Nearly 3 and ridiculously clingy - what can I DO?

[emkana]

dd2 is getting worse and worse. First I had to take her out of playgroup because she wouldn't settle there, not she won't even stay at my MIL's anymore, when she always used to love going there. It's just Mummy, Mummy, Mummy all the time and it's driving me crazy.
I had to bring her back home from my MIL again when I was so looking forward to a rest.
I said to her now that I will not play with her or anything, that she could have fun at MIL but at home she'll be bored. She doesn't seem to care, as long as I'm around.

I really don't know how to deal with this, it's driving me mad.

[emkana]

bump

Honestly guys I am crying my eyes out and it's seriously affecting my relationship with dd2 because I'm just feeling so resentful that she won't let me have a little bit of time to myself.

[secur]

What have you tried so far?

When you say she wouldn't settle at nursery, what was she doing?

[madmarchhare]

What happens if you just leave her at MILs?

[emkana]

If I try and force it then she will cry hysterically until I get back. It's not a case of crying for a few minutes and then settling down, she really gets into a terrible state. At playgroup I tried staying with her for a bit and then leaving gradually, but she wasn't having any of it.

[secur]

TBH, this does sound an extreme reaction. I assume that she has no underlying reason for fear of loosing you (you have never left her for a decent length of time unexpectedly or without explaining?).

Would it be possible to leave it for a while and then try leaving her in new situatoins (ie not at MIL etc)

Perhaps taking her to a soft play area with a friend (pref with children) and starting off with " just popping to get a drink will be right back" preferebly say this while she is off at the top somewhere so that if she tries to come after you you have gone before she gets there and are back within a very short time. If she is upset when you get back just pat her head or something without eye contact and say "I'm back" then go back to friend and ignore her screams. Keep doing this kind of thing for as long as it takes for her to get used to it then step it up a bit. "Just going for a cup of coffee, I will be about 10 minutes" I have no idea if this will work,an dit may cost you a small fortune in repeat visits to soft play but she seems to me to need reassuring that 1; you will come back and 2; you will go - even if she creates.

sorry so long or if you have tried something like this, but I honestly cannot think of a quick fix for this one.

[oliveoil]

mine went through a stage like this and tbh, is still a little bit clingy.

I sympathise as it does drive you mad.

I have to make tea, read bedtime stories, dress her etc etc

And on the 3 days I work, if I am late home, she sits on the sofa and sort of pines until I get in.

I think it is just part of her personality and I try and get some patience (not all the time).

She started playgroup in September and didn't really settle until Christmas, but loves it now. Won't stay for lunch though, insists on coming home 'as I miss you'.

You are pregnant iirc, is she aware of this, has this clingy stage started since she found out?

[emkana]

I do feel that I should cut her some slack - I think she feels threatened by the baby coming, plus she has picked up on the fact that there is a problem with the baby because we had to take her to quite a few of the hospital appointments, plus my MIL who used to look after her regularly has been ill over the last few months so she couldn't have dd2 so dd2 is out of the habit so to speak.

Still drives me mad though.

[oliveoil]

I sympathise completely, and don't beat yourself up about 'being mean', I do it too.

On Sunday, she woke up whining and was following me around like a shadow, literally standing right behind me, so I was sighing and huffing and then she threw up all over the floor.

She was coming down with a bug and I just thought she was being a pain, felt a right shite.

[madmarchhare]

I would perhaps go something along the lines of what secur suggests. Maybe you could do it at MILs though, save yourself a few quid and if you want her to spend time there anyway... I imagine that a lot of it will be because of the new baby though.

[UKmum4]

emkana it sounds like she may be picking up some stress because of the baby and ill mil. DD1 was a bit like this when i was expecting no2 and dh and i were going throuhg a rough time - they can be very perceptive regardless of how you try to protect them and hide your own stress from them.

I would try not to push her - in my experience the only way is to 'love them through it'. Really hard - as all your personal time disappears, but tbh i think its the only way - the only consolation i can offer is that it wont go on for ever.