ways in which he can be lovely too. I think I find the talking and the invention almost overwhelming.

[Goldmandra]

I sort of have, but I assume the school would have said something. I asked outright at the last meeting.

School teachers are not qualified to diagnose or dismiss Autism.

My DD2 (10) was so like Karen from Outnumbered that it became a family joke for a while. She has since been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. She is lovely too in many ways but could win an Olympic medal for talking at people

[Wiwaxia]

Ah. How would I go about getting an assessment for him then? I thought these things were flagged up by schools.

I've made a mistake and it's the middle one he's like - but without the physicality, most of the time. Always with a new plan for some horrific maiming or other. And not stopping even though people are trying to stop him.

[Goldmandra]

You need to ask your GP for a referral to either CAMHS or a developmental paediatrician, depending on who diagnoses in your area.

Do a bit of reading so you can justify your concerns or you may find yourself fobbed off. That happens to a lot of parents when they first raise a concern.

I wonder if the writer of Outnumbered has a couple of children with Autism.

[MadameSin]

Ben in Outnumbered is supposed to be ADHD. I think you will know in your heart if your son is 'different' enough to warrant any referrals. I knew when my son (ADHD) was a toddler that he was 'off the scales' so to speak and wasn't surprised when it was flagged by a really good teacher in year 1. Many teachers wouldn't be experienced enough to flag behaviour disorders, so if you are concerned, go via your GP. Write a list of everything that you have noticed, it will help. You don't have to take him to this initial appointment, I didn't. Good luck!

[Kiwiinkits]

I would see if you can get him to exercise more, as someone up thread suggested. He might be reluctant but see what you can do. Some things to try might be a local orienteering club or perhaps swimming? Don't give up yet.
We live in a second floor flat too, and have made the decision to move so that our girls have more outdoor space in which to roam. Is this an option for you?

[Machli]

My dd was recently diagnosed with autism. I had to TELL the school, they were completely clueless. I got the referral through my GP. Got the diagnosis with no input from the school at all. I knew the signs because I already had a child with autism. Schools often don't know anything about it, which is a shocking state of affairs if you ask me. You expect THEM to be advising YOU but it's actually mostly the other way round.

[Wiwaxia]

Ok I can see I've relied on them to be able to spot the signs, given how many kids they work with and how long each day they spend with them.

Thank you I will see my GP first

And yes do tons more exercise. It's going to be a case of forcing him I fear!

[jomaynard]

I first watched Outnumbered because a friend said how like Karen my youngest was. My youngest is now being assessed for Asperger's.
We had had some issues at school, as to me the suggestion that they could be caused by ASD traits had been the unspoken question in the room, at a lot of meetings. However when she was referred to CAHMS for a different issue, and they wrote back to the school mentioning ASD the school was "surprised".
And this is a school with quite a few ASD pupils, probably at least 3 a year.

OP if you want an assessment then I would talk to you GP and get referred to CAHMS or a paediatrician.

[MandragoraWurzelstock]

Jo that's really strange, I haven't ever watched it but my friend told me that the older boy was just like my ds1! I still don't know if he is - though from what I can see there's a visual likeness.

[simbo]

I think I meant adhd, though Asperger's also a possibility. My ds is a bit adhd, though not as bad as Ben on Outnumbered, and I think exercise can make him worse, unless it is something he really loves doing. Doing anything too late in the day can have him bouncing off the walls at bedtime. Exercise is good, but try to find a way to incorporate it into something that already interests him. Fwiw my son's school did flag it, but only just before he left. I got the impression that it was something they didn't want to deal with.

[Tingalingle]

I would appear to have all three of the kids from Outnumbered.

Sighhhhh....

In our case it's our oldest with, y'know, actually diagnosed autism. He tends to come across as distinctly more normal than the other two.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Yep my Dd's are like the ones off Outnumbered too except not in the same order, my Dd1 is like Ben, Dd2 is like Jake and Dd3 like Karen. Dd3 has a diagnosis of Asd and Dd1 was assessed for ADHD 15 years ago but no diagnosis was made.

I would recommend making some notes about the types of behaviour that you are worried about and then going to see you GP.

Good luck

[ThreeDaughtersLoveSandwiches]

My DD1 is currently being referred to CAHMS and MAST due to concerns the school and I have. She is currently in year 6 and it has taken a lot of visits from me and a change in school to get this far.

She was put on the SEN register in year 2 and started seeing a play therapist for "friendship issues" at about the same time.

At the moment she is seeing a learning mentor who is the one pushing for her to be assessed, without her input I'm not sure we would have got this far! I never really thought of going to the doctors about it but it might be quicker if you did.

I mentioned to DD1s year 3 teacher that I thought there was a chance she might be dyslexic and her response was that she couldn't be as she is also not very good at maths! Her new school tested her in year 4 and she is unsurprisingly mildly dyslexic!

Sorry for the long post!

[Goldmandra]

I mentioned to DD1s year 3 teacher that I thought there was a chance she might be dyslexic and her response was that she couldn't be as she is also not very good at maths!

Why do teachers do this? If you don't know about something don't express an opinion!!! FGS

[feelingdizzy]

My son is also a bit like him ,he even looks like him.My Ds was diagnosed with dyslexia he also has strong ADHD traits.

A combination for us works find things he is good at,we are going for the artistic route he is in drama he likes to write stories ,he reads them to me-his spelling is not currently decipherable.So I am going for lovable eccentric!

I have also made rules really explicit and what happens if he breaks them,he has responsibilities and honestly it would be easier if I did them but he must learn.

I know you are struggling with exercise my ds goes on the trampoline before school and then walks to school.I literally throw him out the house 20 minutes before we leave.