Defiant, stroppy, hitting 2 year old daughter - advice please on dealing with her

[minimac]

My daughter has just turned 2 and on her birthday suddenly became this awkward, stubborn, defiant toddler.
She bawks "NO" at me frequently when she doesn't get her way or even when she does and thinks I am going to say no.
She has just gone up into the older kids room at nursery which seems to have conicided with the moods, is she picking up babd ways? She also comes back in the evenings totally exhausted as is for a couple of days after. She still needs 2 sleeps a day (3 hours sometimes 4)which seems quite a lot for a 2 year old - not that I'm complaining.
To add to things, I'm 2 weeks off having our second baby and am very concerned that her behaviour will get worse once the baby is born. I'm sure she's already picking up on my tiredness and inability to move and help her as much as I have done in the past.
I'd be extremely grateful is anyone has any tips on dealing with the "NO's" and introducing a baby to her. Oh, and sharing her toys too, that's also quite a challenge at the moment!

[Turtle35]

I can really relate to this and my DD is 18 months old but has recently taken up smacking my face, pulling my hair and scartching me. I have tried to explain it hurts etc bla bla, I am at my wits end.

I too am desperate for some advice with this!!

[starlover]

i think the key is to ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good.

minimac.. when she shouts NO at you, just ignore it. tell her you;ll talk to her when she can speak nicely and ignore any tantrum or shouting. if she continues then put her in time out to calm down.

turtle... don't bother explaining that it hurts when he hits you, he's quite little to understand that. JUst say NO, very firmly and put him on the floor away from you then IGNORE!

Praise everything nice they do to the hilt... go really overboard and give them lots of attention when they are doing what you want them to.

they soon figure out that they get far more attention being good than being naughty

[WWWontSlagOffAnyone]

Distract her. Her attention span is probably gnat like so this will work a lot of the time ime
Say No calmly and firmly if she hits but don't make such a song and dance of it that it becomes a marvellous new attention getting device
We put dd 'outside' in the corridor for hitting for 2 mins, she gets a warning first. They get the idea in the end
No, she's not picking up bad ways, she's just 2 and wants what she wants
Say 'please use a normal voice' or something similar when faced with rudeness - I say "don't say 'I WANT A BANANA,' say 'please may I have a banana?" and my dd often complies. She doesn't get said banana if she doesn't.

Good luck, 2 is a very sweet age in many ways and v trying in others.

[sparklemagic]

Hi minimac, I would say that your DD is coping with change at the moment - she has moved to a new room at nursery full f older, more challenging kids, and she will also be well aware that something is happening with you which as you say results in you being less able to move around and help her as you used to. As you say, Nursery is EXHAUSTING for her specially at this stage of change.

So I wouold heartily second star and www's advice, which will work. I would just add that if you remember just how much she is dealing with at the moment, it might help give you just that bit more patience with her? I don't mean to let her get away with things, just to help you keep your calm and deal with her in a calm way, which in turn will help to keep her on an even keel, hopefully!

Turtle, I had this with my DS and it really does work, if you say a firm 'NO' and put them down straight away, and ignore them....18months is definitely a little young to be giving explnations without also doing the above. I always like to explain things to my DS but at 18 months they need to be shown in a definite way that you won't be with them when they're doing it!