A whole new meaning to high needs.

(68 Posts)
Kafri Sun 24-Feb-13 19:23:15

I have never yet met a baby as high needs as my ds.

I have tried absolute everything I can think of (and have had suggested by lovely MNers) and im making the phone call in the morning to book an appointment for cranial osteopathy.

he is a very unhappy little boy. he either screams all day or in the short periods he's not screaming, he's not far off it. he is almost never just a contented little baby.

he hates going out in the car or pram which makes going out no fun for either of us.

if he's enjoying play on his playmat with me, it's for a couple of minutes maximum and then the tears kick in and there's no comforting him.

he hates his swing seat, bouncy chair, playmat, play nest, being motionless. pretty much everything to be honest

please come and join me in my despair!

any suggestions welcome.

countryhousehotel Sun 24-Feb-13 19:24:37

How old is he Kafri?

Kafri Sun 24-Feb-13 19:37:53

oh sorry, forgot that in my ramblings....
He's 9w+3 now

MamaBear17 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:05:18

Sounds like colic. If he is FF try using colief drops - my dd was exactly like you describe and colief made a massive difference. Also, do not bother going out in the pram, use a sling. I used to wear mine all day and just carry dd around in it. When my legs got tiered I would sit on the arm of the chair and gently rock back and forth and she would think we were still moving and stay quiet! Things improved massively with the colief (It took about a week to flush the lactose through her system and her poops went from hard and green to a bf yellow) and we were able to have playmat time, then gradually as she got a little bigger she would use her jumperoo for ten minutes before wanting a change in activity. The only thing I can tell you is that when she hit 7 months, after two months of weaning, she became the most delightful, happy, fun little baby in the whole world. When I was struggling with colic a HV told me that the more I held and cuddled her, the more emotionally secure she would grow up to be. So I held her all of the time. I resigned myself to the fact that she would sleep on me and I wouldnt put her down. Now that she is 19 months I do not regret it. She is a very happy, sociable toddler. She is as bright as a button and, even though we are starting to contend with the 'terrible twos' she is generally a lovely toddler.

HilaryClinton Sun 24-Feb-13 20:07:47

Also recommend a sling. I carried DTD for most of the first six months.

HilaryClinton Sun 24-Feb-13 20:09:08

Actually also recommend a referral to a paediatrician to get him fully checked out.

spanky2 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:10:09

How about reflux ? My friend had a terrible time with her dd who screamed worse in her car seat and chair as it squeezed the stomach acid out. My ds1 was a screamer . He grew out of it. I thought I would go insane!

Kafri Sun 24-Feb-13 20:22:58

I should have said. ..

hes on pepti 1 milk and omeprazole ti combat his tummy troubles. They seem ok now - well he doesn't do the writhing and groaning he used to anyway.

I have a sling - he screams in that too sad

I cannot, for love nor money, get him to nap in the day. I know this is adding to my problems as he is over tired all the time.

at night he will only sleep on some cushions on his tummy which I've had to go with or else noone gets any sleep (dh is at work in the day and I have to cope with the screaming so we need some sleep). we tend to do shifts keeping an eye in him as I know I'm not supposed to put him on his tummy, even more so on cushions. he is very strong tho if that excuses me any?

Sorry for drip feed, im on my phone so it's not as easy to see what I've written and what I've missed out.

countryhousehotel Sun 24-Feb-13 20:23:54

He sounds just like my DD (now 6 years old!). I think that some babies are just like that, and as hard as it is, they do grow out of it. It does get easier. My DD cried all the time. I could not put her down. I still remember DH coming home when she was 12 weeks old and I was triumphant as she had played happily on her playmat for long enough for me to cook supper. DH looked at it and said "did you actually cook this yourself?" because he couldn't believe it.

I carried DD a lot in the sling, and slept next to her. She was very "colicky", we took her to A&E once at about 8 weeks (PFB or what!) because she'd been screaming non stop from 12pm and by 8pm that night we were literally at breaking point. They x-rayed her and said she basically had colic (you could see the gas in her intestines in the x ray) and from then on i made sure i gave her gripe water (i tried all the other remedies and that was the one that worked) and did anti-colic baby massage on her (i went to some free classes at the hospital - the moves i used made her pass wind and poo in quite a dramatic fashion). It helped quite a lot, and by 16 weeks she had settled down massively.

