Really stupid issue but not sure how to deal with it!!

[wangle99]

DS9 started going to cubs in November. He loved it from the beginning and begged for the uniform (sweater), went to the shop last week and said to him there are you sure you want to carry on going (DS notorious for changing mind), said I didn't mind if he wanted to stop but he had to decide then as I was paying out for sweater. Figured he'd know by now as he'd been going for so long.

Went last week loved it still. Last night, goes out to car with DH and then he comes in crying he doesn't like cubs and doesn't want to go. Tried reasoning with him and finding out if something specific had happened but his reasons are 1) i don't like sitting on the floor 2) i don't like activities and 3) i don't like the salute.

We are struggling for money at the mo and saving every penny we can, i really could have done without spending out the £12 for a sweater. Am resisting the urge to shout at DS VERY loudly but I'm really not sure how to deal with it? He needs to realise that he can't just do this.

Any advice gratefully received. Thank you

[prayingmantisgroupie]

I'd tell him he has to see it out until the end of term at least, particularly as you've just laid out for the jumper. What could have happened on the trip out to the car to make him suddenly hate it though?? Sounds very odd.

[wangle99]

They didn't actually get into the car, they walked from the front door and didn't get in the car apparently. I wasnt sure whether I was being 'mean' by making him go. Although my other concern was that if he goes through childhood being able to 'ditch' everything he doesn't like will he still be like this as a teen? Argh I don't know.

Thankyou praingmantisgroupie

[prayingmantisgroupie]

Ps. Not me, but a friend of mine had her daughter pull the same stunt with Brownies - my friend had just coughed up for t-shirt, hoodie and trousers when her daughter turned round and said oh I can't be bothered going any more. Friend just shrugged and said ok!!

[wangle99]

Just spoke to DS and said he is going for the rest of the term, i reminded him of what they do and they go camping etc and now he's bouncing around saying he wants to go to camp . Surely if he was that traumatised about going he wouldn't accept me telling he was going till the end of term.

Sorry prayingmantisegroupie for spelling your name wrong

[prayingmantisgroupie]

I know what you mean, on one hand, forcing them into it - counterproductive, particularly if they kick off when they get there, " my mum MADE me come!!" On the other hand I totally agree that they shouldn't be able to just give up on something they've asked to do, particularly if it's cost you money to send them. It's a hard one. Compromise maybe? Ask him to attend one more meeting and if he really, really still hates it then you'll let him bow out. I would probably make it understood though that any future requests to take part in extra curricular activities would be considered with a large pinch of salt, due to his previous track record . Good luck!

[prayingmantisgroupie]

Oops cross posted, glad you sorted it! Hope he continues to enjoy it!

[Songbird]

DD tried Beavers and actually went for a year (well, 3 terms) before announcing she didn't want to go any more. Wasn't too bothered (I thought it was pretty shit actually) but was really irked about the uniform thing (she wasn't even close to growing out of it). She now goes to Brownies (yes, more uniform grr) and LOVES it. Even when it sounds like it was boring as shit she still loves it! What I'm really pissed off about at the mo is her jacking in the guitar, which we had to pay £35 for including bag, not to mention the cost of the lessons. DH thinks it's not worth pushing her into doing something she doesn't want to do, but she was SO keen before she started. She does go to gymnastics (which she loves) and swimming (which she kind of loves now she's getting pretty good, but she has to go swimming imo) so I guess she does enough. But she flits about from thing to thing and I worry that she's not committing to anything.

I'm actually that I've just said all that as she's only 7! Think I need to let up.

[MrsMushroom]

Make him go. My Mum made me go to Brownies and I clearly remember loving it some weeks and hating it on others. It's just kids! They learn that committing is important.

[Seeline]

It might be worth having a word with the leader to se if they are aware of anything that might have happened. It is also worth letting them know that your DS is having a bit of a wobble so that they can keep a special eye out. As others have said, the varied programme of these activities means that some weeks will be an activity your DS will love, another week he may find it boring or dislike it - try and remember the weeks he enjoyed to remind him next time he doesn't want to go. Do you have a programme so that you know what is planned for each week?

[phoenixrose314]

I don't think children are really taught the meaning of commitment and dedication these days, as a teacher I find it incredibly frustrating that a child faced with a new challenge outside their comfort zone would rather shrug and repeatedly say "Can't do it" than give it a go and persist with things.

If it were my DS I'd prob do the same as you, tell them that they made that commitment and should do it for at least a term. Hopefully your DS will realise that although it may not always be exactly what he wants, overall it is worthwhile. It also might help if he starts working towards earning his badges - a sense of achievement keeps them interested!

[DeWe]

I second the going to talk to the leaders, or if there's another parent you can trust ask if they've heard anything.

One time one of the Brownies came out in tears, clutched her dad and said that she was never going back again. He couldn't get anything out of her other than she didn't like it. When I got in the car I asked dd2, who said that some of the older ones in her six were telling her she couldn't do things because she was too little and calling her baby. (she was from a different school to most, so me and dd2 didn't really know her) I emailed the leader as soon as I got back and told her what had happened from dd2's prospective, without naming names.
Next week we waited for the other girl outside, and dd2 went in with her, and as far as I've seen (a year later) there has been no repeat and she has been happy and enjoying herself.