Sorry to bore on, what I'm trying to say is that it's so hard at such a young age to know if what you're doing is the right thing. Babies are really hard work at that age, some more than others, my first was such hard work but my second was a dream baby (and a nightmare todder!)....get through this and in a few weeks I guarantee you things will be better. I know that's not much help right now but I promise you it won;t be like this for ever.

countryhousehotel Sun 24-Feb-13 20:24:34

oh crossed posts, i may not have been much help!

MamaBear17 Sun 24-Feb-13 20:30:10

Baby massage helped my dd too. DD slept on me for naps, because when I put her down she would be awake within 10 minutes screaming. At night time we had a strict routine of bath, baby massage, milk in a dark room, swaddle and then bed. Swaddling helped a lot because she felt secure. Sometimes I would sleep her on her side with a blanket rolled up behind her which seemed more comfortable. It will get better I promise.

Iggly Sun 24-Feb-13 20:54:45

Why cushions? Because they're soft? What about a lambskin under his sheet in a Moses basket or cot?

What sling?

He sounds like my DS was. Here are some things that helped us. You really need to find one thing that he likes and jump on it, don't worry about sleep associations, spoiling etc...he's asking for your help and you WILL find out how to help him it just takes time.

* holding baby and sitting on bouncy ball bouncing
* water running from a tap
* falling sensation, hold baby and bend knees to do a fast squat down, keep repeating until crying stops
*vigorous rocking/swinging while holding, we used to do deep side squats, the down up motion seemed to really help
* noise of hoover/washing machine etc...
* run the shower
* face them forwards if they push away from facing you
* deep squats while walking

Sorry posted too quick

* go outside, in wind!
* sing...all the time!

It will get better (i know that's unhelpful)

Remember the good things about a HN baby, they become very efficient at telling you what they want and are a pleasure to be around once they are able to communicate more effectively.

If you haven't already, take a look at dr sears website and order his high needs baby book, lots of helpful tips and stories. You are not alone!

screamingeels Sun 24-Feb-13 21:41:07

Yup DD was like this - but did like slings, pushchairs, long walks so we did a lot of that. She was windy, colicky, found feeding difficult. Must be really hard if there isnt anything that makes him sleep. White noise played extremely loudly can be miraculous at switching them off and letting them sleep. Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby was the only book I found which actually had any practical advice for dealing with persistent screamers. But it will get better as he gets bigger.

Tieni Sun 24-Feb-13 21:42:58

High needs baby here too (DS now 2.11 and a high needs toddler!). The vacuum cleaner and his bouncy chair were the only thing that got him to sleep (apart from bf) and he couldn't lie in his pram or car seat without writhing in agony from the wind. Things improved at 14 weeks as his system matured, however he's still high needs and can't play for more than a couple of minutes on his own. Things are getting easier as he gets older but it's still hard work.

Sending thanks as I know what you're going through

Kafri Mon 25-Feb-13 01:28:43

selfishly (hanging my head in shame) I think thats the worst part!

iqorkwd so hard to have him - he was a long wait fokkowed by ivf - and now im not even enjoying having him. I fwwl guilty that in not enjoying it. I feek a bit robbed of these special days of him being little and I feel a bit jealous of all rhose people I see walking/sitting in a coffee shop etc with a contented little one. I feel bad for him as he seens genuinely unhappy about life. ive even wondered if its something about the ivf and im to blame or something foe pushing science to give me what I couldn't have naturally.

im such a happy bubbly person and im sure that is the only thing getting me through each day. even my HV comments that she's not sure how I'm still smiling - not very helpful i know.

someone asked about the cushions - it was just one day we found out he liked lying on his tummy on them with tje hoover going so I've downloaded an app with the sound of the hoover.

oddly enough - the days are atrocious but on his tummy he sleeps (generally) quite soundly now. she says waiting for that to go belly up

someone else said (sorry im on my phone) about being awake/alert. he has been very alert from day 1. it seems he fights sleeo but is knackered and there is jo entertaining a weeks old baby for hours on end. it appears in the short periods of smiling (literally minutes of play) he quickly becomes overwhelmed and cannot bring himself down and ive yet to find the reset switch to help him.

HV said to make sure ive done everything - ie clean, feed etc and then to go out in pram regardless of screaming and to out earphones in but I get the dirtiest looks off people. some have evem commented about how I shiukd stop to feed him if hes 'in that state'

lougle Mon 25-Feb-13 03:40:01

The only thing that would comfort DD1 was supporting her head and briskly patting her back. she would melt into it.

stargirl1701 Mon 25-Feb-13 04:05:11

Hey Kafri. I just wrote on your other thread. My DD is the same. We've just had a screaming meltdown at quarter to 3 in the morning.

My gut tells me she's in pain. We have done everything suggested to you on both threads and it hasn't made much difference tbh.

My HV has suggested overnight pain relief and that is working. You'll be just over 2 weeks till he is 12 weeks? Talk to your GP or paediatrician.

countryhousehotel Mon 25-Feb-13 07:35:12

Kafri that sounds hard, and very like my DD. I do remember it being a constant grind and the anxiety of wondering how long she would be quiet for before starting to scream again. I was very anxious / depressed for a few weeks after the birth, I wondered what on earth I'd done to mine and DH's lives!!! I spoke to a couple of friends who had problems conceiving about whether their struggles had made them more patient / less anxious than they might have been otherwise and they said no way, it made no difference in the day to day. Of course they were both deeply happy that they'd managed to get pregnant through IVF and have a baby but it didn't mean they dealt any differently than me when things were tough. I hope that reassures you that what you are feeling is normal and that you have as much right as anyone to feel those things.

With hindsight, and comparing my DD to DS who came along 3 years later, I think she was very uncomfortable a lot of the time (colic / wind). Do you wind him after every feed? I wasn't great at being patient enough to do it properly, also she used to feed on and off all day which someone suggested didn't help her if she was colicky, so I stayed home for a few days and made a concerted effort to give her good long proper feeds instead of constantly on and off the boob on the move. She did grow out of it by about 4 months, everyone says 12 weeks is the magic number for newborns but I remember thinking that it would be just my luck that at 14, 15 weeks we were still suffering. And then one day she was just so much better...I hope that will happen for you too.

Iggly Mon 25-Feb-13 08:30:31

I would also suggest that maybe his meds/milk needs reviewing again. Can you film him and show the doctor?

Also try walking with him in the sling. At least he'll get comfort from being near you even if he is screaming. Make sure he isn't too hot so no pram suit. Just a coat, hat and decent covering on his feet.

Possiblyoutedled Mon 25-Feb-13 08:35:26

My dd was the same and it was reflux but even when she was on max doses of everything she was pretty miserable. I hardly used the carry cot and the swing and car seat seemed to make her reflux worse.
I can't suggest anything tbh we just went through it.
Just be kind to yourself and get breaks if you can.
She is two now and delicious.
With hindsight I wish I'd just gone back to work earlier.

Kafri Mon 25-Feb-13 10:24:00

Thanks for all the suggestions. I have booked an appointment for CO which is tomorrow morning. Its the one thing i've been putting off trying as i'm not sure what I think of it to be honest. Got to the end of the line of things to try now and will just have to see how it goes and keep fingers and toes crossed.

Off out foe a walk once i've dressed and fed the little fella - here's hoping today is one of the better days in the pram!

helibee Mon 25-Feb-13 13:54:26

Hi, you have my sympathies. My ds has bad reflux and his meds needed adjusted weekly for a while. He was also on pepti 1 but was quickly moved onto neocate and that made the world of difference. You may find he gets on better with ranitidine than omeprazole, hopefully the paediatrician will help.

At night I used to sleep propped up with ds asleep on my chest as the acid couldn't rise up as easily.

We found a ring sling the most comfortable for him as he could manoeuvre into a comfy position.

Big hugs to you

Iggly Mon 25-Feb-13 14:27:27

Stick him in the sling.

Honestly he won't like lying flat if his reflux is upsetting him.

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